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LC/NC Thread

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
Pattihopeful
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Pattihopeful » Tue Aug 06, 2019 11:58 am

Bettyboo, I am in deep myself but something that helped me is what a friend told me. In fact boy do I need this now. It's regarding your LO not missing you. Right now, he is with his wife and family. They are the main dish of his life. To our LOs, we are like a snack. Something they need or have once in a while. You deserve to be someone's main dish! And the attention the LOs gives us is like cookie
crumbs. It takes no work on their part to drop them and they will never sayisfy.

Also, we play a bit part in LOs feature film. Don't settle for that. Now, I am going to read this to myself daily.Hugs to you.

Bob, I feel for you! Facebook is a LS's nightmare. I haven't had the guts to unfriend LO as we have tons of mutual friends including my son. I am not liking anything anymore. I hope you can quickly find your way back to no contact. 5 months is awesome!

I didn't contact him in a personal manner yesterday and this a.m. I am so glad. No personal things since last Thursday including FB. Just brief, work related. I did give him a work related compliment which needs to stop. He emailed me a compliment about an invitation I sent out much earlier in the am than normal. It was triggering. I need to get it through my head that any compliments I give him are providing fuel to a beast.

Bettyboo
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Bettyboo » Tue Aug 06, 2019 1:13 pm

Thanks Patti - a good analogy.. you’re right of course.

I’m not initiating any contact and I’m keeping my replies as brief as possible, whilst keeping them polite and dignified. It’s just sooooooo hard!

BobSmith
Posts: 40
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2019 12:08 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by BobSmith » Tue Aug 06, 2019 1:37 pm

Pattihopeful wrote:
Tue Aug 06, 2019 11:58 am
Bettyboo, I am in deep myself but something that helped me is what a friend told me. In fact boy do I need this now. It's regarding your LO not missing you. Right now, he is with his wife and family. They are the main dish of his life. To our LOs, we are like a snack. Something they need or have once in a while. You deserve to be someone's main dish! And the attention the LOs gives us is like cookie
crumbs. It takes no work on their part to drop them and they will never sayisfy.

Also, we play a bit part in LOs feature film. Don't settle for that. Now, I am going to read this to myself daily.Hugs to you.

Bob, I feel for you! Facebook is a LS's nightmare. I haven't had the guts to unfriend LO as we have tons of mutual friends including my son. I am not liking anything anymore. I hope you can quickly find your way back to no contact. 5 months is awesome!

I didn't contact him in a personal manner yesterday and this a.m. I am so glad. No personal things since last Thursday including FB. Just brief, work related. I did give him a work related compliment which needs to stop. He emailed me a compliment about an invitation I sent out much earlier in the am than normal. It was triggering. I need to get it through my head that any compliments I give him are providing fuel to a beast.
Thanks Patti, I'm fairly new on here, and don't feel I yet have the knowledge to offer the advice the others have. But wishing you all the best here. I know 'muting' mine on FB helped, so I saw no updates in my feed.

Pattihopeful
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Pattihopeful » Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:34 pm

Betty Boo and Bob, if you read my other posts you will see I am a trainwreck right now. When I try to help someone on here, its out of trying to offer that you are not alone and passing along some things others have said. I wish you both nothing but the best.

Angel
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Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:52 pm
United States of America

Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Angel » Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:18 pm

I’ve been following all your posts, Patti, and I just made the decision for full NC. I sent an email to ask him to respect my need for NC, and then proceeded to block every way I can think of for him to contact me, except snail mail, which he told me that he sent at least 3 packages to my work address. A couple of them are work related, and I think they will be safe to open and I can share with colleagues. But in another thread, someone told me I didn’t have to open other things. True enough....

I’m pretty new to this forum, maybe 2 months. Thank you for sharing so openly about your struggles. Now I can expect the pain? I’m asking two of my closest friends to keep me accountable, and didn’t disclose exactly what it was, but they’ll check in with me regularly. I think that was one of the issues with me that made having an LO/EA so attractive - the secrecy and the thrill that accompanied it.

Pattihopeful
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Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Pattihopeful » Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:31 pm

Angel that is great! Yes, from what I hear, and am experiencing, it hurts. I am glad you read my posts. You don't want to get to this point. You get deeper and deeper in. I wish I would have stopped at 2 months. I have some tough choices to make very soon. Please keep us updated. Hugs to you!

Max
Posts: 17
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2014 12:25 am

Re: LC/NC Thread

Post by Max » Wed Sep 25, 2019 2:02 am

Social media is a real problem for me too. It's the main way I communicated with LO (Facebook and Whatsapp msgs) but it's also my lifeline to pretty much everyone else I'm connected to in the world and care about. It also helps promote my work / business, but since I've badly neglected that since the LE kicked in I can't use that as an excuse really.

I've hidden her on fbk for now which helps a little, but I really should work up the courage to unfriend her there too. Otherwise whenever I post anything I can't be sure if I'm doing it to somehow get her attention, send her a message etc, and it makes me self conscious about using the platform, want to use it less, be forgotten about by everyone and potentially withdrawing from the world in doing so.

And of course it will fuel the hope that she'll suddenly seek me out and we'll magically go back to they way we were before everything went to s*it.

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