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Already screwed NC but I’ve got this

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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Yesnomaybeso
Posts: 78
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2018 12:11 pm
Gender:
Age: 28
Australia

Already screwed NC but I’ve got this

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Thu Dec 27, 2018 4:05 am

I decided to go NC on Christmas Day, after having a real meltdown the day before, crying, feeling the pain, knowing that the real source of this pain was my childhood. But today I went on Facebook to deactivate my account so that I’m more likely to stick with it and there was a message from my LO saying happy holidays. I didn’t feel my heart flutter, I didn’t get excited when I saw it, but it did I guess make me somewhat happy. This is the thing though, obviously it’s on its way out but the pain I felt was so real, so NC has to be done regardless. My plan? To not go on Facebook for a month and not look them up online (rarely do this but know when I do that it can hold me back). The hardest part for me though is the daydreaming. I’m still doing it and don’t know how to stop because I’ve been daydreaming since I was a kid. Any tips to succeed with NC would be awesome.

Pudding
Posts: 738
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am
Canada

Re: Already screwed NC but I’ve got this

Post by Pudding » Thu Dec 27, 2018 4:17 am

The best way I’ve found to battle the intrusive thoughts is to acknowledge them but don’t dwell on them or give them power. Let them just be. Accept them, don’t fight them, but then disregard them as “neurological junk”. So I’ll realize I’m thinking of LO, and I’ll stop and say to myself “Oh, there is LO in my brain again, off you go!” and visualize him being pushed aside, blown away, etc. I’ve dealt with thoughts of binge eating the same way because they’re very similar: habits, or neural pathways that need to be broken down. Sometimes it’s easier said than done but it is so much better than fighting the thoughts, berating yourself for having them, and feeling guilty. The thoughts don’t have meaning and weight unless you give them such by getting carried away with them and attributing feelings to them.
F 39
LO is M 37, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control ~x(
LE began in the fall of 2015

Yesnomaybeso
Posts: 78
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2018 12:11 pm
Gender:
Age: 28
Australia

Re: Already screwed NC but I’ve got this

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Thu Dec 27, 2018 2:10 pm

Thanks for the advice pudding :)

MetsFan
Posts: 154
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 8:23 am
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United States of America

Re: Already screwed NC but I’ve got this

Post by MetsFan » Thu Dec 27, 2018 7:26 pm

I’m 2 weeks NC tomorrow. My approach has been: fall out with LO, tell her we’re done as friends, delete texts, delete number from cell, defriend from social media. I’m still ruminating about her, but slightly less each day.

Thoughts are mainly wondering how she’s reacting to what I’ve done, but I’m not rehearsing our next meeting because there won’t be one. When I catch myself thinking about her I get up and do something. The tricky times are when I’m driving as I’ve got a long stretch generally with music on that then reminds me of her. I think I’m going to switch to sports based podcasts...

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