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LC/NC Thread

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
ReeledIn
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by ReeledIn » Fri Aug 02, 2019 2:31 am

@Patti, how is NC going??
F, 48
LO M, 55, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | became EA/PA until 6/18/2017
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

Pattihopeful
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Pattihopeful » Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:39 am

Hi Reeled In. Not good. My LO called an online video meeting for us to work on something.

He ended the meeting abruptly after we said a quick goodbye.

I had to leave for counseling. He sent me an email reply which was glowing about a project I sent him.

On the way to counseling, I felt kicked in the gut. I called him for a stupid question. I know he could tell because it was awkward. We chatted a bit and he said I have to go mow the lawn goodbye.

And then, I snapped. All the tears and pain came out. I was triggered by how things had changed. That yes this was over. I went into counseling crying and had to sit in the waiting room. She was good and kept pointing out his push pull etc and said this would hurt a long time. I remember you warned me how awful it feels after the discard. Yep, pretty awful. There sure was no "special bond" it was all fiction.

How are you? I hope you find healing. My counselor said people that are hot/cold feel comfortable because that was how I was treated growing up. Take care and looking forward to updates about you.
Last edited by Pattihopeful on Sat Aug 03, 2019 10:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.

BobSmith
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by BobSmith » Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:58 pm

After 5 months of no contact I fb messaged my LO on Thursday 1st august. I got a reply within 10 minutes, and we had a few back and forths but my last message was not replied to (it didn't need a reply tbh). Last night whilst out with friends, I I decided to take a peek at her face book profile (also the first time I've looked at it in 5 months). On July the 6th, she'd posted a smiling picture of her with a bloke, with just the caption 'my new boyfriend, haaaa', underneath. Lots or replies from her friends saying well done, and good luck etc.

Gutted is not the word. I now haven't really slept since, and certainly not eaten. When will this end? we went out for one month last oct/Nov.

Helpmeplease
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Helpmeplease » Sun Aug 04, 2019 5:57 pm

pH this will be hard but you have started and that is critical. I remember crying a lot and also in public. It's healthy to let tears out. Yes it will take a long time. I am resigned to that fact now, I suspect you will fight this for a bit and then accept it. It's painful. Amazing how we can get to a point where we 'love' someone move than our family and put that at risk.

I would guess your LO is still going to take some of this for his manipulation and benefit given past comments especially how he treate you during the discloser. He is bad for you in my opinion - can you steer clear of all work with him? Did he need to set that call up?


I am hoping councillor is helping.

BobS, ouch sorry that's a nasty reset. Watch the sleep. Lack of sleep makes this 100x worse.

ReeledIn
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by ReeledIn » Mon Aug 05, 2019 3:41 am

@PH
I am so sorry and I know the pain. What I have found helpful these past day or so is to realize that it's not the REAL, adult version of us they are rejecting, it's the wounded child version of us they see and are both using as "supply" and then rejecting. That's not the real you or me.

I cannot recall.. is this guy your boss??

@BobSmith
You will have to go cold turkey. Block this person on FB. Even a little contact is toxic.

TOTAL NC= FREEDOM

I would write more but I can't access a full keyboard for a while. Messages will be short.
F, 48
LO M, 55, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | became EA/PA until 6/18/2017
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

L-F
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United States of America

Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by L-F » Mon Aug 05, 2019 8:44 pm

Pattihopeful wrote:
Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:39 am
On the way to counseling, I felt kicked in the gut. I called him for a stupid question. I know he could tell because it was awkward. We chatted a bit, and he said I have to go mow the lawn goodbye.
This is where radical honesty comes in. Before you do anything, double-check, triple-check, and ask what are you doing it for, and why?

The process of radical honesty slows things down enough to allow you to think in a more rational way as opposed to emotionally.

When I had questions, and I knew LO had the answer, I looked to others to find the answer or Dr Google. Because radical honesty revealed, I only wanted her to 1. Save me, or 2. her attention.
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

Pattihopeful
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Pattihopeful » Tue Aug 06, 2019 1:52 am

Bob, yes this is tough. It would be hard to have dated them and see them with someone new. My heart goes out to you.

HMP, thank you. I know you understand as do many on here. The meeting was important but my counselor said I should avoid video meetings if they are triggering. I could just say may webcam is acting up.She is helping. Yes I am fighting it for sure. I hope you are doing ok and NC is back on track.

RI, thank you for the analogy of the wounded child being rejected, not us my adult me and using me as supply. Yes he is my boss plus teacher at kid's school. He crosses so many paths. I believe there are narcs after this and something in me is broken too. How are you doing?

LF, thanks for that reference to radical honesty. I think those questions will be helpful. I wanted him to rescue me from pain, instead it caused more. It stings to not be in la la land but its the only way to heal.

Bettyboo
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Bettyboo » Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:24 am

I’m struggling massively with LC this week. LO is on holiday.

We had the opportunity to chat last night but my heart wasn’t in. It felt wrong. I want to ask him how his holiday is going and I’d love to hear what he’s up to.

Instead I’m consumed by jealousy and I can’t bring myself to even ask. He doesn’t seem to be missing me or even thinking about me at all. Why would he though.

It feels as though all the closeness we’ve built up has just evaporated.

BobSmith
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by BobSmith » Tue Aug 06, 2019 11:28 am

Having a relapse this past week. I looked at a Fbook story of hers this morning (and actually thought she wasn't as beautiful as I'd remembered.) I feel very queasy now though. This is after 5 months of no contact at all (no Social media, nothing). But that's 3 Fbook peeks since last Friday now (twice looking at a picture of her and her new BF). We'd also exchanged a few Fbook messages last Thursday (my instigation). Bah.

BobSmith
Posts: 40
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Great Britain

Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by BobSmith » Tue Aug 06, 2019 11:38 am

BobSmith wrote:
Tue Aug 06, 2019 11:28 am
Having a relapse this past week. I looked at a Fbook story of hers this morning (and actually thought she wasn't as beautiful as I'd remembered.) I feel very queasy now though. This is after 5 months of no contact at all (no Social media, nothing). But that's 3 Fbook peeks since last Friday now (twice looking at a picture of her and her new BF). We'd also exchanged a few Fbook messages last Thursday (my instigation). Bah.
I've just been reading this though, which has helped calm me down:-
https://livingwithlimerence.com/2019/07 ... -to-avoid/

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