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Starting NC

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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Spinnaker
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Re: Starting NC

Post by Spinnaker » Thu Aug 08, 2019 5:54 pm

This is great news! :ymhug:
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Angel
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Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Fri Aug 09, 2019 2:51 am

Day 3:

There was a lot to cry about today, but SO has been wonderfully supportive although I know he is hurting.

I cried for the better part of the day - some part in relief and grateful that my marriage will stay intact, also about the loss of LO and his friendship. SO commented that we’ve been through much worse (referring to bad episodes of depression that I’ve been through) and that we’ll get through this.

I had one moment of weakness when I desperately wanted to contact LO again, but I had received a text from SO right around the same time seeing if I was feeling better. Now that SO knows, I can just text him when I feel the urge to reconnect.

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NoDayDreaming
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Re: Starting NC

Post by NoDayDreaming » Fri Aug 09, 2019 3:23 pm

Angel wrote:
Fri Aug 09, 2019 2:51 am

I had one moment of weakness when I desperately wanted to contact LO again, but I had received a text from SO right around the same time seeing if I was feeling better. Now that SO knows, I can just text him when I feel the urge to reconnect.
wow, you're very fortunate to have this level of support from SO. if you work on this together, you'll be cured soon and your SO will be your best friend forever.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

Angel
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Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:52 am

daydreamer wrote:
Fri Aug 09, 2019 3:23 pm
wow, you're very fortunate to have this level of support from SO. if you work on this together, you'll be cured soon and your SO will be your best friend forever.
I am very fortunate - I know SO is a keeper, I couldn’t have asked more of him.

Angel
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Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:56 am

Day 4 -

Last night was terrible - I had my first full panic attack that I’ve had in years. It took me by surprise, and a long time to settle down.

However, I had positive plans today to go out for the day. It was a great day - I had an outing with one of my oldest friends today, and had a wonderful time. There were moments I yearned deeply for LO, things I saw that made me think of him, and my automatic response was to want to text him. But every time I thought about LO today, I texted SO. I haven’t yet told SO that it’s been a strategy that I am employing, but it’s helping me get through the worst parts during the day. I just saw SO, and he said that he hasn’t felt so close to me in a long time 😊

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NoDayDreaming
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Re: Starting NC

Post by NoDayDreaming » Sat Aug 10, 2019 5:54 pm

Angel wrote:
Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:56 am
every time I thought about LO today, I texted SO.
LOL, you're such a smart cookie. way to go!

i'm doing something different, but in a way similar. when i think about the XLO, i want to hug my SO. i call it grounding. like you releasing your static electricity charge.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

Angel
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Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Sun Aug 11, 2019 9:58 am

Day 5&6:

Another tough night to get through - I had another panic attack in the middle of the night. Trying to get a handle on that / it scared the hell out of SO.

During the day, I was just numb and sad for most of it. It was a funk I couldn’t pull out of. I am missing LO terribly and I keep thinking I hear his voice. And my mind runs through all the memories of him.

I was doing a little better before dinner, and made a meal for my family. I was still tired, and frustrated about meal prep, and I snapped at SO, and felt bad almost immediately after. He kind of shut down on me, understandably.

I started looking forward to spending time with DH and DD for a dessert date, but it was miserable because SO was still upset, and we couldn’t speak freely in front of DD.

Realising this will be a LONG road to recovery - never had my feelings change so abruptly or intermingle in such complex overwhelming way: guilt, shame, sadness, longing, remorse, relief, joy, anger. The list could go on.

Angel
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Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Mon Aug 12, 2019 4:36 pm

Day 7:

It’s been about a week, and I think the limerent feelings are subsiding a bit, but I was pretty busy this weekend that helped keep me distracted. LO sent an email on Saturday with just a link to a music video, which basically wrecked me for the day. I shouldn’t have opened it at all. I didn’t listen to the whole thing, but it was enough to gut me. I received another email today, and finally got around to blocking him on that email address. The problem is that he knows all of email addresses I use, and I’m afraid he’ll keep trying to get in touch for awhile. He’s emailed me 3 times this week, tried to request an entry to a FB group that I admin (I think he knows or guesses I do). He doesn’t seem to understand my request for NC. But the most importantly is that I haven’t responded to any of them.

My night was better than the previous two. I still keep waking every couple hours, and the previous two nights I had a panic attack in the middle of the night. Tonight, I did not, but I awoke again around 4:30am and started thinking about LO just showing up at my home to tell me that he can never get over me and to beg me to run off with him. Then the ruminations switched to something more terrifying - I am getting so scared that LO would do something terrible to himself. He has been suicidal in the past, and I am just so afraid that I will get that call from a mutual friend that tells me the tragic news. I don’t know if I can take that kind of guilt, and I had another panic attack this morning thinking about it.

My SO has been awesome and understanding. He keeps encouraging me, but today he was understandably frustrated because I had a hard time getting out of bed and getting going. I made him late for work. But still trying to text SO whenever something regarding LO comes to mind, or posting here.

L-F
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Re: Starting NC

Post by L-F » Mon Aug 12, 2019 8:19 pm

Angel wrote:
Fri Aug 09, 2019 2:51 am
I had one moment of weakness when I desperately wanted to contact LO again, but I had received a text from SO right around the same time seeing if I was feeling better.
It's funny how this works out, the timing thing. I get the same thing happening too. Unexplainable.

So pleased SO is supportive. Really pleased for you.
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

Angel
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Re: Starting NC

Post by Angel » Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:55 am

L-F wrote:
Mon Aug 12, 2019 8:19 pm
It's funny how this works out, the timing thing. I get the same thing happening too. Unexplainable.

So pleased SO is supportive. Really pleased for you.
Thanks L-F, and for your continued encouragements, support and at times tough talk. Your first interaction with me almost scared me off of these forums, but I also saw the wisdom and truth of your words.

I feel like I’m slipping into depression, and you warned about that too. Need to do something more proactive about that tomorrow.

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