I WANT RECOVERY FOR 2021

[mycorona]

Hi. I am hoping to reduce my posting on this site in 2021 as I am really working on myself to find some peace from limerence. I hope to regain some sanity. I was with LO this morning and though we had found a little closeness when I asked him if things were ok between the two of us before Christmas, I find disappointingly, there is no deepening of our connection. He doesn't seem to need to further anything with me, you know, by finding things in common, even accepting a coffee from me, or a bar of something if we're eating. He never connects with me like that whereas if he even points to somewhere for me to sit, I take it immediately and make sure to thank him. I have to accept he wants no deepening of our connection. (I'm not sure if I'm explaining things correctly). Initially, when i spoke to him about us, asked if he was angry with me, etc. - because I know he was when I went LC, there was a little intimacy between us after, we would look at each other acknowledging we had had a little private closeness but now I can feel we're back to just friendship in a group. I used to hope he was hiding his feelings but he's too good at it so I have to accept that he's not hiding anything - he doesn't want to take this further. I'm now going to really try to change myself, lower and finally extinguish all my expectations of any relationship connection with him. And I think I will have to stop coming here - if i can, as it may be helping to keep feelings alive for me by constantly posting and reading about my love for LO.

Thinking of you itry, Spadge, Nowords, IvB, Idiotic, Cookie, L-F, Maddie, marko, AMA, mamasita and all those of you who don't post much any more, hopefully because you are moving on.

Take care of yourselves, all of you. I will be back I'm sure but I am going to try to stay away for a while anyway and see if I can heal a bit.

Before I go, I will post a lovely piece of writing I found below this, particularly for Nowords - I know you love these pieces.

[mycorona]

Here's the piece....

Grief is an electric shock that tells us we are fully alive. It means we are connecting and caring. We're participating.  We're making the most of this short go. We're opening up and taking risks, we're tangling ourselves in other lives.  Next time you feel one of those cracks of heartbreak,  think of it as a strange sort of privilege.  The magnitude of your loss reflects the magnitude of your love. You will not feel like this forever and what will be left is awe that you could love someone so much. You're experiencing something that will soften and harden you,  give you strength and allow you to be weak.
You loved someone and it changed you.  Aren't we the lucky ones.

Take care of yourselves everyone. You have almost become my family and I feel we are sailing this stormy sea together.......
......Courage......

[IvB]

Thank you, mycorona, I think about this experience exactly the same way.
And your approach I think is correct, once you realise there is no hope, you can start concentrating on yourself and recovery. May 2021 be the year when we find peace and self love.

[itry]

...

[Spadge100]

Hi all

@mycorona I wish you all the best for 2021. It will get easier for all of us. I’m now 3 months NC and though each day my thoughts drift I do feel a glimmer (not that glimmer! ) at the end of the tunnel.

Limerence is a cruel and debilitating condition that seems to affect the most caring of individuals the most. But ultimately I truly believe we can all be stronger as a result of it.

Happy New Year all

[mycorona]

@itry
you said..."whatever "signals" or "connection" I felt between us were only a result of some sort of childish crush he had on me, which is probably over now!..."

Absolutely! Couldn't agree more with you. We must keep that uppermost in our thoughts. None of it was true! I often think us limerents are caught out by those types. Some men (not most of them) do not know how to react if they feel an attraction to a woman. It's like they think - oh boobs! I need to smirk and stare at them! And I'll act all stupid and grin at her. We were used to it when we were teenagers - but we've forgotten that that's what it is, teenage behaviour - but from grown up men!
What the hell, they need to grow up properly in their heads. We get caught up in the famous 'glimmer'. We are in it before we realise it. You certainly hit the nail on the head for me with that remark in regard to my LO.

You said..."He has occassion after occassion... opportunity after opportunity, to show interest but he doesn't and keeps expecting me to show my hand and confess my love!..."

Same here too - except he is afraid I might show my hand (I did it once before) - avoidant!! But like you, I've waited and waited and waited. - For nothing!

Yes itry. That is the key, no expectations! (NC is better but if you can't do that, then "no expectations") It may take some doing but I am going to give it everything I've got.

The best to both of us with this.
@Spadge
I'm so happy for you Spadge. You are doing well. Onward and upward in 2021.
You say..."Limerence is a cruel and debilitating condition that seems to affect the most caring of individuals the most...!
So true. You only have to read the posts on this site to see the empathy, kindness, and love we are so willing to offer to our LOs. They don't know what they're missing - literally.
Keep on keeping on everyone.