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NC -- Thoughts

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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mamasita
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by mamasita » Tue May 29, 2018 9:52 pm

AMA210 wrote:
Sat May 19, 2018 3:44 pm
NC seems to be broken at 3-month intervals. Last time came in at nearly 3.5 months, by LO himself.
This time, 4 days shy of 3 months.
Not sure why this is exactly.
It's like my brain is wired for that interval and it's always the same in that it feels like I just talked to LO last week.
I am not quite sure how to break this pattern.
Although, from it, I get a lot of insight and growth comes because of it. New focus, new direction.
Mine is 3 month intervals too. I feel strong for 8-9 weeks and then it hits me like a ton of bricks. The weight of longing and desire becomes unbearable. I was blaming myself wondering if I'm bipolar and those times craving LO are part of mania perhaps. Another possibility (sounds crazy, I know) is the full moon. I believe right now there is a full moon and I feel beyond crazy... :-s

MrSpock
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Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by MrSpock » Tue May 29, 2018 10:16 pm

Mmmm, today I was out driving and all of the sudden I found myself looking around for LO like crazy when nearby the place I sort of figured she must live. Way more than I used to for these past weeks. At some point I asked myself why, and I realized I just fricking miss her... Damn, I thought the feeling will just fade away linearly! 8-|

I last saw LO on March 22 (no I'm not keeping track :^o ) So today is about a week past the 3 months mark.

But well, then I just need to find that damn clock and reset it back to zero... where did I put that lobotomy handbook? :-?

mamasita
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by mamasita » Tue May 29, 2018 10:22 pm

Resetting my clock again today too MrSpock. :-s And I HATE IT!!
These three month intervals have been hitting me like massive waves since July 2016. I think I am going to discuss with my therapist maybe the need for drugs? Daily or as needed, I have no idea. But I hate the control that limerence has over me. I want to feel better, and BE better.

AMA210
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Location: Midwest
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Wed May 30, 2018 12:17 am

mamasita wrote:
Tue May 29, 2018 9:52 pm
AMA210 wrote:
Sat May 19, 2018 3:44 pm
NC seems to be broken at 3-month intervals. Last time came in at nearly 3.5 months, by LO himself.
This time, 4 days shy of 3 months.
Not sure why this is exactly.
It's like my brain is wired for that interval and it's always the same in that it feels like I just talked to LO last week.
I am not quite sure how to break this pattern.
Although, from it, I get a lot of insight and growth comes because of it. New focus, new direction.
Mine is 3 month intervals too. I feel strong for 8-9 weeks and then it hits me like a ton of bricks. The weight of longing and desire becomes unbearable. I was blaming myself wondering if I'm bipolar and those times craving LO are part of mania perhaps. Another possibility (sounds crazy, I know) is the full moon. I believe right now there is a full moon and I feel beyond crazy... :-s
The full moons carry energy that does affect us. This one is full of fire energy, which I don't need anymore of...being a Leo. :D
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

stormy
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United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by stormy » Sat Jun 09, 2018 3:24 am

Sometimes I think of going no contact, but I think what would be the point. If I moved on from this LO, I would no doubt have another. And the new one would possibly take advantage of me.

AMA210
Posts: 1865
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Sat Jun 09, 2018 1:35 pm

stormy wrote:
Sat Jun 09, 2018 3:24 am
Sometimes I think of going no contact, but I think what would be the point. If I moved on from this LO, I would no doubt have another. And the new one would possibly take advantage of me.
It's your choice to do the inner work (heavy lifting).
If you choose not to, then the likelihood of having another LO is high, IMO.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1865
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Tue Jun 12, 2018 2:03 pm

I'm not sure what to think or speculate about. LO isn't there and then he appears on a random weekday or I pass him on the road. I passed him last week, hanging out near the garage, yapping with someone else. Victory for me, as I chose to not go back. :ymparty:

My initial response to this was feeling abandoned--in the true sense of the word, and adding to its effect, the fact that he didn't tell me anything about it. So either I am not important enough to be told or he didn't want to deal with the aftermath of my questioning. So, yes, I cried, as it stung, BUT, not as badly as the first time around, as in the early days. I was surprised and I realized that old shadow was healed in that process.

I truly feel that I don't "need" him -- to rescue me, make me feel better, etc... And this is huge for me.
I gave him my true self and so much more and received nothing. Unbalanced doesn't work.
Teacher, student, and vice versa.
I let it all go.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

L-F
Posts: 1468
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by L-F » Tue Jun 12, 2018 10:30 pm

AMA you said you gave him your true self. Was this true for DH too? Or did you not know your true self until LO came along?
No one is coming to save you.
This life is 100% your responsibility.

AMA210
Posts: 1865
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:05 pm

LF: DH didn't get my authentic self, as I wasn't aware of just how many masks were worn, and how much codependency ruled my life. LO helped to peel those layers and who I was with him is truly who I am. An example would be the "seize the moment" mindset, which I never had before, as I would just let the opportunity slip away or be too afraid to speak up. Now, DH is getting my authentic self and he wasn't accepting it, but now he is trying to.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1865
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Thu Jun 14, 2018 12:52 pm

The teaching continues....LO didn't quit. He changed his schedule. He isn't there during the day, except for 2 days and the other day, between 6-8pm. This is the third time I saw him past 8pm. There would have been a notice in the church bulletin or monthly newsletter.

I have been seeing him once a week, which is enough to keep the learning going. :D

I have been dealing with feeling left behind and that is still an issue that still needs more work, but it's vastly improved from last year. Yesterday I was sad and I really missed LO. The 7 page letter that I gave DH and that we discussed last weekend has him trying to do everything better to convince me to not leave him. Although, he is trying, he still is by his mom every day, still sleeps on the couch, and still tunes me out with the TV.

So last night, I ran to the grocery store, decided to drive for a bit, passed the school. LO was out there hosing off the carts. Damn. He knew it was me, with my blazing loud stereo. I did another pass and his ass was facing the street. Double damn.

When I got home, I was in a bewildered state.
Back to learning -- in the past, I would have driven by 5+ times. I realized (again) that I have no control over LO, only myself. I thought about pulling in -- so easy, no one else around -- but I didn't. What good would that have done? None. Just made me look like a needy idiot. No thanks. Did that enough. I stand in my power, refusing to hand over my self respect. Choosing for me not to go to him, despite the strong pull.
Also, I am interfering with his process, with his learning. It's like poking a turtle with a stick to get them to move faster. If they're not ready, they aren't gonna move. His journey at his pace. Not me poking him and saying so you get it yet?

LO is an average guy, but will never be only that to me. Amazing to know this and no one would ever guess that just by seeing him.

So I feel a tad better that I haven't been left in the dust.
I feel that LO will be around as long as there are lessons to be learned.
I'm good with it.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

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