LOs and their relationships

[itry]

...

[Cookie]

A new side of my limerence has recently struck me!

I am obsessing about LOs relationships. Ashamed to say, I am stalking some of his exes on internet.
Found out some information about his past which is slightly worrying too
He is basically an idiot, but none of it is helping me feel any less limerent!

I am also noticing a pattern there in the list of his exes. All his previous girl friends and partners etc. seem like a complete mess poor things!
He goes out with women who are in some way doing "less" than him professionally (sorry for this kind of language, I don't think less of any profession, but it's just a remark for the sake of observation). These women basically don't have their life together very much, they seem to be struggling a lot. However, in terms of 'looks' they are above average, based on what qualifies commonly in our society as high standards of beauty.
LO can easily go out with women who are more, for the lack of a better word, established. But he doesn't. I wonder why?

I think I am opposite of the kind of women he goes out with. I am average looking but doing ok in career (so far... not sure what will happen if the limerence keeps going on the way it is going and distracting me from my work all the time!)

Just wondering, what it says about me, and more importantly, once again why do I care about this?!

Do you feel curious about the kind of people your LO is in relationship(s) with and what's going on in their relationship?

Hi, itry!

For many years, I obsessed over this kind of thing. In LO's case, he always hit on women who were ABOVE him in "rank," so to speak. He has no degree and has never held a job. I repeat, never. held. a. job. Not one, not ever. All the gals he seeks (and there are many) are smart, educated, and gainfully employed. This made him feel better about himself.

As for the reason why your LO dates women who are "beneath" him in some way, I think the answer is simple: He can always be the superior one in the equation. This makes him feel better about himself.

But you have targeted the real question and the only one that matters: Why do I care about this? You don't. I swear, you really don't. It is an impossible beauty contest that just leaves you staring in the mirror going, "Am I the best and most beautiful?"

You are the best and most beautiful you. You are good enough. Better than to worry about what a user/loser thinks about you, better than to spend time on this nonsense. Onward and upward! And I can't emphasize enough how destructive social media is in these things. Ugh. Log off and breathe.

[mycorona]

@itry
...."He is basically an idiot..."

Of course he is! They all are. That's one of the reasons we love them. It's a part of wanting to mind them, understand them, help them. If they were "normal" in any way, I bet we wouldn't even notice them. lol.

Cookie is right, we have to work to the end where we don't care about this.

[John]

Itry, I have read that it is very common for both men and women who are interested in an affair to choose someone "below" themselves in social status, looks, or personality so that they will have some kind of power over that person. That could be what your LO is doing. It's just another red flag to be aware of.

[JupiterTaco]

Itry, I have read that it is very common for both men and women who are interested in an affair to choose someone "below" themselves in social status, looks, or personality so that they will have some kind of power over that person. That could be what your LO is doing. It's just another red flag to be aware of.

I'm always worried people are interested in me because they think they can't do better...

[IvB]

Agree with John, LO wants to use the fact that you don't have enough self confidence.