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NC -- Thoughts

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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AMA210
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:36 pm

FreeBird wrote:
Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:08 pm
Your hypothesis intrigues me, AMA. You could be onto something...
If you knew that was true, how would that affect your limerence? I realize you cannot ask him, unfortunately. But, if he was incapable of 'getting it' as you had hoped, would that finally kill the Limerbeast? You would finally be free.
It intrigues me also. There are more examples.
If he is truly incapable of getting it, that would definitely kill the beast.
All of the mixed signals and the vagueness--not done on purpose, but just that he is that way.
I seriously doubt he is hard core narc. We both have traits.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

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FreeBird
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by FreeBird » Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:52 pm

I think the more "clinical" you view him, the big L can't get a footing. LO becomes more human, less of a hero, less of an emotional hijack. You can free both of you.

AMA210
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Sat Dec 23, 2017 3:44 am

Yes...this may be the force that pushes that limerent switch off...
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1883
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Sat Dec 23, 2017 4:53 pm

So much more is coming to me today.....freelance photographer for 17 years..I recall asking him for a price quote for a session. The reply I got was 3 paragraphs of details about light conditions, location, price, etc. I was shocked at the amount of information he had provided.
He does not use any social media.
My attempts to get an emotion from him, even talking about my own deceased mother, yielded an "ok"
There was a trash can that he used for towels and I suggested that he put a sign on it indicating that. He said that wouldn't work. The next day, the trash can was completely covered with the words "towels only". I thought that was strange.
Other people would tell me, "he is kind of weird" and I would say "no he isn't"
I think he truly could not remember my name.
He could not understand why I couldn't stay friends with him. I kept telling him, no, we can't, I feel different.
It's possible that he forgot how strongly I felt about him and he just continued to engage me, not realizing his effect on me.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1883
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Sun Dec 31, 2017 2:02 am

The limerence kicked my butt this past week. The pics from Facebook. Lovely photos, looking good LO, with your new haircut and your tight pants. The other pic, looking happy, radiant blue eyes and messy eyebrows. Dammit. Slid back into limerland without even realizing it. His happiness made me happy which made me happier, as in fire under my butt, dancing the day away. Ugh.

Fortunately, my earlier post and its responses shook me awake from the stupor I was in.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1883
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 6:32 pm

This sadness, maybe brought on from the fact that I dreamt of him 3 times this week. That is a lot. This feeling that my life is missing something, that it would be better if he was in it, without all of the drama and the roller coaster....he lit up my life and his absence haunts my days. =((
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1883
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 1:55 am

Trying to look at my responses, not LO.
What could I have done differently?
In the beginning after 3 times, he ignored me when his DW was present and then talked to me when she left. This bothered me and it was a flag I ignored. My intuition said it wasn't right and so on that last time, I should have asked him why he does this. That touching boundary should have been enforced. After he touched my shoulder, I said please don't do that and he did it again and I should have said "don't touch me, I'm married. I should have walked away. Dammit. I stayed. And in my car after the compliments and telling him I was attracted, after he said, we can still be friends, I should have said, no we cannot because we are both married and that never works out and since I have feelings for you, that is too much temptation for me. Please don't talk to me anymore.

Three opportunities wasted. Why?
Because it was a little exciting and I wanted the attention.
Because I never thought it would get to be a problem that could destroy my family.
Because I wasn't used to listening to my intuition.
Now I know better.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1883
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:21 pm

In an effort to try and view LO's somewhat unusual behaviors, I signed up at an Autism forum. In a day, and within 2 posts, I was bullied, accused of being a homewrecker, not psychologically fit to deserve a family, projected onto and generally misunderstood. My original intent to get information was met with extreme judgment.

This experience led me to compare that place to this forum, whose members are more compassionate and willing to be supportive, rather than judgmental. Through this forum, I have learned that if someone chooses to rip you apart, it is better to take what they say, with a grain of salt, and use whatever parts are applicable, and leave the rest. I have also learned that everyone is entitled to express their opinions, even if I disagree with them.

There were several people who stood up against the harshness displayed to me, as a new member. It reminded me of all of the lack of understanding and hate that resides in this world we live in. It also reminded me of the selfishness and assumptions that are made every day about others.
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

AMA210
Posts: 1883
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by AMA210 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:35 pm

Today, I have entered the "angry at myself (and LO stage)". What the hell was I thinking for the last year? I am so stupid. Door mat, idiot, fool, hypnotized by an asshole in tin foil, pretending to be a knight in shining armor. I am throwing out a lot of negativity and chaos into the universe today. Arrghhhhhh #-o
52 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months

"Always moving forward"

mamasita
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Re: NC -- Thoughts

Post by mamasita » Mon Jan 08, 2018 6:11 pm

AMA210 wrote:
Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:35 pm
Today, I have entered the "angry at myself (and LO stage)". What the hell was I thinking for the last year? I am so stupid. Door mat, idiot, fool, hypnotized by an asshole in tin foil, pretending to be a knight in shining armor. I am throwing out a lot of negativity and chaos into the universe today. Arrghhhhhh #-o
This is typically the stage RIGHT before I switch back to yearning, daydreaming,wanting, intense desire. It feels so much better than the YUCK of looking within. Stay where you are, Ama! If I understand correctly, it is right here where you can heal.

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