Dreamed about LO last night

[MrSpock]

Hi,

I had a somewhat unusual and very intense dream about LO last night. Unusual because even though is common for me to dream about someone, it is usually unknown people I dream of. Even in the romantic dreams I use to have, the girls are usually unknown. I've only dreamed about LO specifically 3 times before (in 3 years). And this one was intense in the sense that it felt real. Most of my dreams are more like watching a movie than living it.

We were taking a lunch break. The kind you step out the office and go grab something to eat. That's odd considering that I work home (not in an office), for 17 years now, and LO is not a co-worker (she a TKD class-mate). As we were walking down the street I realized that we are doing that, and I thought, "hey, she's speaking to me again! and we are spending this time together! this is awesome!". That was very nice because in the real world she is not talking to me, but here she was being very friendly. In the dream it felt like we were kind of close, friend-like close I mean, just how she used to be before I disclosed.

In the past, when I dreamed about LO it was always in a clearly romantic way. Like we were starting something. This dream, however, we were just friends. Good friends, and it felt like being close, but just friends nonetheless.
OK, granted, me having this dream about LO, plus the way I was feeling about us spending some time together, is probably "limerence driven", but in the dream, I was not thinking of her as someone I wanted to have a (romantic) relationship with but as a friend, just like the female friends I have in real life.

Well, at least it was closer to "just friendliness" than ever before. There was a moment when we walked into a place that meant something very important to her, and she was telling me all about it, and it was lovely having her do that, as in, sharing that with me. How close it felt.
After that, we want back. It was not the office but school (as in high school). She sat somewhere, where I couldn't see her, but I was thinking about how nice the lunch break was instead of thinking where was she at that time, or why wasn't she sitting next to me, or something like that. That is, in the dream, I didn't at all need to stay with her. I moved on to do whatever else, alone, even though she was somewhere there in the same room.

[Idiotic]

Woah. Was it tough after waking up?

[MrSpock]

I wouldn't say tough, but I was definitely moved. I still am. Is harder than usual today to keep her out of my mind.
On the other hand, it was a nice to have dream. I mean, it is as if that had actually happened. I was nice and now I feel kind of the way I would if it had really happened. Weird how dreams can something be like that.

[Idiotic]

I'm glad I'm not dreaming of this new LO yet.
It's already hard to keep her out..

But I get your meaning.
Sometimes dreams have such a calming effect
It's like subconscious trying to soothe us

[JMS164]

Gosh, this dream really speaks to me. I constantly wrestle with wanting to disclose to LO and understanding that it would likely be the end of our wonderful coworker relationship. Part of me wants the direct rejection and for the flirtatious behavior to stop, so maybe I can move on with my life and not feel this pain anymore. The other part of me cherishes the way we connect right now and recognizes that I may be losing something equally as valuable as a romantic relationship. We are pretty good friends who make each other laugh and smile all day long. It feels like a sacrifice to give up all those little moments to move past the love I have for this person.

I feel like your dream captured how special those moments can be with a person we appreciate. I can tell you very much long to feel closeness with your LO, even if it isn't romantic in nature. I have had dreams similar to this one despite having these types of interactions with LO nearly every day. You sharing this has given me much to consider. Thank you.

[MrSpock]

I'm glad I'm not dreaming of this new LO yet.
It's already hard to keep her out..

Oh.. I missed the part about you having a NEW LO. That sucks.

But I get your meaning.
Sometimes dreams have such a calming effect
It's like subconscious trying to soothe us

Indeed. It dug out these feelings that I'm trying to keep buried six fit under. But, as it turned out, not in a way as bad as it used to be.

[MrSpock]

Gosh, this dream really speaks to me. I constantly wrestle with wanting to disclose to LO and understanding that it would likely be the end of our wonderful coworker relationship. Part of me wants the direct rejection and for the flirtatious behavior to stop, so maybe I can move on with my life and not feel this pain anymore. The other part of me cherishes the way we connect right now and recognizes that I may be losing something equally as valuable as a romantic relationship. We are pretty good friends who make each other laugh and smile all day long. It feels like a sacrifice to give up all those little moments to move past the love I have for this person.

