guilt over NC with LO who is my best friend

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Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2020 12:49 pm
Great Britain

guilt over NC with LO who is my best friend

Post by beaner »

My LO is my same sex best friend.

My limerence has been causing me so much pain recently that I have feared for my mental health; crying every day, physical pain, unable to sleep, struggling to connect with family and other friends. The obsessive feelings intensified as I feared my LO had rekindled their friendship with their former best friend (theirs was a toxic relationship) I hit rock bottom last week and decided NC was the only option.

My LO is a very intense friend (which obviously suited me just fine!). Until very recently we have been messaging constantly during the day and see each other regularly, she’s often told me she loves me, can’t do life without me, I’m her only real friend (fact) blah bah but this has dried up recently and I feel she has been distancing herself from me so I raised my concerns and subconsciously seized upon her reasons as an opportunity to stat an argument which has resulted in me saying I’m done with our friendship.

Its complicated….in a round about way the reason for the argument does go back to my perceived friendship with the ex best friend which I am insanely jealous of. I do think she Iying about the amount of contact they have had and She sees my reaction as extreme, which of course it is!
I feel terrible for manipulating the situation so I could cut her out of my life and I know it makes me look like a terrible controlling friend (which is what limerence has made me).. I miss the friendship part of our relationship terribly. I have spoke to a good friend about the argument and she has reminded me of my LOs many less attractive qualities – narcissist, bitchy etc… i need my LO to be horrible to me so that I can justify keeping my distance….

Yesterday I felt freer than I have done in months…just the ‘grief’ rather than jealousy, anxiety etc…today I just feel like shit!

Posts: 1949
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: guilt over NC with LO who is my best friend

Post by Idiotic »

Instead of focusing on good or bad 'qualities' of your friend, I think just evaluate what you want with them.

And let it be known
If you keep some things to yourself they will ultimately spill over, and lead to toxicity

If you love your friend, but she wants space, then just give her space, although you have to mourn it.

If your friend wants you in her life, she will keep you as a part of her life

Insecurity makes the other person run, it's a fact
So go to the root of insecurity and face that fear.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

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