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What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

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Idiotic
Posts: 1978
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What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by Idiotic »

Any ideas..
Like they really liked you before and it was almost mutual.
Until it isn't.

In my previous LE , she wasn't so explicit in her feelings for me.
I mean I feel she's keeping me around for attention.

And I'm a sucker right now cos I'm weak from all the distress in other parts of my life.

Sorry if this is repetitive.

Unbelievable

Kind of funny too..

Circle of fuckin life
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn
Nensi
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Re: What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by Nensi »

I pick up my stuff and remains of my dignity and walk away
Every step is f.cking painful, but every step also gives a glimpse of new light an perspective.
Me: F
LO: M
Both married.
Cookie
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Re: What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by Cookie »

It has helped me to realize that their initial "interest" in us really wasn't that at all: it was just them basking in our attention to feel better about themselves. They were not genuinely interested in getting to know us, finding out about our histories, families, likes, and dislikes. As you've said, she's keeping you around for attention. I don't care if they even say "I love you" or any of that stuff...it's not real. The devaluing starts on day one.
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JupiterTaco
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Re: What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by JupiterTaco »

Cookie wrote: Sat Jul 04, 2020 5:17 pm It has helped me to realize that their initial "interest" in us really wasn't that at all: it was just them basking in our attention to feel better about themselves. They were not genuinely interested in getting to know us, finding out about our histories, families, likes, and dislikes. As you've said, she's keeping you around for attention. I don't care if they even say "I love you" or any of that stuff...it's not real. The devaluing starts on day one.
That is so true.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
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Teana
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Re: What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by Teana »

Happend to me.
Just trying to collect the last dignity and self worth I didnt know I even have left in me to not get clingy on him.
And go through with pain like he cut me through my whole torso and my organs are falling out. And trying to think about reasons my life is not at the end just because some asshole was taking advantage of me and that im better off without him.
And hoping that the pain will go away.
F 28
LO M 40
MrSpock
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Re: What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by MrSpock »

Hi Idy,

I wish I could just tell you that the solution is to do this or that. Maybe there is a "reboot" button in the back of our heads? that seems to solve all computer problems.

My current case is probably different in the sense that LO stop liking me when I disclosed. She really, really liked me before, and "having that" was seriously important to me. It was also seriously painful, because "that" was nowhere enough.
Now that she doesn't like me anymore (or worse) I can still try to let her go and move on.

A case of mine that might be somewhat closer is when, some 30 years ago, my first girlfriend dumped me. She was an "LO", but to her I was, I guess, just a "normal love". So she was madly in love with me, until she just wasn't anymore, and eventually, she figured out she had to just end it. As in your case, she didn't really do anything wrong. Her feelings just vanished.
I, on the other hand, was as crazy about her as the first day, so it was extremely painful. So much that we agreed to remain friends, but I just had to never see her again (I did see her again a few times but only years later. And now she is a FB friend).

What did I do then, and what do I do now? just try as best as I can to move on and remove any trace of "us" from my head. OK, well, in my current LE, that's what I do 80% of the time... the other 20% I'm looking forward to seeing her again when the quarantine is over in the hope that she'll like me again (or was that 20%-80% ???)

Of course, that's what we all try, and keep trying to do. There is no big insight here.

This just sucks. Today in particular I'm fighting harder than usual to keep the memories of how we used be to like off my head. And emotionally is like I'm pulling myself up every two minutes. Maybe is the COVID, or the planets are all misaligned, like Acrobat's friends said. Or whatever, but my days are usually not like this.

Now.... connecting to something you said in that other related thread, I totally get this feeling of rejection over "little things". Like, say, you made a great joke and she didn't laugh as she usually does, and you start thinking that maybe your are not funny anymore. I used to be like that all the time with that first girlfriend I told you about.

What helped me get through the break up was thinking that instead of being "normally happy" with her, I was extremely happy, then extremely miserable, then back up and back down again and again. And it wasn't at all her fault. It was not at all that she was hot and cold. It was entirely me. I just couldn't help myself reading between every line. Like, she would walk somewhere and I would think that she didn't pass right next to me but chose another path, and that meant she didn't want me there.

