Relationship with EX SO

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AMA210
Posts: 1991
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
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Age: 55
United States of America

Relationship with EX SO

Post by AMA210 »

Hey everyone. Not sure where to put this topic, so it's going into General.

So, I've been divorced for 1 1/2 years now and EX SO has been very helpful in putting items together and hanging things up in the place I moved in to. Last winter, he jump started my vehicle (dead battery) and borrowed his car to me to get to work. I have been going out to eat with him every two months or so to catch up and discuss our daughter. This past weekend, I talked to him on the phone for an hour and then had to drop some items off and spent another hour at his house. Yesterday he texted me to ask if I would like some pork chops that were on sale because he was going anyway. I said sure. He tells me what is going on with him and what activities he did and I tell him not as much about what I'm doing.

I am confused. :-\
We talk a lot more now than we ever did when married.
I kind of think that he is either trying to win me back OR realizing what was lost and having regret and guilt.
I have no emotional attachment to him and that ceased at least three years ago already.
I don't love him, but still care, and I think this is because we were together for 33 years.
I view him as a friend or buddy.
Sometimes, we do hug, and I don't feel any connection during that. It's a weird feeling - describe it as nothingness.

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this after getting divorced. Thanks.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 4441
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Relationship with EX SO

Post by JupiterTaco »

These things could be true. I myself have come to liken my past exes (in fact most people in my past) as being like those ghosts on Super Mario. When you're turned away they sneak up behind you baring fangs. When you turn back they stop moving and look normal.
"Byreeeeeeeen! Byreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!"

HopelesslyDevoted
Posts: 35
Joined: Wed Sep 02, 2020 12:26 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Relationship with EX SO

Post by HopelesslyDevoted »

I can relate. My ex husband comes over a few times a year to see his son and we often stand chatting about anything and everything. We always hug goodbye and we WhatsApp each other every few weeks or so. I don't have any romantic feelings for him at all, not even a passing thought of something happening with him which in retrospect is weird given my LO is an ex boyfriend and it couldn't be more different.

Maybe it's because I share a child with my ex husband, I've always wanted to keep it as friendly as possible for my son's sake. I came to terms with what happened between us a long time ago and I remarried fairly quickly after him so I guess there was no need to try to rekindle anything.

I care about him, of course, but more like a family member than anything more. I sometimes wonder if he regrets leaving me or if he's ever considered trying to win me back but I couldn't be less interested in that!
Date last contact: 30/08/20 Trying to accept that whatever it was is over - why is it so hard 💔

MrSpock
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Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:39 pm
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
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Age: 49
Argentina

Re: Relationship with EX SO

Post by MrSpock »

Hi AMA,

I can't speak for myself, but most of my friend's parents are divorced and they all get along perfectly well. You wouldn't even guess that they used to be married. I always thought that this is because of the kids they have in common. They are not a couple any more, but they are still "family", just differently.

Since you are fully void of romantics feelings for your EX SO, then it doesn't really matter what he expects or what he's trying to get from you. That just won't happen. However, it might be possible for you two to still be "together around your daughter". Specially in the future, if she has a family of her own, then you both would be the grand-parents, regardless of what is not there between the two of you.

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