Exactly! I absolutely understand what you're saying. I wrestled with exactly the same, a year ago, when in the end I decided to disclose.
I had a lot of trouble managing our relationship. I kept telling myself that I just had to remove the romance out of the friendship, and I was mostly doing exactly that, until one time I just couldn't.

I can tell you very much long to feel closeness with your LO, even if it isn't romantic in nature.

Absolutely!!!!

It's been a year since she totally stopped talking to me, and while I have little problem these days accepting that we could have never been together (like that), I totally regret the fact that we're not friends anymore. And that isn't fading away. Not one bit.
She used to like me. Used to be very, expressively very, happy to see me (as I could see by the way she used to smile at me the second she saw me join the TKD class). She clearly enjoyed my company even though it was extremely limited due to the circumstances, as being just TKD classmates and for example had never been alone, or any such thing.
I really missed that and regret having had lost it!

If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, and having progressed in this limerence journey they way I did, I would not even think of disclosing so that we could remain friends.

On the other hand, back then--a year ago--I just wasn't equipped with the understanding and tools I have now, so I understand why I did what I did.
If only we had today, the newspaper of tomorrow! it would all be so much easier!

[JMS164]

It's so interesting you say that Mr. Spock, because I wonder if you would be where you are now without the disclosure? My guess is, the decision to reveal your romantic feelings to LO and her response fundamentally changed the way you approached your limerence. I doubt NC would have occurred had you not disclosed. It sounds like you had a really friendly pleasant friendship with LO that would have likely continued on for a long time.

For me, disclosure rarely, if ever, leaves my mind during my interactions with LO. I want so badly to let my LO know just how much they mean to me. I understand the decision cannot be taken back, and the possible consequences plague me. However, not disclosing means that I may not know the truth of my relationship with LO. I can tell myself a story that is positive (LO likes me as well) or negative (LO doesn't really want me around) but I won't ever know for sure. I find it painful to guess and wonder about his feelings towards me. I think as humans we inherently seek meaning in our relationships, and I want to know that I am meaningful to him too. I believe the pain will not stop until I have spoken my truth and faced reality, or I am separated from LO for a very long time.

I believe you disclosed, because it was deeply painful to continue in a relationship you deemed meaningful in an inauthentic manner. I wish I had your strength to make the same decision in my situation.

[WishMagick]

@JMS,

I really hope that I am not saying the wrong thing here, but I really think in your situation, your disclosure would lead to an affair with your LO.

Your limerent mind wants that, and would not be able to stop your rational side.

I am basing this on what you have told us about your relationship with your LO, and I could be wrong, obviously, but, I am 99% sure that your disclosure would lead to absolute chaos.

Which would in turn make your pain a lot worse than it is now. At the very least, he would confess that he feels the same and then disappear. I don't know of anything more painful than that outcome. In my mind, knowing that your feelings are reciprocated, but not being able to consummate would be the ultimate knife to the soul.

[JMS164]

Far be it from me to jack Mr. Spock's thread, but I would have agreed with you at one point that disclosure would certainly have led to an open emotional affair at the very least. I even thought a physical affair was possible. Now, I'm not so certain what he would say or how he'd react.

I found that reading your post caused an ache in my chest, though. I know I do not want an affair with this person, but I do ache for a consummated relationship. I know the likelihood of ever having one is very low and even lower if the expectation would be that he divorced from his wife first. Unlike some limerent people, simple reciprocation would not be enough for me. And yes, if he revealed he felt anything at all for me it would likely cause some sort of chaos in our lives. Thus, I have held my tongue.

I do maintain, though, that disclosure would force some outcome that would end the current ambivalent hell I live in. It may welcome a new hell, but perhaps it would also bring the insight that Mr. Spock gained. I suppose the debate about disclosure rages on