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What is up with the strong compulsion to disclose?
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What is up with the strong compulsion to disclose?
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Last edited by Pattihopeful on Fri Jun 26, 2020 5:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: What is up with the strong compulsion to disclose?
I know for me the desire to disclose is because it creates an incredible intimacy. I bare my soul completely, and the desire is that my LO in turn would do the same. Sometimes in my fantasies my LO rejects me, and even in those ones my brave confession leads to deep discussions on love, life and everything the soul is filled with.
Of course, that is my fantasy. The reality would probably go something like this:
Me: LO, I, like, really like you, and stuff, because you are super cool and... uh... you know. I mean, like, I REALLY like you. Would bang you like a pinata.
LO: That's... nice. Thank you?
Of course, that is my fantasy. The reality would probably go something like this:
Me: LO, I, like, really like you, and stuff, because you are super cool and... uh... you know. I mean, like, I REALLY like you. Would bang you like a pinata.
LO: That's... nice. Thank you?
I'm not here to be a creep,
I'm just feeling complete.
Take me home.
I'm just feeling complete.
Take me home.
Re: What is up with the strong compulsion to disclose?
Posting on here is a good start. It will save you from disclosing. Although some will say it helps, some will say don't do it. I guess it depends on who you are disclosing to?
The fog will lift in time.
The fog will lift in time.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: What is up with the strong compulsion to disclose?
I must remember this for a pick-up line!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: What is up with the strong compulsion to disclose?
Disclosure was so intense for me because I hoped for reciprocation. At the time I thought I was getting it OUT to diffuse the desire but it worked quite the opposite. It ramped up the obsession to levels I couldn't even imagine. I joined this board about 6 months later, having gone crazy with wildly doubling down, basically begging for reciprocation. It's embarrassing now, wish I hadn't told him a thing. He never earned access to my soul like that to begin with...
Re: What is up with the strong compulsion to disclose?
When I felt the strongest need to disclose, it was never with the desire for reciprocation. I mean, at first I thought that would be amazing but when I let myself play out the fantasy past disclosure, it made me see that reciprocation would have made everything worse. We are both attached to others and have our own kids, and based on how I know him, any kind of relationship would be virtually impossible. So really, I wanted to disclose just to “get it off my chest” I think. I felt getting it out there would help me to start to get over it. But again, because of how we know each other, I never did. I’m happy I didn’t, although the odd time I do still think of disclosing in the future. Not sure why. But it isn’t this overwhelming need like it used to be. As my LE has improved, that desire has diminished.
F 39
LO is M 37, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control
LE began in the fall of 2015
LO is M 37, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control
LE began in the fall of 2015
Re: What is up with the strong compulsion to disclose?
Sorry to hear that mamasita.
I'm sitting in the middle of Pudding and Manasita.
I disclosed because I felt she could help me to stop the madness and make sense of the situation, especially when she mentioned she had been in my shoes. At the same time I really really really wanted a fling with her. My limberbrain even went so far as imagining us running off into the sunset together.
Madness! Utter madness! To even contemplate marriage with a complete stranger (lets face it, who in their right mind proposes to someone they barely know?). She could be a Coro watcher for all I know.
On top of this I knew the stats for this kind of thing working out long term. But oh no! If someone said "you can have a week with her to enjoy but in return you have to give up your life"... I'd take the week with her!
Utter freaking madness. So too is disclosing because here is the reality of it:
1. You get rejected big time
2. If creates an even more confusing situation whereby you have an affair and then things turn to crap... and they will!
If anyone wants their LOs commitment if contemplating an affair whereby you hope to capture them. Tell, don't ask, tell them you want to get married and have their baby. Then start talking about the finer details of who you would invite to the wedding.
That will give you the perfect answer to inform you of whether they are wanting YOU vs your body.
I'm sitting in the middle of Pudding and Manasita.
I disclosed because I felt she could help me to stop the madness and make sense of the situation, especially when she mentioned she had been in my shoes. At the same time I really really really wanted a fling with her. My limberbrain even went so far as imagining us running off into the sunset together.
Madness! Utter madness! To even contemplate marriage with a complete stranger (lets face it, who in their right mind proposes to someone they barely know?). She could be a Coro watcher for all I know.
On top of this I knew the stats for this kind of thing working out long term. But oh no! If someone said "you can have a week with her to enjoy but in return you have to give up your life"... I'd take the week with her!
Utter freaking madness. So too is disclosing because here is the reality of it:
1. You get rejected big time
2. If creates an even more confusing situation whereby you have an affair and then things turn to crap... and they will!
If anyone wants their LOs commitment if contemplating an affair whereby you hope to capture them. Tell, don't ask, tell them you want to get married and have their baby. Then start talking about the finer details of who you would invite to the wedding.
That will give you the perfect answer to inform you of whether they are wanting YOU vs your body.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: What is up with the strong compulsion to disclose?
OMG, I am rolling laughing
For me the desire to disclose was very intense, and I did. I am now seeing that it ended up moving in the direction of what L-F mentioned in #2. For me, it all circles back to being "an impossible relationship." And I did not necessarily gain anything (like limerence told me I would), other than self-awareness--and I could've lost a lot. Looking back, I don't think I could have done it any differently, but WOULD do it differently in the future. I sure hope.
I'm pretty sure you can do the work to determine what your needs are or what you are grieving and maybe never have to disclose to the LO. The "limberbeast" would hate this idea! I'm trying to adult and work on this very thing right now.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
F. Scott Fitzgerald
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