Just like last time, I'm playing devil's advocate here. Please have in mind that this is neither to attack you nor to preach. But I think there might be something you are probably not seeing and which I'd like to put on the table....
You listed not one, nor two, but SEVEN reasons for being angry with her. Wouldn't you say that, if that's how you feel, then it surely shows
? Wouldn't you say that the depth of your anger and resentment, even hatred (you used this word towards the end) is extreme? How could it not show such a level of anger?
Additionally, you have placed yourself as her victim.
Consider these sentences:
- LO has proven to have skillful mastery in breaking my balls, and putting my heart through a blender. She has an amazing talent for hurting me, and causing me pain
- kicking me while I was down, pouring salt in the wound, adding insult to injury, and rubbing shit in my face
- I was angry with LO for kicking me while I was down, pouring salt in the wound, adding insult to injury, and rubbing shit in my face
Wouldn't you agree that you are blaming her really, but really bad? I know those are just figures of speech, but, she didn't really do any of that (kicking you while you were down, putting your heart through a blender, pouring salt on a wound, etc...), so that fact that these are the words you choose to victimize yourself show the extreme depth of the blaming.
You are extremely angry at her, you blame her extremely, and you show it.
Is it honestly so off track that she's terrified of you?
Reading here about what you say she's doing to you, and the way you feel about it, I'm not at all surprised she is.
Maybe, deep down you don't think is that bad and justified, but if that's the case, I would recommend that you pay special attention at the way
you react and express your feelings.
I get it that here you are venting and this is a space where you can lash out, but these words are really extreme, so, maybe you are being this much expressive and you are letting the anger, resentment and blaming show just as well in your interactions with her (for instance, blasting the car stereo in front of her house).
In my informed but humble opinion, you need to modulate down the extreme way in which you respond to the things people do that affects you. And I tell you this based on your stories about the things both your SO and LO did to you, as well as some of your reactions in this forum.
Again, this is not an attack but something I think is critical
for you to see considering the course of events in your life and the lives of those around you.