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Thin sliver of hope

Posted: Sun Nov 03, 2019 9:06 am
by Bluebell
Beneath everything I do and say there is a sliver of hope that LO will come back. I can't shake it as hard as I try. I woke up this morning and began analysing immediately the connection, how our names although different and unusual mean the same thing and our Birthdays are closely linked by this meaning also. Who cares or gives a damn, it means absolutely nothing, it certainly isn't the basis for a connection or anything. This is the hardest time for me, i want an acknowledgement that will not be given, I must just work my way through and reach some kind of peace. I want rid of it and the exhausting thoughts and restlessness. Promise to me: don't waste anymore time and tears on this, don't allow your heart to break. Be strong xx

Re: Thin sliver of hope

Posted: Sun Nov 03, 2019 11:31 am
by Pattihopeful
So sorry you are going through this Bluebell. I think it is all a part of this. In the LE, we look for signs we were meant to be. I have those too. It is so hard to stop doing that. We place so much weight on what LO feels about us so it would make sense you still hold out some hope. It's like the romantic movies where the guy realizes he wants the woman and comes running to her. I have read that rarely happens.

I go through the same thing since being rejected. I have to try so hard to counteract those thoughts. I long for him to say I am attractive and he really did have feelings for me. I am craving validation.

Hugs to you. You are not alone!!

Re: Thin sliver of hope

Posted: Sun Nov 03, 2019 6:02 pm
by Bluebell
Yes thank you Pattihopeful I am hungry for validation like you say. I will struggle until after Christmas now simply because he will not be in touch. It has been so long now I don't even know whether I'd play the game again, i have come so far and even if he wants to reach out to me it's probably the same story for him, we can never go back now and we have no future. It is simple and straightforward but so hard to come to terms with the void. I also really, really don't want to fill that void with another LE so I know I'm in the best place I can be right now too. Sorry for rambling on🙈xx

Re: Thin sliver of hope

Posted: Sun Nov 03, 2019 8:54 pm
by Bridget
BB, I don't know if that sliver of hope ever goes away completely. It's still in my mind, though I only think about it when my SO has disappointed me or done something especially aggravating.

The desire for validation, on the other hand, can be addressed and should be so you won't seek something else external to make you feel whole. The only solution that I know of is to become your own authority on who you are and what you are worth. It may require a lot of deprogramming of your current beliefs, but it's possible and helps tremendously. I'm still working on it, but that and NC go well together and help the LE fade over time.

Re: Thin sliver of hope

Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2019 1:17 am
by NoDayDreaming
BB,
IMHO, you need validation from SO, your friends and your family. also from yourself, hard to do, but possible via meditations and positive thinking.
you also need to resign that the LO will never ever give you what you need.

Re: Thin sliver of hope

Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2019 2:59 pm
by Maddie
NoDayDreaming wrote:
Mon Nov 04, 2019 1:17 am
you also need to resign that the LO will never ever give you what you need.
I needed to hear this too. This is hard to wrap my mind around, but to me, it is VERY true...yes, NEVER EVER.

Prayers for your healing and recovery, BB :ymhug: I hope you have some good support outside the forum too.

Re: Thin sliver of hope

Posted: Wed Nov 06, 2019 4:48 pm
by marko
Bluebell wrote:
Sun Nov 03, 2019 6:02 pm
Yes thank you Pattihopeful I am hungry for validation like you say. I will struggle until after Christmas now simply because he will not be in touch. It has been so long now I don't even know whether I'd play the game again, i have come so far and even if he wants to reach out to me it's probably the same story for him, we can never go back now and we have no future. It is simple and straightforward but so hard to come to terms with the void. I also really, really don't want to fill that void with another LE so I know I'm in the best place I can be right now too. Sorry for rambling on🙈xx
I imagine this the current mindset of those of us who are somewhat past. Validation--with not one bit of that on the horizon, you look back to where it came from and sense a future void. Trying to think past that is tough. How do you rewrite the notion you won't be validated, and to stay away from this form of validation. Been there, doing that :)