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Here we are again...

Posted: Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:45 am
by Yesnomaybeso
It’s been a while since I’ve had the urge to post on here. It took about a year for me to get over my LO but if I’m honest “meeting” someone else helped the process along. Today the person I’ve been saying I love you to told me they in fact did not. That we are not suited for each other. Even though I admit that it’s true obviously I feel upset. This was purely an online relationship but I had every intention of flying over to meet irl next year. I know I’ll be able to get over this and the pain won’t be as bad as the past due to a better understanding but they were my support network, we talked everyday for six months. I feel that I have borderline personality disorder and it’s connected to limerence. I often tried to push him away... tested him, picked fights, told him I hated him one minute and loved him the next. He knew I had issues and wanted to help. But here we are.. he told me he can’t help me or himself. But we can still be friends. I can’t help but feel I’ll never be able to have a sane relationship. Whether it’s limerence or BPD.. I find it hard to let someone love me.

Re: Here we are again...

Posted: Mon Nov 11, 2019 4:12 am
by NoDayDreaming
i feel for you YesNo. we both started the journey about the same time. i'm sure you matured some since. i certainly have myself. Never say never, because you'll be wrong most of the times. we change. i'm somewhere on the BPD/BD/neuroticism spectrum myself and made a huge improvement. right now, when i take a personalty test, my neuroticism is about average (slightly above) while i was in 80+ percentile before. and it's not just me. if you look at the longitudinal studies on BPD, most people get better in 5-10 years. we keep changing and evolving.

so, you have a fear of rejection. it's still just a fear and we know how to treat it. by exposure therapy. you need to put yourself in situations that guaranties rejection, but on a small scale. say walk to the best looking man in the room and ask for a date. more extreme variant is approaching every man in a restaurant and offering your phone #. you get the drift. don't do that if you live in a small town, though.

i also believe when you adopt loving attitude to others, loving meaning unconditional kindness, when you can get there, your problems will be over.

Re: Here we are again...

Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2019 12:16 am
by Yesnomaybeso
Thanks for your reply nodaydreaming. Those statistics sound reassuring.