- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
I post songs in it because I can. As in, I'm no longer limerent and thats the part I enjoy. Rather than basking, I'm celebrating limerence given that it has helped me to be more present with life, and less stuck in a fantasy. But that doesn't mean I don't have hope. Hope will always remain for me. So I figured just had to learn to live with it.
- Posts: 1042
- Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
I guess it's like sitting with feelings. If I don't fight them, the blows may be softer. Hope could be viewed in the same vein.....
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
Thats the conclusion I came to too. Instead of fight it, I invited it. It doesn't change anything other than being something I can live with. Of course I don't want a life with LO, though HOPE, like you said, is difficult to be rid of. So now I view it as 'just one of those things'. Its not the elephant in the room any more, it's definitely visible and welcome to stay. In time I might learn something from it.
But for now, at least I don't have to fight it.
- french girl
- Posts: 284
- Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:48 pm
- Age: 47
I think the reason why I keep on enjoying limerence is boredom : my life feels really empty without limerence.
It must seem really different for you because your limerent experience wasn't a virtual one : you had a real relationship with your LO, and reading your presentation thread, it seems your LO is a really obnoxious guy.
It's so good that you're able to stay No Contact...
When limerence is just a daydream and nothing more, it seems you can keep on indefinitely to dream about it, even if it hurts in the long run...
- Site Admin
- Posts: 3130
- Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
- Location: London UK
- Age: 59
And hoping our LO's will reach out to us is again normal and part of our trajectory through limerence. My experience is it does fade with time. And when we do pine for their attention/validation/ego strokes, see it fir what it is, a void within us that we are looking to fill. Learning to sit with the boredom and empty feelings is part of growth, appreciating when we are distracting ourselves from the mundaneness of life.
For Relationship Coaching help see www.loverelations.co.uk
For Individual Coaching and Mentoring see www.drdavidperl.com
- Posts: 85
- Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2018 8:18 am
LO, M, 41
There is liberation in a single acceptance
- Posts: 499
- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
- Posts: 850
- Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:39 pm
- Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
- Age: 48
Indeed. But more importantly, IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER if he likes you or not.
And it doesn't because we are not just "in love" and it all boils down to whether we can or cannot be with LO. It looks and feels like that, but it isn't.
Limerence is a subtly deceiving mirage. It is as if we were dehydrated, critically needing water, but mistaking that fundamental necessity with wanting to go to sleep, and not being able to sleep, so we keep obsessing for the unreachable wrong solution to an invisible problem.
You think you need him, but him is not what you need, is something else much more buried in your core psique. If you got him, you would distract yourself with a fleeting joy that would fool you into thinking you finally got what you needed, except that you didn't, and the void would still be there to pull you back down to the bottom of the pit as soon as the artificial effect of consummating with LO fades away.
When we say limerence is a wake up call, we don't mean a call to find the love of your life. There is no such thing other than yourself. Is a call to figure out what's so fundamentally missing that you can't be happy with yourself.
- Posts: 272
- Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2017 4:32 pm
One thing I found is that my hope regarding LO is connected to hope in other aspects of my life. When I experience feelings of hopelessness regarding something in my life, my feeling of hope for LO intensifies. When I'm generally feeling hopeful for my myself and my future the limerence drops away. I'm hoping he will save me from what feels like a hopeless situation because I don't feel hope for saving myself from it. So when I find myself hoping for LO I try look at what exactly it is I am hoping for, through gaining LO. Human connection? Unconditional love? Safety? Fun? Belonging? Living in the moment? And then I look at the ways I can get that in my life, and I visualise it happening, so I can redirect the hope. It does help.
One thing I did think of doing, and this probably sounds weird, is having a funeral for my hope for LO. Maybe write "I hope LO tells me he loves me" on a piece of paper and burn it, or write it on a stone and drop it in the river. Maybe write an eulogy. Have a good cry. I think part of my problem in letting LO go completely is that I have a problem with grief in general, that it wasn't dealt with well in my family, we cover it up and ignore it, and I don't know how to grieve properly. Whenever I find myself going through the stages of letting go of limerence, I seem to get stuck at that grieving stage and so I cycle back into hope instead.
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest