Never managed to bond with any of my LOs

[UlyssesAlves]

From what I can remember, I think I’ve had at least 4 LOs through my life, very well spread in terms of the time span between each LE.

The first one was when I was a kid, and lasted for at least two years. The second and third ones were during my adolescence. The latest is the one I’m going through right now, in my adult age.

Even though all of these LEs have been very strong, I’ve never been able to form any kind of relationship with my LOs.

My mother is a cruel narcissist, and for what I’m realizing nowadays she has never taught me any social skills so I could know to bond with people, to date a girl and so on. Rather she sweared to me some years ago that I will never get merried.

She’s very callous, and I find it just impossible to stay around her without getting emotionally disturbed in just a matter of minutes, even though I don’t really know what she does to disturb me in such a powerful covert fashion.

I don’t really believe her words, and I know a change in my behavior will grant me what mum never wanted me to have.

Interestingly, all my LOs, with no exceptions, have been white skin colored girls with black hair, the same exact physical traits my mother has. It was my sister who pointed that to me after I told her about my second or third LO.

So, much probably, these girls are just bringing to my memory the image of the perfect mum I craved to have, but which I’ve never had.

[WishMagick]

So, much probably, these girls are just bringing to my memory the image of the perfect mum I craved to have, but which I’ve never had.

This is so sad. I'm sorry that you don't have the kind of relationship with your mother that you deserve. It's a good thing that you recognize all this, though! Sometimes it takes something to happen to make it all click and you can begin to heal.

I do think it's quite normal to not bond with a LO, though. I have had roughly 5 LEs in my life, and I didn't bond really at all with two of them. They kept me too far away, emotionally. That is what my father did, so that is the type of person I become obsessed with.

The 3 people I managed to bond with were probably trauma bonded with me in some way - or just REALLY liked the attention I gave them, so they let me in their heart a little. In varying degrees.

And a bond is not usually created when a LE is not reciprocal.

[UlyssesAlves]

Thanks for the reply.

Sometimes it takes something to happen to make it all click and you can begin to heal.

Sure! December last year I went through a bullying episode that opened my eyes to see how manipulative people were getting an edge over me and throwing me off ground. This has since helped me to deal more effectively with difficult people, and has also taught me on how to behave myself in a way that shows leadership, which in turn makes me more attractive to women and also more valuable as a person, friend and employee.

And a bond is not usually created when a LE is not reciprocal.

I agree with this one too. Actually I had to proactively destroy my first LE because the LO girl was just too much toxic that I found myself in rage because the girl was taking me for granted, mocking me and trying to force me to admit my feelings towards her. She was also humiliating me because she knew I was so much in love with her that I would never ever disappoint her for nothing.

The remedy was letting my rage to go wild and tell her she was “uglier than a sow in the mire“. Thankfully it worked, because the girl cried and I could convince myself I was not too much in love with her anymore. From that day on I never felt anything for her again.

[JupiterTaco]

Me either. I had this idea in my head that we always had an unspoken thing, but obviously that means nothing.