The post-limerence embarrassment

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Rothko
Posts: 243
Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2014 10:01 pm

The post-limerence embarrassment

Post by Rothko »

I've not been limerent for quite a long time now, but do very occasionally communicate with my ex-LO via text message. It's never anything interesting-'how are you?' type stuff- and the communication doesn't cause me any issues or prompt a relapse of any sort now. The only feeling I get when I'm reminded of LO is a sense of acute embarrassment at what a complete dick I must have made of myself at the time.

I never disclosed, but looking back, it must have been so obvious to LO that I had feelings for her. I acted like a lovesick teenager- hanging around her in the office, appearing next to her desk for no good reason at all, the clingy text messages I sent, pressing her to meet me for coffee and continue the 'friendship' after we'd stopped working together, the way I tried to drive 'intimate' conversations and then kid myself that it meant we had some kind of connection. It makes my skin crawl looking back at it now and it's a wonder that she didn't snap one day and simply tell me to fuck off and leave her alone.

However, if the current me had been able to go back in time and tell limerent me that he was deluded, and the amazing friendship he had with this woman was actually more like stalking, the old, limerent me would have argued until he was blue in the face that no, this was a special relationship and that LO felt the same, it was just circumstances keeping the two of us apart... yeah, right! :))

How do we get ourselves into such a confused fog? There are so many similarities with mental illness, even though,to my knowledge, limerence isn't a diagnosable condition. My friend, bless him, suffers from bouts of OCD/anxiety and when unwell, he obsesses over the strangest things and simply can't stop himself from doing so. There's no convincing him that whatever crazy thing he's worrying about is either completely trivial, unlikely to happen or both of these things. When he's well again, he shakes his head at the kind of things he was obsessed about and laughs.

Unfortunately, the frustrating thing is that anyone reading this who's still in the throes of limerence will say, "Yeah, but that's not like my situation...there REALLY is a special connection in my case!" ~x(

HopelesslyDevoted
Posts: 35
Joined: Wed Sep 02, 2020 12:26 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: The post-limerence embarrassment

Post by HopelesslyDevoted »

I look back on my first limerent experience like that. It was so cringe worthy, I can't believe he didn't call the Police on me for being a crazy stalker. I was 14 and he was 19.

I am so lucky that he was a nice guy but I was so deluded. I tried to make myself seem older by holding a dinner party. I got all dressed up and made up for it and looked ridiculous. I messed up the cooking too, it was the worst night ever!

I was a leader at a youth camp in my early 20s and one of the other leaders was his little brother. He kept looking at me then came over and said 'Aren't you the girl who was completely obsessed with my brother?' in front of everyone. I could've died!

But yes, if I could go back and talk to my 14 year old self I wouldn't believe that I wasn't completely in love with him and we were meant to get married, have a family etc.

I chat to him now and again on Facebook, I keep thinking I should tell him about limerence, that it is a genuine thing and explains how out of hand it got when I didn't really know him, couldn't speak to him when I was with him and probably would have freaked out had he tried to kiss me!
Last edited by HopelesslyDevoted on Sun Sep 06, 2020 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Date last contact: 30/08/20 Trying to accept that whatever it was is over - why is it so hard 💔

JohnDeux
Posts: 2002
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: The post-limerence embarrassment

Post by JohnDeux »

Rothko wrote:
Thu Sep 03, 2020 10:45 pm
.....There are so many similarities with mental illness,.....
I'm always grateful to see other past limerents take the time to come back and relay this information. Good to hear from you again, Rothko, and to see how far emerged from the rabbit hole you are now....Congrats! I guess I do agree with you that, for that strange period of our lives, we are stuck in a strange mental illness that nevertheless also feels necessary....like even when we *didn't* have an LO in our in our midst, we were living a quasi-LE fantasy in other ways in our life and needed to move out of that state a bit more. The LE itself seems to be the catalyst for doing that, ......if we can keep some sense about us and move through the condition while learning from it. Best of luck down the road and good to hear from you!.... :ymapplause:
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

NotUseless
Posts: 88
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2020 5:31 am
Australia

Re: The post-limerence embarrassment

Post by NotUseless »

I'm not even clear of my latest one and I'm so incredibly embarrassed about it. The one immediately prior is now my boss and that's fine, but then I didn't get quite as taken advantage of as in this latest episode. The worst thing with the latest episode was being able to see what's going on, recognise it as pathological, explain to LO I knew it was pathological, and still not being able to put a clamp on it or stop myself from getting used. And now I'm living under the vague threat of this guy committing suicide and doing something immediately prior to take revenge, of which he's totally capable. All of which is just *dandy*. And I bloody still worry about the man. So damned embarrassing.

L-F
Posts: 3072
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: The post-limerence embarrassment

Post by L-F »

Rothko wrote:
Thu Sep 03, 2020 10:45 pm
How do we get ourselves into such a confused fog?
Million dollar question.
We learn, we grow, we change our perceptions.
Good to read your update Rothko!
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman

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