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Limerent for co-worker that’s in a LTR with another co-worker

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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Limerent for co-worker that’s in a LTR with another co-worker

Post by Greg4168 »

Going to try to make a really long story as short as I can here. I’ve been attracted to my LO for almost 10 years now. We were really close friends while she went through a divorce, and during her next relationship after that. It was during that time that I developed by feelings for her. I work around her every day. She sits about 100 feet from me and is fully in my view while I’m at my desk, which is most of every day. She faces the other direction so at least I’m only looking at the back of her head much of time, and I’m trying hard to avoid noticing her, but as you can imagine that’s super difficult to do. In the meantime, she has been in a secret LTR with another co-worker for several years now. That started while I was first experiencing limerence for her, and she was aware of my feelings, but went ahead with the LTR regardless (I can’t blame her for that). They keep it very quiet at work even though everyone knows about it, and I assume it’s mainly because she doesn’t want to upset me. I do appreciate that, if it’s true, but it only makes me feel even worse because my problem affects her negatively. I do realize that limerence is MY problem, not hers, and that any trouble I have from it should not involve her. I have told her my feelings for her over the years, and instead of being flattered by it she is (in her word) “mortified” that others know that I’m in love with her (I know, how terrible that I love her!). She has gone from being my main confidant at work, she used to refer to me as her work husband, to just another co-worker. Whenever I try to have a personal conversation she steers it back to work. She never, ever, starts a conversation with me these days unless it’s about work. Any thought of a surprise IM popping up on my screen is a thing of the past. Used to happen all the time, now it’s never. It’s incredibly hurtful because she has so completely distanced herself from me, just because of how I feel about her. I can’t imagine I’d treat someone else that way if they were limerent for me. Anyway, I sincerely believe the only fix for me after such a long time of dealing with this stress every day is to go NC. Being that I work with her and will likely do so for the next 15 years or so until one of us retires, this is extremely difficult to do. Getting another job is an absolute last resort, because I’ve been in this job for almost 20 years and plan to retire with it, and it’s an amazing company to work for. I would be really stupid to leave it, especially because I can’t control my feelings for a co-worker that wants nothing to do with me. Does anybody have advice for dealing with this when going NC is impossible?

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Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:45 am

Re: Limerent for co-worker that’s in a LTR with another co-worker

Post by crushed1234 »

There are many people on here that are/have been limerent for co-workers. It makes NC impossible but you can go LC. Here are a few threads that might have some good tips viewtopic.php?f=45&t=4512 and ... =41&t=1894

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