Absolute NC - Updates

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
AMA210
Posts: 1103
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: Absolute NC - Updates

Post by AMA210 » Fri May 12, 2017 4:56 pm

There has been a deficit in the "sex/intimacy" lately, the best reason being "there is no time, too tired at night and the kid is in the next room". I was handling it well until today. Up until today, my lustful desire for LO has been minimal, swinging between love him one day and hate him the next.

I knew it would be a challenging day when he was present in all if my dreams last night. A few errands this morning and then my need for a hit kicked in. Did manage to see him bent over, pulling weeds, and after a few seconds, the hit registered in my brain and I smiled/grinned, and the next thought of me being in front of him, with him still in that position. :-$
My face grows hot just writing this. :ymblushing:

I came home, with mission accomplished and now I sit here still thinking that he is hot and trying to deal with the intense yearning that I have for him. My hands shake and my body aches.

I am trying to think about all of his negatives and how he treated me like crap. And yet the carnal bullshit remains.

Fuck, at least he isn't wearing the black jacket today.

AMA210
Posts: 1103
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: Absolute NC - Updates

Post by AMA210 » Fri May 19, 2017 7:29 pm

I have not interacted with LO for 6 weeks. I am proud of myself, even though I did 12 weeks last summer. I will beat that record this summer. It seems like a very long time and also a very short time. I have made progress, as I am much better than before.

From the original NC that began on Feb 1, I developed a new habit of driving by the school. That, along with LO being around when I was in the car line, was enough to sustain me, as well as breaking the NC multiple times. I had several really good highs from those encounters. On April 7, actual NC started, but the habit of driving by remained. My hits were reduced to twice a week, sometimes once, and although many of them didn't even produce a high, some did make me feel better.

Today I decided that I can't even do that anymore. School is ending shortly anyway and I am not going to spend my summer days driving past the school, so I decided that I will stop doing this on June 1. The final chapter has one page left to read and then book must close and be put aside.

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