I think this is the same you described in your "little things" thread. And I can only say that I totally get you. Unfortunately, I don't know if I manage to handle that, or is just that we split.
Cookie
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Re: What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by Cookie »

MrSpock wrote: Sun Jul 05, 2020 3:26 am She really, really liked me before
Spock, if I may —- this is part of the delusion that keeps us hooked. It may have felt to us that an LO “really, really” liked us, but it’s simply not real. If it was genuine affection and caring, they wouldn’t run for the hills with disclosure. I’ve often said that they’re as confused as we are, or more, and any signs we interpret are a reflection of that.

I’ve had LOs tell me they loved me, made plans for our new life together, etc., etc. It was all escapist, fake, attention-seeking bullshit, and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can move on and get back to what IS real. This is all in our heads...and sometimes in theirs too.
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WishMagick
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Re: What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by WishMagick »

Cookie wrote: Sun Jul 05, 2020 3:57 pm It may have felt to us that an LO “really, really” liked us, but it’s simply not real. If it was genuine affection and caring, they wouldn’t run for the hills with disclosure.
What if they don't run for the hills after disclosure (they even go so far as to say they want to remain friends), but then appear to "run for the hills" 2.5 months later? All while still interacting with you on your social media page??

I messaged him "Are you ok?" And he hasn't replied.
Also he pretends I don't exist in person. (He wasn't doing that for 2.5 months after I disclosed)

My LO has to be the most confusing of them all!
I'm now limerence free! Mindfulness & Traditional spiritualism was my "cure".
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
JupiterTaco
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Re: What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by JupiterTaco »

Cookie wrote: Sun Jul 05, 2020 3:57 pm
MrSpock wrote: Sun Jul 05, 2020 3:26 am She really, really liked me before
Spock, if I may —- this is part of the delusion that keeps us hooked. It may have felt to us that an LO “really, really” liked us, but it’s simply not real. If it was genuine affection and caring, they wouldn’t run for the hills with disclosure. I’ve often said that they’re as confused as we are, or more, and any signs we interpret are a reflection of that.

I’ve had LOs tell me they loved me, made plans for our new life together, etc., etc. It was all escapist, fake, attention-seeking bullshit, and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can move on and get back to what IS real. This is all in our heads...and sometimes in theirs too.
They'd also likely treat you differently than others. As I've had a chance to really compare notes with how my neighbor treats other people, it's really not that different from me. I can't speak for what happens when she hangs with people alone (which everyone insists on telling me about) but it's clear people come to the same conclusion that I do and it just validates me more inside.

I've given up trying to figure out who's her flying monkey and who is just also trying to make sense of the situation, I really don't care. I know she doesn't care about me. I want to stop hearing about her everywhere I go but I'm afraid setting that boundaries will make people talk. I don't want any supposed connection between she and I. I've started making snide comments about how she always comes up in conversation and her proven flying monkey said, "she's really interesting". How? She literally can't be alone with herself, how is that interesting?

I just find it annoying that I can't have a "hey how are ya" moment with a neighbor without this crap. It's no different to me than when I was running into her everywhere.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
Cookie
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Re: What do you guys do when your LO loses interest in you?

Post by Cookie »

WishMagick wrote: Sun Jul 05, 2020 4:55 pm
Cookie wrote: Sun Jul 05, 2020 3:57 pm It may have felt to us that an LO “really, really” liked us, but it’s simply not real. If it was genuine affection and caring, they wouldn’t run for the hills with disclosure.
What if they don't run for the hills after disclosure (they even go so far as to say they want to remain friends), but then appear to "run for the hills" 2.5 months later? All while still interacting with you on your social media page??

I messaged him "Are you ok?" And he hasn't replied.
Also he pretends I don't exist in person. (He wasn't doing that for 2.5 months after I disclosed)

My LO has to be the most confusing of them all!
They often send mixed messages, with some being more confusing than others. I've had about 7 LOs now (OMG, so embarrassing and frustrating to even admit that), and while they're all different, the common thread is that their "feelings" are shallow and not particularly genuine.

They may run for the hills today, tomorrow, next week, or a decade from now -- or they may decide to keep us as "friends" as long as we will have it. My current one BEGGED me for friendship, the same way he begged me to sleep with him two years ago.

My experience has been that they like the attention and will keep us around for that purpose, whether they reciprocate it back on us or not. But there's no LO rulebook or whatever. Like I said, they're often as confused as we are when it comes to attachment of any kind.
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