Almost complete disclosure

Does disclosure to our Limerent/Love Object help?
limeanon
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2017 3:47 am

Re: Almost complete disclosure

Post by limeanon » Mon Aug 28, 2017 4:39 pm

Hey, Radey. I actually have an apology written up, but I'm just not sure I need to send it. The way my LO responded was exactly how I expected. Even though she liked the compliments when she was feeling insecure, she first and foremost cares about our work.

My impression is that she will not fish for any compliments any more out if respect to me and our working relationship. She said that she just needs to watch what she says more because she "had no idea". The truth is that deep down I knew there were many things that weren't compatible between me and LO, but I chose to ignore them. I also knew deep down that our relationship is expendable to both of us. Maybe most relationships are.

If when we get back to work tomorrow and start feeling out how this post-disclosure relationship could work, I will want to decide if a formal apology is in order. She hates drama and has no patience, so my impression is that either she wants to move on together professionally or go the LC/NC route that I proposed. She will make a binary decision, so any additional noise that an apology will add might not help.

I've already come to grips very fast that she does not want me. I'm telling myself that as much as possible. It's funny how many things I was doing to make myself more presentable and it wasn't even having an effect. I've enjoyed trying to be healthy for me, and just knowing that I'm not having to put myself constantly on display has been a relief.

Radey
Posts: 137
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:10 am

Re: Almost complete disclosure

Post by Radey » Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:47 pm

Hey Limeanon

She sounds like a really nice person who is also understanding. It is good that you both discussed how to manage your working relationship going forward. It seems to me that you may not need the apology. She may not be a narc but just a normal lady looking for a bit of validation and flirting. It sounds like she may even help you to manage your LE which is very good. I think you should count yourself lucky and just stay away from her as much as possible. i am sure that everything will work out well now it is in the open. My own LO is certainly a narc who couldn't be bothered to respond/reject after disclosure and had no empathy for me at all. I just had to apologise to obtain closure as I know I will see him again through work. Good luck.

Radey
Posts: 137
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:10 am

Re: Almost complete disclosure

Post by Radey » Mon Aug 28, 2017 9:00 pm

Oh yes Limeanon. I felt relief too! You can't imagine how many nice clothes I now have. I also lost a bit of weight too! I keep getting compliments for my looks now even more than I did when I was 20 years younger as I invested all my youth, time and money on the family! I have even picked up a few hobbies and I feel sexier than I ever felt before in my life. Limerence can have a silver lining too!
Take care and enjoy life!

Radey
Posts: 137
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:10 am

Re: Almost complete disclosure

Post by Radey » Mon Aug 28, 2017 9:05 pm

Oh yes Limeanon. I felt relief too! You can't imagine how many nice clothes I now have. I also lost a bit of weight too! I keep getting compliments for my looks now even more than I did when I was 20 years younger as I invested all my youth, time and money on the family! I have even picked up a few hobbies and I feel sexier than I ever felt before in my life. Limerence can have a silver lining too!
Take care and enjoy life!

limeanon
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2017 3:47 am

Re: Almost complete disclosure

Post by limeanon » Tue Aug 29, 2017 12:27 am

Haha. Thanks! Definitely a silver lining. I've never had so many compliments about how I look either. If my LE comes to a close, I hope I can keep it up. My SO is doing a great job herself trying to get in shape after having 3 kids, and she is looking better and better every day.

I think it's sound advice to keep away from LO as much as possible. I think our LC relationship at work will be the best for me . I do worry that we'll fall back into our old friendship fast, but I know she will have some walls set up now so private lunches and a lot of alone time outside of work probably won't happen which was probably what I felt most uncomfortable with..

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