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UPDATE: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

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NoDayDreaming

Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by NoDayDreaming »

the way i see it, WishMagic, he can't be your friend because you react too strongly to him. it's like if you have peanut allergy, you know you can't eat them or you die. this man will kill your relationship with your family and maybe you too.
while you are in the mids of limerence fog, you can't think rationally and do the right things. when i was deep in it, i wanted to be a friend with my LO really bad and i would have given a lot for that. now, when i'm done with limerence, i clearly see she's not a friend material, way too self center and manipulating. a victim personality too. now, that i can choose my friends, i stay away from her. lesson learned.

however, it's hard to learn from others. most often, we need to make our own mistakes to painfully learn ourselves.
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WishMagick
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Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by WishMagick »

NoDayDreaming wrote: Tue Dec 31, 2019 3:46 am the way i see it, WishMagic, he can't be your friend because you react too strongly to him. it's like if you have peanut allergy, you know you can't eat them or you die. this man will kill your relationship with your family and maybe you too.
I am not sure what you mean by this...
Can you elaborate?
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
NoDayDreaming

Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by NoDayDreaming »

like you said in your other thread, we need deep friendships in our lives. however, there are some people who trigger us so much (for different reasons), that we romantically fall for them deeply and struggle emotionally and can never have a meaningful, healthy friendship with them.
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WishMagick
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Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by WishMagick »

@NoDayDreaming

Ah, ok. I understand that. That does seem to be the case.
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
peter.rabbit
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Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by peter.rabbit »

Maddie wrote: Mon Dec 30, 2019 10:22 pm I can just see myself and my thoughts in your posts (before my disclosure) and it's so relatable. I felt like I HAD to know if my feelings were returned but I really did not (in hindsight). I expected rejection (or did I?) to end my limerence, but instead he confirmed feeling the same for me and after that IT.WAS.ON.
I would WANT the reciprocation(selfishly), and no doubt it would be ON, perhaps as a PA. Ultimately, that would bring foreseeable consequences that would be better avoided.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein
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Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by Maddie »

peter.rabbit wrote: Wed Jan 01, 2020 5:45 am
I would WANT the reciprocation(selfishly), and no doubt it would be ON, perhaps as a PA. Ultimately, that would bring foreseeable consequences that would be better avoided.
You said it, Peter. And now I struggle with fear, guilt, and I guess you could say rejection from LO. Deep down I expected that it would really be love (if even friend love) maybe. It went from something "romantic " and "special " to regret. I swear...I pray I don't weave my way back into that delusion of specialness! It could happen in an instant with even a hint of contact...
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
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WishMagick
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Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by WishMagick »

Of course, a part of me wants reciprocation. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't.

But, I would feel like the biggest scumbag for acting on my feelings. And he would too, at some point. And he might blame me for everything if I disclosed to him and he returned my feelings.

I would blame me too.

I suppose I won't disclose. Not any time soon, anyway. I'm hoping I can kick this addiction and I will lose the desire to disclose.

And lose my desire for him.
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
Don
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Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by Don »

Personally I have disclosed in all my LE's. That said, knowing what I know about your situation. I don't think it will help much. Based on the way you describe his behavior, I believe he already suspects that you have a crush on him. That would explain his awkward, avoident and seemingly uncomfortable behavior around you.

His behavior as you describe it sounds similar to the behavior of my most recent LO. After I disclosed, she said that she figured as much and that is why she had cut back on her communication with me. She simply had grown uncomfortable with me. She did not want to engage in conversation for fear of leading me on.

I think disclosure helps get things out in the open. For me the rejection helped me move forward. The uncertainty was the fuel for all three of my LE's. But I feel you are in the depths of the fantasy realm currently.

I have some other thoughts on this but I'm out of time. I need to head into work. Good luck, stay strong!
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Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by WishMagick »

Don wrote: Wed Jan 01, 2020 8:54 pm
I think disclosure helps get things out in the open. For me the rejection helped me move forward. The uncertainty was the fuel for all three of my LE's. But I feel you are in the depths of the fantasy realm currently.
I feel like the rejection would help me move forward as well.
And I think you are right about him knowing and that being the reason he's pulled back from me so much.

That realization is so painful and such a good thing all at once! Hahha! Oh boy.
And that makes me want to avoid him as well as he's able to avoid me.

But the truth is always something I like to have, no matter how painful it may be. There are pros and cons to having this out in the open. I am thinking of his wife. They seem close, so if he suspects it, then she probably does too. Which makes being her friend harder. As she won't trust me as far as she can throw me. And should she, really? Probably not.

Maybe I should let them both go.
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
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Re: If uncertainty is the fuel for limerence, should I disclose???

Post by Pattihopeful »

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Last edited by Pattihopeful on Thu Jan 02, 2020 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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