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Coping thread for those in regular, close proximity to LO (work, school, etc)

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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ReeledIn
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Coping thread for those in regular, close proximity to LO (work, school, etc)

Post by ReeledIn » Thu Sep 13, 2018 4:18 am

I have just been wanting to start this thread. Most of you know I work with LO/exAP(for now). Just thought I would start a thread for those of us who need to cope and hopefully move ON while in this situation, whether it be temporary or with no end in sight.

Many would say we all need to exit this situation as quickly as possible. I tend to agree....but for now many of us are stuck until we find out way out. This is for us.

I will write more when I can. I hope to hear from others...even newbies to the forum.
47yo female, LO/ex PA partner is 54, single dad & coworker
LE started June 2016, PA started Dec 2016
LC began June 2017
Now reconciled with wonderful SO


For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

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NaturalezaMuerta
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Re: Coping thread for those in regular, close proximity to LO (work, school, etc)

Post by NaturalezaMuerta » Thu Sep 13, 2018 5:22 am

@Reeledin, Great idea! It is a special type of hell to work with an LO, particularly if you otherwise love your job. The best we can do is LC and the chances of re-ignition of LE is always present. I am currently dealing with LO in pure victim mode, which is triggering and enraging. It seems that every time we have a conversation (all work related) we both end up upset or annoyed. Yesterday we were arguing for about an hour (we both have long commutes) and I off-hardly asked him to please take the rest of his stuff out of the office. He actually decided to go to the office at night and clean up all his stuff. I kind of felt bad, and my admin assistant noticed and told me “That is K always doing extra stuff. It’s part of his deal” Today I called him to clarify an issue and basically asked me if I was just being “extra-hard” on him 8-| . It seems that now, unless I am in full nurturing mode, he gets sad and resentful. I am working extra hard to not let it bother me. When I communicate via email the same pattern is present. Talking has no effect. X( I need to put and stick to my boundaries and realize he is a grown-ass man that can take care of himself. I need to remember not my monkey, not my circus. [-(
They are not responding to you and you are not responding to them. *-:)

ReeledIn
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Re: Coping thread for those in regular, close proximity to LO (work, school, etc)

Post by ReeledIn » Thu Sep 13, 2018 6:10 am

Hey, NM! Glad to "see" you. I thought of you as I created this thread naturally. So ur LO works in a different building, but is one of your peers with whom you must interact, correct? (I know he was previously a direct report.) Is there any way to limit the amount of interaction and keep it to a bare minimum? Are you already doing that?
47yo female, LO/ex PA partner is 54, single dad & coworker
LE started June 2016, PA started Dec 2016
LC began June 2017
Now reconciled with wonderful SO


For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

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NaturalezaMuerta
Posts: 248
Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:41 am
Mexico

Re: Coping thread for those in regular, close proximity to LO (work, school, etc)

Post by NaturalezaMuerta » Thu Sep 13, 2018 6:26 am

ReeledIn wrote:
Thu Sep 13, 2018 6:10 am
Hey, NM! Glad to "see" you. I thought of you as I created this thread naturally. So ur LO works in a different building, but is one of your peers with whom you must interact, correct? (I know he was previously a direct report.) Is there any way to limit the amount of interaction and keep it to a bare minimum? Are you already doing that?
Thanks! He works in another office altogether but the nature of his role and mine demand collaboration and contact. I am getting better at limiting contact, sometimes spending days without talking to him. I’m trying desperately to disengage and slowly getting better at it. I am practically kicking him out of our office space now. When things get hard I think of you and your desire to change jobs. Ultimately that may be what I need to do but I hope that working through this will help me be at peace without leaving. ;)
They are not responding to you and you are not responding to them. *-:)

MetsFan
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Re: Coping thread for those in regular, close proximity to LO (work, school, etc)

Post by MetsFan » Thu Sep 13, 2018 8:01 am

I work with my LO. We sit next to each other in an open plan office. I’m one of the most senior people at the firm, she’s one of the most junior. It was at the height of the infatuation stage of this LE that I gave her a better job (and “rescued” her).

So now I’m stuck - I need her to make a success of this in order for me to not look like my decision making is poor, but she really needs my direction and training to do that. So we talk often during the day, we make each other laugh and there’s still a strong spark between us. But I know now what this is and I want it to end. My SO is putting more effort into our marriage and I really want to respond fully, but I really like LO and don’t want to abandon her either.

In terms of coping I’ve done a few things. 1. We used to communicate all the time on WhatsApp. Evenings, weekends, vacations. I’ve pulled back on that and she has too now. It’s a big help. Communication is now verbal or through our internal system, which keeps it more professional. 2. I’ve got her working with a couple of other people who I’m hoping take her under their wing a bit. Double edged sword though as I get jealous when I see her with other guys! 3. Acting more boss like around her, and trying to switch my thoughts of her into work related thoughts.

I could move her on to another team or even fire her but I realise now this is my problem, not hers, and that would be awfully unfair.

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Re: Coping thread for those in regular, close proximity to LO (work, school, etc)

Post by L-F » Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:07 am

Setting boundaries is really important...
LS often have weak boundaries when it comes to LO

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-tips-fo ... s-at-work/


 https://www.inc.com/dana-gionta-dan-gue ... -work.html
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

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