I believe the same. And in any case there is absolutely NO way I think I could honestly go through with it, unless we were both free and single. Because if he freely admits he is never going to leave, then the only reason he would be doing it would be to have his cake and eat it too, and no way am I up for that. In fact, even if we were free and single, I'm not sure I would trust him not to have some fun with me for a few months, and then get bored.ReeledIn wrote: ↑Mon Sep 17, 2018 8:40 pm
I do believe men's brains change after sex. Once they get what they want a few times...it's no longer as exciting (especially in these high intensity, secret situations).
I am surprised his wife isn't suspicious yet.
I hope he realizes that he IS actually in an affair...an emotional affair..which many wives view as worse than a physical affair. (Just ask NVTS).
If there is any way you can possibly go NC...I do believe that's the only way you can get over this....I know you probably won't. ..but I just don't see any other way. You have passed the friendship line. This is not a friendship in my book. Friendships don't include romance.
I should have added more info: WAS in an emotional affair. I ended things with him about 3 weeks ago, which was what brought me to this forum in the first place. He had another meltdown about feeling guilty and I told him to stay away from me then. Now we are purely like acquaintances. Well, I am. He keeps slipping and firing off bunches of texts to me, or calling me. When he does, I respond politely answering questions, or letting it go to voicemail. My problem and the reason I am here is because I am keeping him at arms length, whilst still not able to get him out of my head, and the constant attention-bombing followed by crickets is making me crazy. I think quite a few men have very black and white views of things and believe if they are not having sex they are not cheating. I think that is how they justify things to themselves.
I have no idea if his wife is suspicious or not. I know my husband has questioned things a few times, and even asked to see my phone. I willingly showed him and when he looked at it, there was absolutely nothing because there IS absolutely nothing. No evidence at all. There were things like him asking me for a plumber recomendation. Him telling me about his daughter's volleyball tournament (I asked him to keep me posted on how she did). Me asking to borrow a hand saw. And the odd offer of a coffee or a bike ride. The only honest convos we have had about our feelings have all been in person. Nothing ever written down. My husband knows we have hiked together many times. He knows where we are, where we are going and when I'll be back. He hates hiking so it doesn't bother him, in fact he's happier that I'm not alone. Sometimes we hike with other people in a group too.
I think you are right - NC will be the only way and I am trying to build up to that. It is too hard to go cold turkey with him, so instead I am using tricks and tips to step back. So far it is kind of working. Things are way less intense than they were. Because of our circumstances, NC is going to be virtually impossible, but LC is definitely doable.