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The End

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 1:38 pm
by Watchmaker
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Re: The End

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 4:51 pm
by NoDayDreaming
man, you are losing it! you need a break or vacation. go somewhere, please.

Re: The End

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 5:20 pm
by Watchmaker
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Re: The End

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 7:27 pm
by L-F
All I can say it's good to vent here. Hang in there!

Re: The End

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 8:33 pm
by JupiterTaco
WM, I really hope this turns around for you when they move. Neighbor situations are so awful. I still kick myself for not seeing mine coming. Heaven knows I've had enough bad neighbor experiences. At the last place I lived one older man lived next door and one above me who would monitor my comings and goings and constantly try to interrupt my plans. The one above me eventually graduated to knocking on my door at all hours and scaring my cats (I almost complained about him).

I dated a guy who was a friend of one of my other neighbors (and apparently had an ex in the building), who became insanely clingy and stalkerish right away and would show up at my apartment, at the pool, leave notes on my car, text twenty times, you name it he did it. It was soooo impossible to get away from this guy. For six months I lived two doors down from a psycho bitch who had a vendetta against me for taking her laundry out of the dryer after she left it in there so I could use it and I almost ended up in a fight that day. I remember the attitude of management, like we should be able to handle this ourselves and I was so pissed off.

For weeks, her and her friends would stand outside looking at my apartment and harass me when I went anywhere. I was thrilled when I realized she'd moved. So that's why under the best of circumstances I'm pretty wary of neighbors these days. The idea of living in the middle of nowhere sounds better every day.

Re: The End

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 11:51 pm
by NVTS
@WM:

As a Police fan I do like the way you indexed your post with Police songs. Someone on the board mentioned a while ago how well Sting writes songs about Limerence.

I feel for you man, I don’t know how most of you can keep it together when you’re exposed to your LO on any frequent basis like at work. To be neighbors with LO ——- HOLY SHI$!———-. There is a member named Cheena who pops up now and then, who’s in a similar situation. What a mindfuck!!

I agree with NDD; please take a vacation OR consider moving house yourself to get away from this toxic situation. Even if she moved to a different part of the neighborhood you will likely run into her sooner or later and also since the whole “village” seems to want to burn you at the stake.... consider your general sanity and safety.

Sending peace and strength your way wherever that may be!!

Re: The End

Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2019 12:02 am
by Bridget
WM, this is quite a story. I'm glad you're able to share it now and feel safe from danger of getting an RO!

I'm intrigued by your LO's SO's behavior. I'm sure he's no saint, but the fact that he didn't confront you really makes you wonder what kind of history they have.

Keep taking good care of yourself, brother. Good riddance!

Re: The End

Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2019 12:03 am
by MrSpock
Hi WM,

Just like last time, I'm playing devil's advocate here. Please have in mind that this is neither to attack you nor to preach. But I think there might be something you are probably not seeing and which I'd like to put on the table....

You listed not one, nor two, but SEVEN reasons for being angry with her. Wouldn't you say that, if that's how you feel, then it surely shows? Wouldn't you say that the depth of your anger and resentment, even hatred (you used this word towards the end) is extreme? How could it not show such a level of anger?

Additionally, you have placed yourself as her victim.

Consider these sentences:
  • LO has proven to have skillful mastery in breaking my balls, and putting my heart through a blender. She has an amazing talent for hurting me, and causing me pain
  • kicking me while I was down, pouring salt in the wound, adding insult to injury, and rubbing shit in my face
  • I was angry with LO for kicking me while I was down, pouring salt in the wound, adding insult to injury, and rubbing shit in my face
Wouldn't you agree that you are blaming her really, but really bad? I know those are just figures of speech, but, she didn't really do any of that (kicking you while you were down, putting your heart through a blender, pouring salt on a wound, etc...), so that fact that these are the words you choose to victimize yourself show the extreme depth of the blaming.

You are extremely angry at her, you blame her extremely, and you show it.

Is it honestly so off track that she's terrified of you?

Reading here about what you say she's doing to you, and the way you feel about it, I'm not at all surprised she is.

Maybe, deep down you don't think is that bad and justified, but if that's the case, I would recommend that you pay special attention at the way you react and express your feelings.
I get it that here you are venting and this is a space where you can lash out, but these words are really extreme, so, maybe you are being this much expressive and you are letting the anger, resentment and blaming show just as well in your interactions with her (for instance, blasting the car stereo in front of her house).

In my informed but humble opinion, you need to modulate down the extreme way in which you respond to the things people do that affects you. And I tell you this based on your stories about the things both your SO and LO did to you, as well as some of your reactions in this forum.
Again, this is not an attack but something I think is critical for you to see considering the course of events in your life and the lives of those around you.

Re: The End

Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2019 2:36 am
by NoDayDreaming
Watchmaker wrote:
Fri Nov 01, 2019 5:20 pm
NDD, nice Avatar avatar!
thanks for noticing. i thought it was hilarious, too. especially as i transformed myself into a non-daydreamer.

i'm worried about you.

i just heard this quote by GB Shaw:
When we want to read of the deeds of love, where do we turn?
...
...
...
To the murder column.
as soon as i heard that, i thought of you.

Re: The End

Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2019 5:16 pm
by Acrobatica
WM. I saw you deleted. I understand.

LO is a distraction. LO is not your real issue. LO is a stand in for some deep anger and grief you are holding and won’t let yourself have the appropriate outlet.

After over a year NC, I see how deeply misplaced my feelings for LO were. I am luckier than most in that I had a real partnership with LO where we verbalized discussions about trust, dependency, and control because our work was about those issues. LO hurt me because I wanted more than LO could give and I kept trying to get it. LO hurt me because he was like my mother just enough that it inflamed my attachment wound and I thought fixing him would fix everything.

I am also luckier than most because I have had true NC. LO moved away. I cut social media ties.

I know it’s hard. It feels impossible. I did not institute NC. LO did. And I am not sure I could have. But please know that LO is not the issue here. I am sure she treated you badly. She may not even be a good person. She may be a narc. But she is not the problem.

Sending you love, comfort, and peace. Hoping you find the real source of your anger and grief. Hoping you find a way to channel it all in a way that does not cause yourself or others harm. And know that it may take more time than you expect. It’s probably a lifetime of hurt built up.