A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Does disclosure to our Limerent/Love Object help?
AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by AMA210 » Sun Dec 18, 2016 4:46 am

IMO, life is too short not to disclose to LO.
If I have feelings for someone, the desire to tell them about it is stronger than if they reciprocate or not. That in itself isn't important.
It's part of our human condition. We like to be told that we are lovable and that others besides our SO's see qualities that cause these responses.
I absolutely do not regret disclosing to my LO. It happened twice actually. The first time was because I wanted to know what his position was on our friendship and because the feelings I had were scary to me. The second time, via the letter, were more of an actual disclosure, which I am sure really didn't surprise him, given I had said things before that indicated I felt more than friendship. Although he probably was surprised at the depth of it.

Ramblings from me at this late hour.....
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

Pudding
Posts: 500
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am

Re: A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by Pudding » Sun Dec 18, 2016 5:13 am

I don't disagree with it, and in your case, I would have disclosed also. There was a lot going on there and it seemed very plausible that there was reciprocation, even if neither of you was willing to act on it.

If the time comes for my LO to move on from our school and I am still limerent about him (please God don't let that be the case if he is still here for years to come!), I will have to say something. I know myself, and I couldn't let him walk out of my life forever without getting it out. I wouldn't be hoping for reciprocation: I sennibeason to think there is any and would almost rather there not be, as I'm married. I just feel like I would need it for closure or something.

If it weren't completely unprofessional/inappropriate I would disclose sooner but that would be so so wrong.
F 37
LO is M 34, my son’s teacher

AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by AMA210 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:10 pm

Have I changed my mind on disclosing to LO? No it is the same, 4 months later.
Should not have done multiple ones though. Should have stopped at the love one.

Now, I think on some level, and I dont know which level, child maybe, or what type of love....but I feel that I still love him....despite everything. For some reason, and maybe because of our similar childhood experiences (that I am presuming) that he needed to hear that from me. Again I don't know why. I feel he needs that in his life, to know that someone else out there cares about him.

It will be interesting to see if that changes with time, or not.
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

marko
Posts: 1027
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm

Re: A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by marko » Wed Apr 19, 2017 11:38 pm

Had another long chat, she needs new work, non flirty but the way she stared at me while i was reinforcing her good qualities, I swear I was a goner. That idea we have not one possible future and the rejection of disclosure kept me on track. Vicariously i'd love to, but she'd have to be thick as a brick to not see trhough my brave face :x

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 343
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am

Re: A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by FreeBird » Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:23 am

Six months from your last posts, is the feeling the same about disclosure? Do you feel differently?

I totally can see how freeing it would be to disclose, but not wise in my case at this time. Did I miss my opportunity 25 years ago to disclose when we were both single? Would he have still seen me as "little FreeBird", someone's kid sister, back then?

When I ponder these questions, I also realize I would be erasing DH from my equation, from my life. That is too cruel to consider...
"The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."-Blaise Pascal
Me/LS: middle-aged, married woman
LO: middle-aged, married man with children
LE: L developed around age 12. LO was good friend of my FOO, now deceased.

AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by AMA210 » Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:47 am

FreeBird wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:23 am
Six months from your last posts, is the feeling the same about disclosure? Do you feel differently?

I totally can see how freeing it would be to disclose, but not wise in my case at this time. Did I miss my opportunity 25 years ago to disclose when we were both single? Would he have still seen me as "little FreeBird", someone's kid sister, back then?

When I ponder these questions, I also realize I would be erasing DH from my equation, from my life. That is too cruel to consider...
Thank you for asking....
I feel the same about disclosure and I feel the same, albeit, about LO. Now, with not speaking with him for 3 months, I still feel if we did talk again, it would just be from where we left off. Time doesn't change it for me. I am still infatuated, coming out of the limerence slowly, but what remains is the fact that I care deeply for him. It's this depth that confuses me. I have never felt this intensity for so long for anyone, not even DH. This was the first "friendship" I had that didn't begin with the physical. I asked LO about this, if he had this happen before and he said "no, but it's because it's someone new and then the same problems come up and if you stop arguing, then you gave up in making it work." That confuses me also.

Now with DH, it was physical right from the start and that is what kept it going. We dated for 6 1/2 years, which is a long time, broke up three times, and I went to IC the first year of marriage because he thought I was his mom. He didn't transition from mom to living alone, only mom to me.

DH is very technical and LO is not. LO reflects me better, as I am creative and like nature. So the theory about like attracts like wouldnt apply to DH and I.
Perhaps this is why the feelings persist with LO and not for DH. Sometimes, I feel that along the way of LE, I have literally fallen out of love with DH. I thought it possible to love two at the same time, but now today, no.
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 343
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am

Re: A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by FreeBird » Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:26 am

AMA210 wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:47 am
It's this depth that confuses me. I have never felt this intensity for so long for anyone, not even DH. This was the first "friendship" I had that didn't begin with the physical. I asked LO about this, if he had this happen before and he said "no, but it's because it's someone new and then the same problems come up and if you stop arguing, then you gave up in making it work." That confuses me also.

That is a confusing statement. Was he referring to his relationship with his wife? Maybe your questions are forcing him to look deep within?
"The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."-Blaise Pascal
Me/LS: middle-aged, married woman
LO: middle-aged, married man with children
LE: L developed around age 12. LO was good friend of my FOO, now deceased.

AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by AMA210 » Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:34 am

Yes, with his wife. I have seen them argue several times. LO offered to talk to my DH about turning off the tv and listening to me. Hmm, umm, no, that's ok dude, don't need to do that. :-s
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 343
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am

Re: A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by FreeBird » Wed Oct 11, 2017 3:49 am

AMA210 wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:34 am
Yes, with his wife. I have seen them argue several times. LO offered to talk to my DH about turning off the tv and listening to me. Hmm, umm, no, that's ok dude, don't need to do that. :-s
Aack! Interesting he would volunteer to do that :-o

Hmm :-? Just having a stream of consciousness moment...Not that it would be at all smart or advisable for LO to do that, but I think it would awaken something in your DH....something primal...he would feel challenged...his manhood threatened by another male...he'd have to take a stand (verbal only, of course).
"The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."-Blaise Pascal
Me/LS: middle-aged, married woman
LO: middle-aged, married man with children
LE: L developed around age 12. LO was good friend of my FOO, now deceased.

AMA210
Posts: 1555
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: A Diffwrent View on Disclosure to LO

Post by AMA210 » Wed Oct 11, 2017 6:43 pm

Yes, that wouldn't have turned out well, especially with me staring at LO with puppy eyes. Someone would have left with a black eye and most likely not DH or me. I am too defensive about LO. More than once, DH has wanted to hurt him and I would say, you can't hurt him, leave him alone. #-o
52 years old, married for 26 years
LO is 53 years old, married for 7 years
LE is 20 months

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest