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LC/NC Thread

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
daydreamer
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by daydreamer » Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:09 pm

i think the part of the problem is the ease of texting/emailing. what helped me was complete removal of my LO from my phone (contacts, whatsapp, etc). it's like she died for me. i still grieved the relationship, but i have no compulsion anymore.

think about it, if you're an alcoholic trying to quit, you would remove the booze from your home, right?
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

Maddie
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Maddie » Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:36 pm

ReeledIn wrote:
Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:40 am
daydreamer wrote:
Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:15 am
Patti, what would you like to know? fire away.
i can tell you, from my experience, LC sucks, NC rocks. while in NC you are in control of the communication. in LC, it's the opposite, the communication controls you. LC promotes addiction. NC cures addiction.
Love this! I go from medium LC to ultra low LC starting Aug 1 when I leave current job. Unless LO attempts to contact me, it will be virtually NC. (We could easily run in to each other in the cafeteria or something but I can easily avoid that if I am strong!)
I love that too DD. Reeled, ultimately I think you'll find relief in the NC. However, if he pulls a hoover move...surely he would not...surely. You have come so far, kid, you can move mountains (from a Dr suess book, lol) ! do you still have the SO for support? does he know about the nature of LE....like how it waxes and wanes?
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Pattihopeful
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Pattihopeful » Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:38 am

Yes you are right DD! FB is like awful for a limerence too. When will I learn? I am exhausted. Rough waters ahead. Panic feelings and disbelief.

daydreamer
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by daydreamer » Fri Jul 19, 2019 2:21 pm

Pattihopeful wrote:
Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:38 am
FB is like awful for a limerence
i don't honestly know how you can pull it off while being friends on FB. if you're serious about the whole thing, you may need to suspend your account.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

Pattihopeful
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Pattihopeful » Fri Jul 19, 2019 5:28 pm

Yes, I agree DD. In order to unfriend him, I will have to leave FB. This guy is my son's role model and we have many friends in common. I can't just get rid of him. I did unfollow him. 95 percent of his posts are public so I can look them up. I am so hurt over things I can't see straight but I have NO desire to contact him. Just grief over the loss of who I thought was a true friend. Yes, I feel romantic rejection but the primary emotion is sadness. Ok I do want to contact but just to tell him off.

daydreamer
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by daydreamer » Fri Jul 19, 2019 6:55 pm

i believe this is one of those rare situations when you want to burn all the bridges, so there is no coming back. otherwise, years of suffering as we all heard about on this forum.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

ReeledIn
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by ReeledIn » Sat Jul 20, 2019 5:47 pm

Pattihopeful wrote:
Fri Jul 19, 2019 5:28 pm
Yes, I agree DD. In order to unfriend him, I will have to leave FB. This guy is my son's role model and we have many friends in common. I can't just get rid of him. I did unfollow him. 95 percent of his posts are public so I can look them up. I am so hurt over things I can't see straight but I have NO desire to contact him. Just grief over the loss of who I thought was a true friend. Yes, I feel romantic rejection but the primary emotion is sadness. Ok I do want to contact but just to tell him off.
I am thinking of you, Patti. How are you today?

Some thoughts on how to handle FB:
1) block him... that way even if you are tempted to look him up, you can't .. and then you also won't see any of his comments on friends' photos, etc. It's as if he's invisible if you just block him. He also cannot see YOU or anything you post. AND - he will not KNOW that you blocked him unless he specifically seeks you out. If he searches for you, he just won't find you. He'll assume you left FB.
2) take a break ... and the easiest way to do this to remove the app from your home screen if you don't want to uninstall it altogether. I removed it from my home screen about 3 years ago and found that I just FORGOT about facebook. There's something about not seeing it on my phone (and not seeing that obnoxious little red notification number) that removed all temptation. Out of sight out of mind completely for me.

So my last day in the office with LO will be 7.31. I then go on a 2-week trip during which I'll be working remotely, so there is a chance we could interact and I could get a dopamine hit. Ugh. And then I start in my new office/new building (same campus) on Aug 19. I don't expect to hear from LO after that, unless he starts trolling for supply (pseudo hoovering)... which he's hinted he might do, in so many words. (Example: "I'm hoping we can keep our friendly connection going" or something to that effect. :| ) My reaction to that was a blank stare and total bewilderment. I haven't been able to bring myself to say, "I don't think that's a wise idea," or "No we can't." The reasons for that is my dopamine addiction PLUS my possible need for some help from him in the new role... ugh. Maybe this isn't really NC like I need it to be. I'm sure everyone here would agree.

At least there's no more daily proximity. This is a huge step.
F, 48
LO M, 55, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | became EA/PA until 6/18/2017
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

ReeledIn
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by ReeledIn » Sat Jul 20, 2019 5:57 pm

Maddie wrote:
Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:36 pm
Reeled, ultimately I think you'll find relief in the NC. However, if he pulls a hoover move...surely he would not...surely. You have come so far, kid, you can move mountains (from a Dr suess book, lol) ! do you still have the SO for support? does he know about the nature of LE....like how it waxes and wanes?
Hi Maddie!!

thanks for the vote of confidence. SO is still around, but of course he does not know about the lingering LE/fantasy. He just knows that I'm moving to another building away from LO and he assumes I am thrilled about it, just as SO is. I can't put him through this again. He's been through enough. I enjoy seeing him happy. Meanwhile I have my therapist, a few LE pen pals and this forum to get me through... somehow, some way.. I'll get through it.

See post above for answers to some of your other questions. :ymhug:
F, 48
LO M, 55, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | became EA/PA until 6/18/2017
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

ReeledIn
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by ReeledIn » Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:09 pm

Pattihopeful and others ....just thought I would check in. Yesterday I moved away from LO, so there will be no more daily proximity at work, and now I am out of state til the 17th (with family)...so it's total NC for me after quite a Monday where we actually had lunch. It was horrible and just confirmed the absolute 200% need for me to go total NC.

So I guess this is Day 1 for me. Dealing with rejection, withdrawals and NC all at once. Rough stuff.
F, 48
LO M, 55, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | became EA/PA until 6/18/2017
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

Pattihopeful
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Pattihopeful » Fri Aug 02, 2019 1:27 am

Reeled In, I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. I am glad you came back here. When I first joined, you called out my LO and everything you said was right. I am a hurting fool and wish I would have listened to you! The pull of this is so intense. Take care and hugs to you for quick healing!

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