I sent LO a message telling him...

[Cookie]

...to F*** Off.

Those were not my exact words, but that was definitely the underlying point.

Long story, but there was a major recent trigger related to my previous thread about him stealing from me. Found out through our small collectors' circle that he is selling an item I bought for him when we knew each other.

What a user and abuser this man is. And what an IDIOT I was for ever risking my wonderful life for such a loser.

This weekend, I celebrate freedom from this crap. Hope you will do the same!!!!

[L-F]

Its amazing how we repeat old behavior.
I won't pat you on the back, because I've done that heaps of times and you keep repeating old behavior by letting him back in.
That's on you, not him.

You know your stuff.
You are a strong intelligent woman.

Try something different? Perhaps?
Like forgiveness? Radical inclusivity? Idk. Kicking him to the curb has never helped you before.

Being angry is one thing - and you have every reason to be angry. Have you considered if getting angry helps the situation? Or if there is anything deeper beyond anger? Like pain? And if so, have you addressed this? Again, I have no clue what you have and haven't tried. What makes you think kicking him to the curb will work this time?

Cookie, like I said, you are a strong intelligent women. Only you know what's best for you. Wishing you many days free of pain and heartache

[Teana]

And is it making your limerence going away or weaken?

I can imagine I could hit a point, where something gets agains moral believes and I d loose it. Like if i saw my LO kicking a dog, It would kill my limerence. This what he had done is not this bad, but it is pretty bad pointer of his morals.

Selling other peoples gifts is disgusting.

[Acrobatica]

It is completely ok to call out people for shitty behavior.

And it is completely normal to be angry at people who treat you poorly.

Those are normal emotional responses.

I think one of the issues with limerence is we were taught by our FUFOO that our normal emotional responses were too much, or we were shamed for them.

And forgiving someone when you are still angry never helped anyone.

And watch Dr Ramani. She has a video about: Forgiving a narcissist is just an invitation for them to treat you worse.

[Cookie]

And is it making your limerence going away or weaken?

No feelings for this man right now, Teana. He has benefited from me financially, so to find this out made me pretty angry. Not about him and the limerence, but about the fact he would exploit me (again) after I already called him on doing so. But then again, what did I expect?!?!

Again, I have no clue what you have and haven't tried. What makes you think kicking him to the curb will work this time?

Really? I've been talking about it on here for two years and you certainly responded enough.

I was actually NC until the previous thievery incident a month or so ago, which I did a thread about. He returned the stolen item and we did communicate re: our mutual business interests, something I now regret.

It is completely ok to call out people for shitty behavior.

And it is completely normal to be angry at people who treat you poorly.

Those are normal emotional responses.

I think one of the issues with limerence is we were taught by our FUFOO that our normal emotional responses were too much, or we were shamed for them.

And forgiving someone when you are still angry never helped anyone.

And watch Dr Ramani. She has a video about: Forgiving a narcissist is just an invitation for them to treat you worse.

I agree 10000%. We were never allowed to talk about bad things or raise our voices in my FOO house. So we grew up to be frightened, cowering, agreeable, conflict-avoiding adults.

PRECISELY what got me into the situation where I gave too much to this man and he took the extra mile.

Yes, I own it. But I’m still glad I told him to fuck off. Ooops…spelled it out this time.

Anyway, this was supposed to be an inspiration to others, not just about me, lol. I hope that we ALL can do whatever it takes to be free.

[PhoenixJB]

I'm glad you told him to fuck off.

I've told mine to fuck off before. "Enjoy your shitty wife and shitty life" with 3 middle finger emojis

didn't work. know why? he aint' right in the head. And as soon as I messaged, again I was in the loop of obsession/stalker behavior.

I fully support you telling him, but... don't let it suck you back in.

Full disclosure: I messaged mine today... he responded fairly politely whilst still blaming me, saying he never was shitty with me unless I was shitty with him first, and I messaged him back... which he still hasn't read.... argh. Pointless.

I don't know. Good for you. I hope it hits home with your LO. Or better yet, hope it helps you. Is the only thing that matters. You. Your peace of mind.

[Cookie]

I'm glad you told him to fuck off.

I've told mine to fuck off before.

didn't work. know why? he aint' right in the head. And as soon as I messaged, again I was in the loop of obsession/stalker behavior.

I’ve been here before too, Phoenix. But I did have a long period of NC before the thieving discovery etc., so maybe I’m further along now? I’d like to think so.

His only concern is feeling absolved from any guilt, and I took enough self-blame to hopefully keep him from responding just to defend himself or whatever.

I’m just tired and irked at the $ wasted on this sham of a business connection, but that’s on me and I’m forgiving myself for it.

And you are right that the “ain’t right in the head” part will continue to have a voice if we continue to engage it. I have a feeling he’s gonna give up this time, and for once I can say I’m genuinely relieved!!!

[Maddie]

This weekend, I celebrate freedom from this crap. Hope you will do the same!!!!

I am beginning to see a teeny tiny glimpse of freedom you speak of. and good for you for telling him to fuck off. it's like what you got for him apparently meant nothing. I hope you can maintain a boundary with this guy, as he does not deserve to be in your life (although he keeps creeping back in). i think they know that we're "addicted" which changes the power dynamic. you've certainly always helped me see the reality of my painful situation.

[Maddie]

It is completely ok to call out people for shitty behavior.

And it is completely normal to be angry at people who treat you poorly.

Those are normal emotional responses.

Great point, Acro.

[Cookie]

Thanks, Maddie! We both know there’s nothing to be gained with these guys and a whole lot to lose. I don’t remember feeling this kind of anger before when it was just him ignoring me or whatever. This added insult to injury on the last thieving discovery.

He just has no regard for how he affects others, and why am I surprised as he’s a narcissist?!? In both cases, these items have appeared on his social media, and a mutual business friend has alerted me. I bet he doesn’t even remember that I got it for him because he could care less that it was someone else’s hard work that made it happen.

Enough about him! I need to recognize this as the exploitation it was and be strong in that memory if and when he attempts to “apologize.” I read something recently about narcissistic apologies and how their only goal is to feel that they were the good guy and the victim was the bad one for not accepting it. I’ve known that with him for so long, but it was good to see it in writing from a professional.