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Limited contact screwed me over

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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Posts: 96
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2018 12:11 pm
Age: 29

Limited contact screwed me over

Post by Yesnomaybeso »

I definitely did this to myself and I deserve the painful consequences. I was feeling it less and less but yesterday when I messaged them back.. wow the pain came back in full force. So I have to go full NC but the thing is, to do that I should delete them off social media. I feel bad doing that. They did absolutely nothing wrong. I just feel like if I don’t then I won’t be able to go on Facebook at all which is an option but also another way for me to feel kinda disconnected. :-\ it’s like I’m still holding on and that’s why I feel bad deleting them. They probably wouldn’t even care or notice so what’s stopping me. Anyone found a way to go full NC without deleting them off Facebook?

Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:32 pm

Re: Limited contact screwed me over

Post by Katrulz »

I’ve experienced the same. Contact once a year and just hearing their voice brought back the intense emotions. Immediately. Like nothing had ever changed.

The problem with keeping an avenue of access is the temptation to stalk, see what they are up to, do they like your posts, do they still think about you? Etc etc.

One way I’ve been able to keep an avenue open AND stay somewhat sane is to go NC and record the number of times I look at his status. Record religiously. Then when I want to stalk, I remember, ‘hey if I do, I’ll need to write that down, and I’ve been going so well..’

Having a friend you talk to when you’re tempted to stalk or look at their page can help. Keeping a journal or record can help too.

Having a avenue of contact during the first few weeks of NC is HARD and I wouldn’t recommend it. Gets friend to change ur fb password if you must. But after about a month of NC, when the bond isn’t as strong, can be doable if you have the mental courage and strength to tell yourself not to stalk or even look at their page.

Good luck.
Married Female Age 32.
Multiple LO's since primary school ending with reciprication, transference, starvation and burnout.
Started NC 10/12/18 with last platonic LO.

Posts: 1037
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
United States of America

Re: Limited contact screwed me over

Post by mamasita »

I know the feeling. I feel bad for unfriending and blocking LO from my social media. I had to do it to regain control of a situation that felt so out of my control. It was the only way. If he ever cared enough to ask why, I'd tell him.
I admit, I am still friends w him on FB because of our family connections and the history on FB (it would be strange if we were no longer friends on there/noticeable to others)but like Katrulz does, I make pacts with myself to not go to his page "for the rest of the month" or "until next year" etc.
It helps that he doesn't post much and there's not much to see that I haven't thoroughly examined already.

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