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Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
Age: 47
United States of America

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Tremington » Sun Jan 13, 2019 12:54 am

Well, just 2 weeks this go around. We stopped a bunch of times and it lasted many months. I made the mustake of seeing her right after Christmas and it crushed me. She looked so beautiful and yet she kept me at a distance. She gave me a very thoughful gift and in that moment I realized I kept her at a distance when this all started and it crushed her. I was devastated to feel it and then realize I made her feel that way too. It was awful.

It was a major, major set back for me. I have dealt with some of the craziest shit you can imagine and Linerence has literally laid me low it is so bad.

Feeling alot better now with NC and I bet she is too.

ReeledIn
Posts: 672
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:39 pm
Gender:
Age: 48
United States of America

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by ReeledIn » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:12 am

All the advice here is right on.

Block LO on social media so that you are not tempted to look at their profile
Remove them from your phone
Connect with loved ones
Stay AWAY from Love music and romantic movies (I'm still doing this after 19 months of close proximity NC)
Get into therapy if you're not already - you NEED someone you can talk to - someone with a physical presence
Triple up on self care of all kinds (massage, yoga, exercise, salt bath floats, pedicures.. whatever you can afford)

And what helps me the most.... carry a list around in your phone of the times he did talk down to you, ignored you or made you feel crappy in any way, shape or form... when you are tempted to contact him.. go straight to this LIST. Jot down as many examples as possible. Remember that if you were in some kind of real relationship, this treatment of you would only get worse - he would not suddenly change.

Also, remember that what you are feeling is merely dopamine.. it's like cocaine. Withdrawals are difficult, but once you've gotten through those withdrawals and remain "clean" in NC, this only gets easier - especially if proximity is not an issue.



Best of luck! :ymhug:
F, 48
LO M, 55, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | became EA/PA until 6/18/2017
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
Age: 47
United States of America

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Tremington » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:25 am

You know, I was never mean or bad to her and neither was she to me. We both wanted each other so bad but life had other plans.....

ReeledIn
Posts: 672
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:39 pm
Gender:
Age: 48
United States of America

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by ReeledIn » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:36 am

Disintegration wrote:
Sat Jan 12, 2019 9:37 pm
I guess the only comfort I have is that he was a bit shit anyway, so at least now I don’t have to sit around waiting for him to text me back. Sometimes he wouldn’t text me back at all, he never made me feel like I was that important to him. Whilst I miss the good times, the heartache really isn’t worth it.
Hopefully, Tremington, you know I was responding to this quote from Disintegration above.

I guess for those of you who were actually treated well by your LO's.. it can be even harder. I wouldn't know what that was like.

Hugs to you! :ymhug:
F, 48
LO M, 55, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | became EA/PA until 6/18/2017
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
Age: 47
United States of America

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Tremington » Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:45 am

It was awful in how good and kind we were to each other (other than I had NO business doing what I did in the first place). If she was mean or bad I feel it would have been so much easier.

Worst thing she ever did was break NC, 3 times!

Disintegration
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Disintegration » Sun Jan 13, 2019 10:55 am

Tremington wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 12:54 am
Well, just 2 weeks this go around. We stopped a bunch of times and it lasted many months. I made the mustake of seeing her right after Christmas and it crushed me. She looked so beautiful and yet she kept me at a distance. She gave me a very thoughful gift and in that moment I realized I kept her at a distance when this all started and it crushed her. I was devastated to feel it and then realize I made her feel that way too. It was awful.

It was a major, major set back for me. I have dealt with some of the craziest shit you can imagine and Linerence has literally laid me low it is so bad.

Feeling alot better now with NC and I bet she is too.
I’m glad you’re feeling better, it goes to show that NC works and is the best thing for those involved. I hope you can continue with it. It must be hard knowing her in real life, thankfully my lo lives far away, so I know I won’t be bumping into him any time soon.

Disintegration
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Disintegration » Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:01 am

ReeledIn wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:12 am
All the advice here is right on.

Block LO on social media so that you are not tempted to look at their profile
Remove them from your phone
Connect with loved ones
Stay AWAY from Love music and romantic movies (I'm still doing this after 19 months of close proximity NC)
Get into therapy if you're not already - you NEED someone you can talk to - someone with a physical presence
Triple up on self care of all kinds (massage, yoga, exercise, salt bath floats, pedicures.. whatever you can afford)

And what helps me the most.... carry a list around in your phone of the times he did talk down to you, ignored you or made you feel crappy in any way, shape or form... when you are tempted to contact him.. go straight to this LIST. Jot down as many examples as possible. Remember that if you were in some kind of real relationship, this treatment of you would only get worse - he would not suddenly change.

Also, remember that what you are feeling is merely dopamine.. it's like cocaine. Withdrawals are difficult, but once you've gotten through those withdrawals and remain "clean" in NC, this only gets easier - especially if proximity is not an issue.



Best of luck! :ymhug:
Thank you Reeledin!

I’m feeling a bit sad this morning, but I’m not going to contact him. I actually have a list on my phone just like the one you described, it contains all the times he ignored me or did something to hurt me. It actually gave me the strength to tell him to leave me alone in the first place. I’ve been through it again this morning. As much as I miss him, I really don’t want to go through all the disappointment again. So for now, I’m staying nc.

I don’t know what I will do when he contacts me though, If he does. I really hope I can just ignore him.

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
Age: 47
United States of America

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Tremington » Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:33 am

I would block him for 2 weeks minimum. If he contacts you again you will spiral down. Trust me. In 2 weeks or so the fog will begin to lift to a point where you might just leave him blocked which is where you want to be.

Disintegration
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Disintegration » Sun Jan 13, 2019 7:37 pm

Tremington wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:33 am
I would block him for 2 weeks minimum. If he contacts you again you will spiral down. Trust me. In 2 weeks or so the fog will begin to lift to a point where you might just leave him blocked which is where you want to be.
I don’t think I have the strength to block him, maybe tomorrow. :(

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