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UPDATE: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

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WishMagick
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Re: UPDATE: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by WishMagick »

Hopeless Lomantic wrote: Fri Feb 21, 2020 5:55 pm Hi there.. is there anything that he has done recently to suggest he might has any interest in you ?

[...]

I have to constantly tell myself that she doesnt give a shit about me to suppress the LE.
Interest? As in, do I think he wants some kind of romantic relationship with me? No. That's a big no. I've never thought that.
Attraction? Yes. Pretty early on after meeting him, I felt very sexually attracted to him and I also felt that it was mutual. Attraction, NOT interest.

I think most people on this forum get confused when I say I think he's attracted to me. Especially women. It seems all the men here know what I am talking about. These two things don't always go together. There can be attraction with no interest.

What's changed is he definitely wants to be my FRIEND. That is clear as day. Whereas before (all my previous posts in this thread), he didn't want any kind of relationship with me whatsoever. I was very hurt. And so confused. I would consider us friends now.

But there are a MILLION signs that point to him being sexually attracted to me (as much as, or almost as much as I am to him) and he just doesn't want to do anything about it because he's a good man. He really is. And he's also very happy with his wife. I would bet a million dollars that if he wasn't happy with his wife, he would pursue a sexual relationship with me. Unless his attraction for me wore off. That does happen.

I get hung up over all the nice and friendly things he does and says to me / does for me. But I don't let myself think that he will ever act on his sexual feelings towards me. It's a struggle.
Last edited by WishMagick on Fri Feb 21, 2020 6:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
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WishMagick
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Re: UPDATE: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by WishMagick »

But I am still uncertain if the sexual attraction is mutual! Hahha! I only feel like it's true when we are together (because I FEEL it, it's so strong!). Yet, I still question it!
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
Hopeless Lomantic
Posts: 237
Joined: Sun Mar 31, 2019 5:48 pm
Somalia

Re: UPDATE: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by Hopeless Lomantic »

Wow that's a tricky one.. and a womens instinct is usually quite accurate so I wont doubt that he is attracted to u..

I can only advise you to just keep this friendship cordial and dont pursue or do anything to cross the line... I.e if you cant do NC ..

It hurts and I know as I have a LO at work.. shes my bestie at work and I am her manager as well. Things can get blurry but I knoe deep down that she is just enjoying the attention with no other personal feelings involved..
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WishMagick
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Re: UPDATE: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by WishMagick »

Hopeless Lomantic wrote: Fri Feb 21, 2020 6:43 pm Wow that's a tricky one.. and a womens instinct is usually quite accurate so I wont doubt that he is attracted to u..

I can only advise you to just keep this friendship cordial and dont pursue or do anything to cross the line... I.e if you cant do NC ..

... but I knoe deep down that she is just enjoying the attention with no other personal feelings involved..
Yeah, NC is not possible because he lives a few feet away from me! Hahah! And our families are all interwoven and connected to each other now. It all happened pretty naturally because my DH and I have a lot in common with them and they are just good people who are kind and we have built a community together.

I have been careful not to cross the line, but, our human sexual instinct is one of the strongest that we posses and I find myself on the line from time to time - it feels like it's out of my control! Also the things that he does when he's around me seem like it's totally subconscious and it would seem that it is out of his control! He's a very respectful young man and he's also religious, so I think he can ultimately control himself. I am having a harder time at keeping things innocent than he is...

And it really seems that he is enjoying the attention I give him as well. I don't blame him. It's human nature. I really enjoy what little attention he gives me too! Haha!
If things can stay as they are now, and I can dial down my obsession, there shouldn't be any problems. But can this be maintained?? I don't know.
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 827
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
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United States of America

Re: UPDATE: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by WishMagick »

Also, thank you for saying this. Almost all of the men on this forum have validated my feelings about this, and I think it really helps. If I could just trust my intuition about it, it might help me to accept reality. The reality is, yeah, there's mutual attraction - and that's it. Nothing more to it. Let it go! lol!
Hopeless Lomantic wrote: Fri Feb 21, 2020 6:43 pm a womens instinct is usually quite accurate so I wont doubt that he is attracted to u..
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
HelpNeeded
Posts: 44
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Great Britain

Re: UPDATE: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by HelpNeeded »

This is interesting about it being what we didn't get from a parent. He reminds me so much of my dad: he's intelligent, creative, hard-working, gentle, quiet but with a sense of fun. He clearly loves his kids very much and maybe as weird as it sounds that's the gap i'm trying to fill: the 'loving, validating dad" gap. Because although my dad is/was all these things he has a very hard time showing me emotional support particularly when i'm feeling at my most vulnerable.
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