DO NOT RESPOND TO NODAYDREAMING

[David]

Woah,dont take away our PM's sometimes you just want to say hi to friends here, without contributing to a discussion or thread.

no intention of doing that yet as I know its an appreciated feature

[Idiotic]

Woah,dont take away our PM's sometimes you just want to say hi to friends here, without contributing to a discussion or thread.

no intention of doing that yet as I know its an appreciated feature

Cool

[L-F]

Take away our our PM privilege, fuck em all!
If you want to say it, say it out in the open

[ireneadler]

So I guess the question is, why did I want to give myself away to others so easily? Why was I attracted to relationships where I would be an object? Did I have such little concept of who I was that I was desperately latching onto anyone who could give me an identity? Was I trying to avoid personal responsibility for myself because I felt so out of control? Was I trying to recreate the dynamic I had with my parents? Was I searching for the parents I never had? I'm not sure. Maybe more will be revealed.

Pandora, did you always feel like an object? I gave myself away freely too, for instance I made out with close to 8o people in high school and college. I had some guys apologize (who I was just friends with), but I didn’t feel taken advantage of as they thought I did. I was just having fun. I have been faithful to my husband since we married, but ironic that he doesn’t want to make out or even have sex much. We went through a dry spell before when he had his own LO/EA/plus a porn addiction. I don’t know what the problem is this time, but maybe I’m not pressuring him anymore now that I’m fixated and fantasizing about LO for the past 2 years. The marriage is better, get along wise, since I met LO. I think it is because I am no longer fixated on my husband and it took pressure off the relationship. I know I have a people addiction that probably accounts for wanting to get people drunk and make out when I was younger. But I think I moved on quickly, because they were available and attainable. LO and I are both married, so it is the old, unrequited love that keeps me interested? I do think I may have fixated on my husband as an unrequited love for years. I can’t figure out how or why I transferred fixation. I do know the first sentence out of LO’s mouth when we first met was like lightning and rocked my world. It was a compliment on something I had.

[L-F]

At the crux of it, personal boundaries sit. A sense of what is right and what is wrong that the body intuitively knows - no thought processes required.
Our worth.
Our value.
Our safety.
Our body knows.

I'm not interested in joining in any circus because that's where people go to dehumanize others. Recognizing the injury in all of us and cultivating our capacity for nonjudgmental presence, is an ever-evolving process.

"As we make the journey inward with our people, we will come to the next challenge to our compassion: those inner community members who have actively bought harm to the young ones inside. This is such tender territory, a place where we need to acknowledge the suffering our people have sustained without demonizing and alienating the ones who bought it, for they are now part of the ones in our care as well. This can be radical inclusiveness at its most healing, widening our joined windows of tolerance to truly accept every part."
Bonnie Badenoch - The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships

[Acrobatica]

Circuses were, and still can be, a place that people who feel rejected from society can go to form a new family. That’s why so many of us are attracted to the concept of running away to join the circus.

Modern circus is often about combining athleticism and art, exploring themes of trust, balance, and love.

And for me Circus is a place to celebrate the pure joy of the human body.

Just got to defend a term that I’ve dedicated a whole bunch of my life to.

[Cookie]

Circuses were, and still can be, a place that people who feel rejected from society can go to form a new family. That’s why so many of us are attracted to the concept of running away to join the circus.

Modern circus is often about combining athleticism and art, exploring themes of trust, balance, and love.

And for me Circus is a place to celebrate the pure joy of the human body.

Just got to defend a term that I’ve dedicated a whole bunch of my life to.

I was a part of a rock-n-roll circus for many years and found my second/real family there. In fact, it was the experience that made me realize that my FOO had a strange and transactional way of showing "love" and taught me that it really could be unconditional.

We were not athletes, hehe, just partiers mostly -- but we definitely had fellowship that endures to this day.

I never thought about it in exactly these terms, but yes. A carnival of misfits.

[Pandora]

Pandora, did you always feel like an object? I gave myself away freely too, for instance I made out with close to 8o people in high school and college. I had some guys apologize (who I was just friends with), but I didn’t feel taken advantage of as they thought I did. I was just having fun. I have been faithful to my husband since we married, but ironic that he doesn’t want to make out or even have sex much. We went through a dry spell before when he had his own LO/EA/plus a porn addiction. I don’t know what the problem is this time, but maybe I’m not pressuring him anymore now that I’m fixated and fantasizing about LO for the past 2 years. The marriage is better, get along wise, since I met LO. I think it is because I am no longer fixated on my husband and it took pressure off the relationship. I know I have a people addiction that probably accounts for wanting to get people drunk and make out when I was younger. But I think I moved on quickly, because they were available and attainable. LO and I are both married, so it is the old, unrequited love that keeps me interested? I do think I may have fixated on my husband as an unrequited love for years. I can’t figure out how or why I transferred fixation. I do know the first sentence out of LO’s mouth when we first met was like lightning and rocked my world. It was a compliment on something I had.

I think, subconsciously, I wanted to be an object. And I think that is because I have few interpersonal skills and don't really know how to be in a relationship of any type (whether romantic or platonic) and thus the people in my life are really just objects to me. I have a horrible history of dropping friends with little provocation, serial limerence, getting caught up in my head and forgetting about other people in my life until I become lonely and want someone, befriending people I sense are vulnerable and easily controlled, etc. I don't really know how to be equal in relationships, and thus I objectify people by placing them either above me or below me. Either I exist to gratify and worship someone else, or others exist to gratify my ego and need to feel important.
I'm not sure this is applicable to all (or even many) people with limerence, so it might be more a 'me' thing.

And I totally relate to moving on from available people quickly! I think for me I feed my ego by thinking 'I can be so amazing that these unavailable people cannot help but make themselves available to me!' Of course, if they ever do become available then the 'mission' is over and I'm not interested anymore. Because the flip side of that need for ego feeding is low self-esteem, and there's the fear that if I am truly known, who could ever love someone like me? More importantly, if they see the real me and still love me, what the hell is wrong with them?!