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LO's Birthday

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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Bluebell
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2019 9:54 pm
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Great Britain

LO's Birthday

Post by Bluebell » Fri Feb 01, 2019 3:18 pm

NC for 13 months, his birthday is coming up, the dilemma of whether to send him birthday wishes or not has me in turmoil. I did break the NC to wish him happy birthday last year for which he thanked me. But NC continued.
Not contacting him will be very tough for me but thanks to this forum I can see it is a compulsion and it will pass.
Any tips to help me through? Thanks
F 49
LO M 52 10yrs
NC 1yr +
'Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.'

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Chuck
Posts: 93
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:04 pm
Canada

Re: LO's Birthday

Post by Chuck » Fri Feb 01, 2019 4:52 pm

Find something to do on his birthday. Keep busy, go out, have some fun, talk to others. Reach out to people that have nothing to do with your LE. You've come a long way after 13 months and there is no response that you will get from him that is worth the emotional roller coaster that will come from planning your message, sending it and then waiting for a reply.
Just keep reminding yourself that not reaching out is a WIN!
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying

mamasita
Posts: 956
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
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United States of America

Re: LO's Birthday

Post by mamasita » Fri Feb 01, 2019 6:04 pm

I wished LO a happy birthday last year and got no response. There could be various reasons for this (all of which I guessed on and worried about for months). Previous to last year, we had both wished each other a happy birthday every year for 15+ years. My disclosure and limerence changed everything.
If you see your happy birthday wishes for your LO as a way to gain some reciprocation, then you may think twice about the well wishes on his day.
For everyone else, "happy birthday" is something to make them realize you thought of them on their special day. For the LO, that isn't why I would wish him a happy birthday. The motives are deeper. I want a return message and more.
You will maybe always want to, but don't do it. For you.

songofhiawatha
Posts: 114
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2015 10:03 am
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Age: 77
Great Britain

Re: LO's Birthday

Post by songofhiawatha » Thu Feb 07, 2019 6:25 pm

I see that there are two threads going on this topic. Likewise, I have wished my LO Happy Birthday, by text, for the past 5 or so years. I want very much to do so again this March. BUT, as has been pointed out, this is really in order to receive a response from her. I am basically in NC and in the last months LO has been cruel in order to be kind, (I believe), in uncharacteristically not even acknowledging a small Christmas present I managed to get to her or even to send me Christmas greetings.
I think that this time, as I am getting over limerence to some degree, I will not send her Birthday greetings though it makes me sad that this will probably be the final severing of our largely one-sided relationship.
Does anyone disagree with this resolution? I am not really expecting any replies - I am just musing out loud so to speak.

NVTS
Posts: 535
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: LO's Birthday

Post by NVTS » Thu Feb 07, 2019 6:34 pm

Sending you strength Songof hiawatha!
M-47-married
LO- married 48,work colleagues

Bluebell
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2019 9:54 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: LO's Birthday

Post by Bluebell » Fri Feb 08, 2019 12:18 am

Thanks for the support I didn't wish him HB I took your advice Chuck and kept busy and I am v proud of myself. Mamasita you are right of course because for me the birthday wishes are all about his reply, I just wanted a reply from him. Knowing now that l I have a condition called limerence makes this a little easier to navigate.
Although I do now worry with my limerent brain that I will have to wait 12 months to have a legitimate reason to contact him again!
Songofhiawatha I know it is a huge battle and one I always lost before. But I feel so much freerer and I am enjoying my own life more than ever, this has taken 13 months of pain and hard work, but believe me it is worth it. I think I am nearing the end of my limerence after ten years. I really hope so anyway.
Finding this group and hearing the different stories that resonate deeply with me has been a huge support and turning point for me.
F 49
LO M 52 10yrs
NC 1yr +
'Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.'

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Chuck
Posts: 93
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:04 pm
Canada

Re: LO's Birthday

Post by Chuck » Fri Feb 08, 2019 9:24 pm

That's great Bluebell. By the time his next birthday rolls around you will have an even better handle on this. Way to go!
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying

Bluebell
Posts: 64
Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2019 9:54 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: LO's Birthday

Post by Bluebell » Sun Feb 10, 2019 1:35 am

To think I might be free of my limerence this time next year is a great motivator Chuck. I am getting better and I look forward to the day when I don't think about him anymore. It is possible.
Stay strong!
Bluebell
F 49
LO M 52 10yrs
NC 1yr +
'Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.'

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