Beat limerence - now empty. What now?

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
peter.rabbit
Posts: 325
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: Beat limerence - now empty. What now?

Post by peter.rabbit »

SomeGuy wrote:
Thu Jun 18, 2020 10:38 am
Haven't been on in ~ 1 year. My LO moved away and my limerence faded. Limited contact really helps! I still talk to her on professional level, but the limerent feelings are not present anymore. She is a friend now and not a LO; this part is a true success story about beating limerence.

So...now that she is gone, what now? I beat limerence and filled it with what? I still have the stress of marriage, mid-life, 2 teens, running a company, and of course all the 2020 crap gone wrong. But that is not what eats at me. Its the emptiness that I used to fill with limerence. Now its just empty, like my senses were dulled and I am sleepwalking through life. I feel like everyone needs me, but no one wants me. I am having trouble rejuvenating. With limerence, I would rejuvenate easily with the fantasy. Its gone, What now?
LC does really make a big difference, glad to hear you're LE has transitioned into a friendship. For me, LC is a relief...so much so that I actually hope NOT to have those chance encounters that I used to fantasize about having.


I feel like everyone needs me, but no one wants me
,


I had that feeling in my previous marriage, was in my early 40s at the time. Teenagers, wife of 15 years that was distant, non affectionate, a future LO not too far away...

Maybe now would be a good time to get some counseling, perhaps involve your wife so that she can understand and participate.
Weak people revenge.
Strong people forgive.
Intelligent people ignore.
-Albert Einstein

L-F
Posts: 3072
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Beat limerence - now empty. What now?

Post by L-F »

mycorona wrote:
Mon Sep 07, 2020 2:28 pm
It was some kind of drug to block out my life. When it's fully out of my system, my future frightens me.....
Hey mycorona, your post really touched me. I can empathize with the aging and wondering 'what next?'... anyway, just wanted to share I'm reading a book called 'The book of Ichigo Iche by Garcia & Miralles' which talks about reinventing ourselves and if our reality is too dull and predictable to live with ichigo ichie, we have the opportunity to create another. It lists 10 things one can do to create more meaningful moments in life, one moment at a time. It talks about the beauty of impermanence, time, and the secret to successful long-term relationships which is for couples to share many moments of ichigo ichie.

Ichigo ichie can be translated as 'Once, a meeting' and also as 'in this moment, an opportunity'.

I stumbled across a painting I fell in love with, with these simple words...
Inhale courage
Exhale fear


The future might be scary for me, but darn it, its equally exciting! I hope your days are filled with wonder, warmth and laughter. Many happy days to you Mycarona and SomeGuy
Learn to forgive...Life is too short to live with hate.
"Everything is within your power, and your power is within you." Janice Trachtman

mycorona
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2020 7:16 pm
Great Britain

Re: Beat limerence - now empty. What now?

Post by mycorona »

Thanks so much for your kindness L-F
I will search for the book you mention. It was good of you to think about my problem. I wish my LO had given me a second's thought before he 'bewitched' me. I am 10 years older than him so he should have been mature enough to let any feelings he had go. But no, he only thought of indulging his fantasies I guess and spent 8 months fishing for me and finally reeling me in, in order to throw me back in the river and here I am. Slowing coming out the other side of all that I hope because of LC. I'm sorry if I depressed anyone, the future just sometimes looms up in front of me like a set of stop lights and I become morose.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better today. Each day as it comes or as the song goes "one day at a time sweet Jesus"...
Me: F
LO: M
Both Married
“Invisible Threads are the Strongest Ties” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Rothko
Posts: 243
Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2014 10:01 pm

Re: Beat limerence - now empty. What now?

Post by Rothko »

I remember having a number of conversations about this issue.

You don't see it coming, but then there it is- this chasm that you didn't realise was the cause of the limerence in the first place! How do you even go about filling it?

I threw myself into writing: loads of short stories, a book, articles for anyone who was daft enough to pay me...that kept me good for a while. I also spent a lot more time with the kids and got involved with their hobbies more. My youngest wants to be a footballer (don't they all?) and I've found myself getting more and more into that over the last couple of years, helping to coach kids' teams and driving him about to different places.

Of course that didn't happen overnight- for a long time I was at a loss what to do exactly. It felt like there was a hole in my life that LO had filled, then when I realised that the last of the limerence had finally faded, there was nothing there to replace her. I've always loved being creative, but it took me ages to even muster the energy to start something along those lines.

I think ultimately, it's about needing to feel that we have a purpose. I know many people who, when they're not at work, spend their entire free time thinking and talking about work because it provides them with their whole, entire identity. I've never been like that- once I'm out of that door at 5 o'clock I've got the rest of my life to worry about, and I need a different kind of purpose away from the crap I have to do in order to pay the bills. It does take a lot of focus and determination though to drag yourself free of the ennui that typifies the stage you'd call post-limerence, so be prepared for more ups and downs.

Good luck!

mycorona
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Aug 05, 2020 7:16 pm
Great Britain

Re: Beat limerence - now empty. What now?

Post by mycorona »

@ Rothko
Yes, I did that, some years ago trying to forget another LO after a short affair. I wrote the book, wrote articles, etc and I was good at it (if I may say so). But that was a long time ago, 15 years. You know, I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that us LE's are sensitive and a lot of the time, creative people (hope that doesn't sound conceited). I've noticed this pattern before with Limerents. And I think we seem to be attracted to those who need our help emotionally. We want to 'mind' them and fill a void for them. We have a lot to give, if they would only ask for it. But I think that very depth frightens them. And there's a red flag right there if I ever see 'the vulnerability' again, I'll run...instead of thinking, oh, he's wounded - I can fix that. Well, no I can't - his mother or his father did that and now no one can fix it - NOT EVEN ME!!!

Wishing everyone on here a good, calm and peaceful day of non-limerence. :)
Me: F
LO: M
Both Married
“Invisible Threads are the Strongest Ties” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

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