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Restarting NC

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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Sara72
Posts: 85
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:18 am
Gender:
Netherlands

Restarting NC

Post by Sara72 » Mon May 21, 2018 3:39 pm

I have to face the music. Or as we say in the Netherlands: sit on the blisters.

I broke NC a few days ago. He replied. We had a phone conversation yesterday. Massive anxiety peak today. I feel physically ill. He accused me of blame shifting when I told him he had never ended our contact in a normal way (last time he ghosted me) and I started to defend and explain myself all over again. He knows I have issues with him suddenly going silent on me because my dad used to ignore me for days during my teens. He even referred to it, knowing how I hate being ignored, but that's just the way he deals with my behavior. He is never accountable for anything. I kept replaying the conversation today and it is driving me nuts. I feel my self worth flying out the window. So I texted a friendly message (yes, needed a fix). Got a little relieve from the anxiety. He replied with a 2 word sentence. Anxiety peaked again. I see it so very very clearly now. Feeling rejected by LO triggers my anxiety. He is not interested. He is with someone else. He says he would like to be friends, but I see it is not a true friendship. I thought I could handle it. I overestimated myself big time. This was self sabotage. I broke NC to get some relieve from the lingering anxiety and ended up with more anxiety. I cannot be friends with him.

I don't want to go down the same road again. I am already feeling worse than I was last year when he broke off all contact. Exactly 1 year ago today.

So the right thing to do is go NC again. All the other times we parted on bad terms and NC followed with him blocking or ignoring me. This time I am planning on leaving quietly. We are 'on speaking terms', but I am certain he will not initiate contact. We had 3 earlier periods of contact and the only time he made the effort was in period 1 when he was chasing me and at the start of period 3 when he broke NC after 1 year and started chasing again (be it in a shortened version of period 1).

I know NC is the healthy choice. I did not anticipate my reaction to this reconnecting and I find it scary. I hope that his silence will help me accept that this is not a healthy connection and that I have to let go and get back to working on myself. I ff-ing hate this.
F, 46
LO, M, 41
There is liberation in a single acceptance

Pudding
Posts: 738
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am
Canada

Re: Restarting NC

Post by Pudding » Mon May 21, 2018 4:02 pm

Aw Sara :ymhug:
It is so difficult, isn't it? I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't experienced it myself.
I will be where you are in about six weeks. Different situation and details, but still, NC will begin again after being around LO for about three months, which were preceeded by 9 months of NC. I did SO well with those nine months. I need to get back there again.
I know it will be hard but I also know it will be better for me. Same for you. The only way to break the cycle is to resist that temptation to reconnect. Each time you do, you will get stronger.
We are here for you!
Last edited by Pudding on Mon May 21, 2018 5:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
F 39
LO is M 37, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control ~x(
LE began in the fall of 2015

Sara72
Posts: 85
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:18 am
Gender:
Netherlands

Re: Restarting NC

Post by Sara72 » Mon May 21, 2018 4:28 pm

I reached the stage where I actually am so fed up with feeling this anxiety. The 'reward' of the conversation yesterday was minimal and the anxiety is huge. I hoped reconnecting would be OK. That we could be friends. Today has teached me I really can't.
F, 46
LO, M, 41
There is liberation in a single acceptance

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