too obvious to disclose

Does disclosure to our Limerent/Love Object help?
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townshend
Posts: 395
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am

too obvious to disclose

Post by townshend » Sun Jul 16, 2017 1:11 am

Today Im feeling like despite any desire to disclose, I don't have to because I'm sure it's obvious. I don't ever want to tell him the extent of this, I'd always planned on keeping it simple and vague, lying to save face on something I'd never need to confess to in the first place. Just as everything in LE I've yo-yo'ed between what I think he thinks... sometimes it feels so obvious he'd be stupid not to know, other times from the way I act ignoring him and trying to mask everything and all, I think probably not.

Now I'm thinking yeah, he knows. Who wouldn't. He couldn't know the extent really, maybe he knew and months and months down the road figured I was a semi normal person and got past it. Regardless. I've disclosed with every sorry excuse (sometimes excessive) to see or talk to him, everytime I'd flush red or talked to him or didn't or laughed at everyyyyyy joke. literally everything points to I like you..a lot!!

How couldn't he.

x_x

:-??
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

french girl
Posts: 79
Joined: Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:48 pm

Re: too obvious to disclose

Post by french girl » Tue Jul 18, 2017 2:57 pm

I was in the same situation : I did my best to hide the limerence, but at the same time, I jumped on every occasion to see LO, talk to him...
So my LO has been aware for at least a year that I have a crush on him.
But as it's been more than three years that I'm limerent over LO, I think he was aware long before that... I can't be sure and I never asked... Anyway, people can't realize how serious your condition is, unless you do really silly things, like mild stalking...
They may know you have a crush, but they don't realize it's deep limerence if you keep it professional.
(I'm not sure I kept it professional, sadly :-q )
I think several coworkers (everyone ?) are aware I have a crush on LO as well... x_x

Concerning your LO in particular, I was just wondering : as you're a lot younger than him, maybe he doesn't realize you have a crush on him.
But anyway, older men generally doesn't seem to doubt much that they're able to attract young women... :ymcowboy:
And it doesn't mean you should help him to realize what you feel about him (the choice is yours, anyway).
In my case, I didn't disclose, I've been given away involuntarily by my own silly behaviour... :D
« Love is giving something you don't have to someone who doesn't want it. » Jacques Lacan

Heart_Open
Posts: 681
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:52 pm

Re: too obvious to disclose

Post by Heart_Open » Tue Jul 18, 2017 4:26 pm

I remember at work one evening we shared our usual laugh joke and flirtatious banter and I texted my friend 'boys are so stupid sometimes' (no offence guys on here!). This was referring to how the hell could he not know? By this time I was wearing my heart and adoration for him on my face in neon facepaint. How could he not know??
Dunno. Maybe he did but was too polite to tell me to sod off.

JellyBean
Posts: 1644
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am

Re: too obvious to disclose

Post by JellyBean » Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:47 pm

There is a good thread on disclosure - whether it's good to or not.

I believe we give our little secret away anyway. Just think of all the nonverbal clues that are picked up - like the ones we limerents pick up on. But who's going to be brave enough to question it? Besides there is always denial regardless of being caught in a mutual attraction.

Some limerents think that attraction equates to action. It doesn't. There is nothing wrong with LO being attracted to the LS, because they don't need to act on it. Non-limerent people can find themselves attracted to others and think nothing of it. I would call that healthy attraction.

I was giggling at french girls post because I could have written it. Been there, got the t-shirt :D Lordy knows I've made a complete fool of myself many times... but hey, I got over it and now my t-shirt says 'limerent survivor... slayer of all things embarrassing'
Just call me LF, short for Limerent Friend.

townshend
Posts: 395
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am

Re: too obvious to disclose

Post by townshend » Fri Jul 21, 2017 7:43 pm

FG, I've taken that into account the countless times I've spent contemplating this and that's one of the reasons I'd think he'd doubt it and one of the glaring reasons it'd be stupid for him to ever try to find out. But as for older men not doubting their ability to attract younger women, I don't think he's particularly like that though (or maybe I'm just idealizing him again). Part of the attraction is that he's not a creep. He's widely liked, has a friendly relationship with every one and seems not to expect that it's any thing more. He likes to make people laugh and to keep his distance, etc. But between us, the way I act and the consistency have seemed to make it obvious and the way he reacted seemed simiarliarly obvious that he suspected (aside from my indecisive neuroticism) ..bottom line it seems he must at least suspect, with the reasonable what would she want with me type doubts. :-\
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

Heart_Open
Posts: 681
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:52 pm

Re: too obvious to disclose

Post by Heart_Open » Sat Jul 22, 2017 8:57 am

L-F wrote:
Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:47 pm

I believe we give our little secret away anyway. Just think of all the nonverbal clues that are picked up - like the ones we limerents pick up on. But who's going to be brave enough to question it? Besides there is always denial regardless of being caught in a mutual attraction.

