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Getting over limerence feels like grieving a death

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:25 am
by Yesnomaybeso
Idk if anyone relates but the pain I felt when I went NC was like someone I held dear to me passed away and I was grieving for their death. I’ve only ever felt the same level of depression when I was getting off antidepressants. Doesn’t make sense though. I’m definitely getting over limerence but life feels way worse the further away I get from limerence because I now have to face the reality of my shitty life.

Re: Getting over limerence feels like grieving a death

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 3:55 pm
by Whatwasithinking
I couldn’t agree more. It really feels like a profound, deeply painful loss. Very much like a death. What makes this worse is that we’re both very much alive (thankfully), we just can’t be together.

Re: Getting over limerence feels like grieving a death

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 6:29 pm
by L-F
We experience grief when we experience a significant loss or change in life. Anything you walk away from that makes you feel less than whole.

A lot of people think death is related to grief, when in fact it includes (but not limited to)... retirement, illness, disability, weightloss, weight gain, affairs, identity, organizational restructuring, natural disasters, relationships, connections, the list goes on and on.

We are pretty much grieving all the time without awareness that its grief making us feel depressed, lethargic, anxious, wanting to overeat, over exercise, moody, insomnia, the list goes on and on.

We experience grief with our entire being is - it impacts our thoughts and behaviour, as well as physically, emotionally, even spiritually.

So yes! You are grieving.

Allow yourself time to grieve.

Re: Getting over limerence feels like grieving a death

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 6:59 pm
by L-F
Yesnomaybeso wrote:
Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:25 am
Doesn’t make sense though.
It makes plenty of sense. We grieve not only because we feel as though we've lost LO, but also because we've lost or losing the fantasy that kept our world intact.

We lose: LOs attention, feeling of importance, that we are liked, admired, stimulated mentally and/or intellectually, heard, seen, a sense of feeling safe... whatever LO did for/to us, it dies with NC.

We lose the fantasy and are forced back into reality - another death.

Our sense of ego and/or self perception changes. We see ourselves in the mirror for the first time and either like or dislike what we see - a significant change to our identity.

We see our life without the rose tinted glasses for the first time - our perception, awareness and understanding of others change.

Our perception, awareness and understanding of our past and present life changes.

We are no longer the same person - yet another significant change.

I often say we have to go gently on ourselves during reawakening process, and its important to sit with our feelings. Even the yuck stuff.

Much strength to you.

Re: Getting over limerence feels like grieving a death

Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 8:51 pm
by daydreamer
when LE is alive and well, our brains are flooded with dopamine. when it's over, we are in a chemical withdrawal. which means it'll get better withing a couple of weeks. psychological addiction aspect of LE is much worse. we'll never forget the euphoria or the triggers.
I personally took antidepressants in the first weeks and it helped.

Re: Getting over limerence feels like grieving a death

Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2019 1:05 am
by JohnDeux
Yeah....just adding to what L-F and others have said. When you are done and out the other side of this thing, I suspect you will see it as a transformation of sorts.....like a caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly. Those are strenuous and stressful transformations and in the case of post-limerence, you will possibly feel like you've shed some prior 'skin' that no longer has productive purpose for you. When we lose something that was, at once time, an important aspect of our being that helped us to survive, there will be grieving of the loss of that particular persona.