Wife in affair and wants divorce

[Nhraracer90]

Wow I guess the grass wasn’t greener like he thought.
How long ago did you get divorced?

It definitely wasn't, in my view. And sorry for getting a bit rambly there on your thread. Underlying all of that was some deep pain for me, even amidst the sometimes humor of the situation, and always outright ridiculousness. I want to make sure to really drive home to you - self-care. You didn't cause this, you can't cure it, and you don't deserve it, yet it sits down at the table with you and can really do a number on your head. Do whatever you need to do to maintain your own identity and positive mental health throughout this.

The actual legal split was 2013, but settlement negotiation continued on (lawyers truly are the big winners) for years. Last spoke 2018. He identity thieved me to the tune of $2 in 2019. Life went on and I date and all of that in between (which is more the root of why I found this forum). Healing hasn't been in one fell swoop, but more like layers of an onion peeling away. I actually suspect from other people I know who have been in similar situations, that even if we'd reconciled, that would be the same.

Wow the settlement took a few years? I hope mine will be done here very soon. We are young with limited assets so shouldn’t be too big of a deal.

[Lola]

Wow the settlement took a few years? I hope mine will be done here very soon. We are young with limited assets so shouldn’t be too big of a deal.

Good. Keep that mindset with it, that the "business" side of the marriage is separate from any of the emotions or goals for reconciliation, honestly. That was advice I was given, but just really in my heart didn't want to follow. I took every stall as a sign that he was getting his head straight and reconsidering. But if they're serious about it, you have to trust that you'll really know, and there will be concrete evidence that they're checked back in and willing to do the work to restore what was lost. Definitely will be holding a good thought for you that no matter how it all turns out, you'll be in a good place.

[Nhraracer90]

Wow the settlement took a few years? I hope mine will be done here very soon. We are young with limited assets so shouldn’t be too big of a deal.

Good. Keep that mindset with it, that the "business" side of the marriage is separate from any of the emotions or goals for reconciliation, honestly. That was advice I was given, but just really in my heart didn't want to follow. I took every stall as a sign that he was getting his head straight and reconsidering. But if they're serious about it, you have to trust that you'll really know, and there will be concrete evidence that they're checked back in and willing to do the work to restore what was lost. Definitely will be holding a good thought for you that no matter how it all turns out, you'll be in a good place.

Oh definitely it’s business now. Hopefully she wants it to be done quick soon as well so she can run off with her “new found love”. It’s only been about 2 months since she moved out.

[Nhraracer90]

Divorce was finalized today. She just wanted some extra money but no spousal support, no retirements broken up and I kept the house. Financially it was good for me. When we were walking out to our cars she turned and waited on me and then said “you know if you need me just let me know” then gave me a hug and kiss (partially on the lips). That was it for today

[Lola]

Big hugs. It takes a little time to process through you, so be kind to yourself when emotions come up.

[Nhraracer90]

Big hugs. It takes a little time to process through you, so be kind to yourself when emotions come up.

Yeah it was definitely a weird feeling for sure

[JupiterTaco]

When we were walking out to our cars she turned and waited on me and then said “you know if you need me just let me know” then gave me a hug and kiss (partially on the lips).

Wow... Glad you came out financially though.

[Nhraracer90]

When we were walking out to our cars she turned and waited on me and then said “you know if you need me just let me know” then gave me a hug and kiss (partially on the lips).

Wow... Glad you came out financially though.

Yeah I did good financially

[Nhraracer90]

Still just crazy how it came to this so fast. 11 years over in 2.5 months for someone you met a few months ago