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Why is going NC so hard?

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
cheena
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Jan 13, 2018 10:32 am

Re: Why is going NC so hard?

Post by cheena » Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:57 am

confusedGirl3 wrote:
Tue Nov 10, 2015 2:05 am
I do not like the idea of NC. It is like having chocolate in front of you and you are on a diet. you will just crave it more and more.
I would say if you are not harming anyone or doing something wrong and if you are both available then spend as much time as you can with your LO.
specially if you do not know your LO well, it will help you slowly eliminate the fantasy and replace it with the image of the real person.
If I keep living in a fantasy, then I might never get over it.
I agree so much confusedGirl3! sometimes you need to face your fantacised version of LO with real LO in order to break that bubble in your mind. This can especially apply in cases like mine where I dont know my LO so well let alone having spoken a few words only.
In this case, having contact will help sometimes to wake up from your dream and face him head on to see the real him and probably help to cut down your LE thoughts.

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WishMagick
Posts: 338
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Why is going NC so hard?

Post by WishMagick » Thu Jan 16, 2020 12:16 am

peanutbutter wrote:
Tue Nov 25, 2014 4:00 am

- he can't give a compliment. I did something really cool once, everyone complimented me, but he couldn't!
My LO is like this as well. I always just assumed he didn't want to give me a compliment because he didn't want anyone to think he was flirting with me. But his wife is always fishing for compliments from him and he half-heartedly replies, and only because she kinda pulls it out of him.

Oh, snap. He may be a narc after all. I didn't realize this was part of it. I didn't want to accept it or believe it.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Started Recovering. Now relapsing.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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WishMagick
Posts: 338
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Why is going NC so hard?

Post by WishMagick » Thu Jan 16, 2020 12:18 am

cheena wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:57 am
confusedGirl3 wrote:
Tue Nov 10, 2015 2:05 am
I do not like the idea of NC. It is like having chocolate in front of you and you are on a diet. you will just crave it more and more.
I would say if you are not harming anyone or doing something wrong and if you are both available then spend as much time as you can with your LO.
specially if you do not know your LO well, it will help you slowly eliminate the fantasy and replace it with the image of the real person.
If I keep living in a fantasy, then I might never get over it.
I agree so much confusedGirl3! sometimes you need to face your fantacised version of LO with real LO in order to break that bubble in your mind. This can especially apply in cases like mine where I dont know my LO so well let alone having spoken a few words only.
In this case, having contact will help sometimes to wake up from your dream and face him head on to see the real him and probably help to cut down your LE thoughts.
I agree with all this too - but everyone in here says it's not appropriate when both people are married. Which is my case. Though, my husband wouldn't protest me getting to know LO better. He is convinced that I will see he is nothing special (husband already thinks he's nothing special). I wish I could get to know him because there are already a lot of things I don't like about him, I think I'd uncover something that would wake me up.

LO does not seem to want me to get close to him, so I can't.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Started Recovering. Now relapsing.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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