Some limerents think that attraction equates to action. It doesn't. There is nothing wrong with LO being attracted to the LS, because they don't need to act on it. Non-limerent people can find themselves attracted to others and think nothing of it. I would call that healthy attraction.
Interesting re the non verbal clues, especially the ones us limerents picked up on. My LE started when I was picking up behaviour from him. He was so shy around me, trembling fingers, always finding ways to make me laugh or stay in the conversation. Of course I dont mean he was limerent, perhaps attracted but not wanting to act on it - one of the things I respected him for definitely. Stick a male and a female of the same age in close working quarters, leave them to talk and laugh and playfully flirt for hours on end... inevitable attraction? Just my tendency to fall so deeply head over heels got in the way of 'healthy attraction'.

Heart_Open
Posts: 681
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:52 pm

Re: too obvious to disclose

Post by Heart_Open » Sat Jul 22, 2017 9:02 am

How old are you and how old is he if you dont mind me asking? One of the keys things with my LE when I worked with LO was that over time I got the the point I was no longer embarassed...one day I slid backwards on a wet floor - he caught me ;) first time he touched me lol (would always avoid contact). He remarked ahh you are probably embarassed now haha and I replied no...dont get embarassed about anything, surprising myself!


townshend wrote:
Sun Jul 16, 2017 1:11 am
Today Im feeling like despite any desire to disclose, I don't have to because I'm sure it's obvious. I don't ever want to tell him the extent of this, I'd always planned on keeping it simple and vague, lying to save face on something I'd never need to confess to in the first place. Just as everything in LE I've yo-yo'ed between what I think he thinks... sometimes it feels so obvious he'd be stupid not to know, other times from the way I act ignoring him and trying to mask everything and all, I think probably not.

Now I'm thinking yeah, he knows. Who wouldn't. He couldn't know the extent really, maybe he knew and months and months down the road figured I was a semi normal person and got past it. Regardless. I've disclosed with every sorry excuse (sometimes excessive) to see or talk to him, everytime I'd flush red or talked to him or didn't or laughed at everyyyyyy joke. literally everything points to I like you..a lot!!

How couldn't he.

x_x

:-??

townshend
Posts: 395
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am

Re: too obvious to disclose

Post by townshend » Sat Jul 22, 2017 10:50 pm

I'm 22. He'll be 59 in a couple months.

It's weird..I'm weird lol sometimes like you described I'm past that point of worrying what he or others will think and other times it's Almost like in the beginning and I get too flustered and go into hyper can't take it mode.
Last edited by townshend on Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

pieganjane
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 1:38 am

Re: too obvious to disclose

Post by pieganjane » Sun Jul 23, 2017 12:28 am

shit I am 70 and my LO is 39. I go crazy if I get too hung up on this issue of age because there is nothing I can do about it!!. Yes the disclosure thing is a real problem. The way my mind works is that maybe he doesn't know and wouldn't it a pity if this was the case and all it took was for me to say something. When I did say something the reaction was tepid and I could have kicked myself for having "let on". To recap my story I am a reporter and the LO is a guy I was writing an article on. The limerence happened immediately. This was 6 months ago and I saw him 3 weeks ago (we live far apart) and it was even crazier. Because the article is finished I sent him an email thanking him for the interview etc and saying I was now "signing off". His immediate reply was "Hell no". So today I had to send him another final rewrite of the article and he wrote a nice email back. I then replied " So I am NOT signing off..OK?" Haven't heard back yet, I am freaking out and so worried that he might not want to continue our "friendship" that I might as well be wearing a T shirt that says "DESPERATE" on it. On the other hand I have in my life done the stupid thing of assuming that people knew what I was thinking, which is often not the case, and I sometimes think taking a risk might not be so awful (unless it backfires) in which case it is an embarrassing disaster.

townshend
Posts: 395
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am

Re: too obvious to disclose

Post by townshend » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:54 am

I don't really care about age, I get it though obviously. (I have a friend who happens to be a year older than me and just got engaged to her like 57-9ish y/o boy(man) friend. Which is the irony to end all ironies.)
It's 36y7m difference to be exact. And it gets better his kids are older than me by a couple years and his step kid is..much older. He once said he'd been doing something at work for 39years and after a minute goes "I've probably been doing it longer than you've been alive" which seemed like the first time he had his oh shit moment, that was okay but I didn't really say anything back and another time he'd said something gets worse the older you get but he made it like super awkward (which he usually never is, I'm always the awkward one) even though I'm just thinking how it didn't need to be awkward because I don't care. The thing that holds me back is the fact he's married (though I'm sure that fear of intimacy helped me latch on, who knows if I'd have ever said something outright if he weren't).

As for the embarrassing disaster I know I wouldn't be able to take that rejection and that's why I think I need it because nothing else has worked and I'm very high on the shame and embarrassment scale lol so I feel like it'll be a hell of a splash of cold water....but really I'd be kidding myself if I think I could take it.
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

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