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Has Anyone Successfully Transitioned from Limerence to Affectionate Bonding?

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
MrSpock
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Re: Has Anyone Successfully Transitioned from Limerence to Affectionate Bonding?

Post by MrSpock » Wed Apr 18, 2018 4:25 pm

MajorProblemo wrote:
Wed Apr 18, 2018 3:55 pm
Also, Spock, I am a big fan of Douglas Adams and have all his books. Remember, I was a nerd! But now I'm sooooo cool.
LOL. I remember :)

Since you are also a nerd, you will find this, which I just thought it was related, interesting:

In the area of the Theory of Knowledge, there is this thing called "Gettier Problem" [1], in which someone just incidentally happens to know something without it being a "Justified True Belief", which is the canonical account of knowledge. The "Gettier Cases" of knowledge are independent and regardless of the usual reasons by which we get to know things.
Likewise, beings friends and falling in love go through completely different paths, so one just incidentally can concur with the other (though usually, infatuation goes directly against the development of friendship). So is not really like limerence, or infatuation, "transitions" into friendship. That on itself cannot happen. It can only happen that friendship develops besides and despite of that.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gettier_problem

JupiterTaco
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Re: Has Anyone Successfully Transitioned from Limerence to Affectionate Bonding?

Post by JupiterTaco » Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:17 pm

You mean with an LO or just anyone? Either way, I can answer with a resounding no.
"God grant me the serenity, to just remember who I am"-Games People Play by Joe South

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David
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Re: Has Anyone Successfully Transitioned from Limerence to Affectionate Bonding?

Post by David » Thu Apr 19, 2018 6:21 am

MajorProblemo wrote:
Wed Apr 18, 2018 3:55 pm
I thought the author was deluded too. He's suffering from Limerence, and seems clueless about it.
Same goes for most therapists / psychologists - they are clueless about limerence =)) =)) =))
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Chuck
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Re: Has Anyone Successfully Transitioned from Limerence to Affectionate Bonding?

Post by Chuck » Thu Apr 19, 2018 5:17 pm

MrSpock wrote:
Wed Apr 18, 2018 3:04 pm

It's exactly the same here. If you wanted to be friends with LO, you would be friends already. But that's not really what you want, so being friends with her will not work, as is not satisfying you, just as not being with her at all doesn't.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phrases_f ... thing_(42)
I think that MrSpock encapsulates it perfectly. The stated desire to be friends is just an excuse to keep LO around.
It all lines up with David's pub analogy and the fact that we are dealing with an addiction.

In a similar vein, try it this way.
What you are saying is, " I am currently a heroin addict. It is my hope to one day stop being an addict, although I would really like it if I could still enjoy a little heroin now and again. I can't imagine not having heroin in my life"
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying

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Spinnaker
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Re: Has Anyone Successfully Transitioned from Limerence to Affectionate Bonding?

Post by Spinnaker » Thu Apr 19, 2018 7:19 pm

@Chuck So are you saying David couldn't be friends with his LO? I think he's done enough heavy lifting that he could if he wanted.

Seems like those who do the heavy lifting, as in dedicating themselves for a couple years of self work, have the self awareness to make the choice whether or not they care to appreciate friendship with ex-LO.

Think of how many drug counselors are former addicts.... there is a level of playing with fire by counseling addicts. In time, with dedicated resolve, a person can have the self control and self knowledge to navigate our own lives awake, alive and able to appreciate the gifts offered within the confines of an appropriate friendship with clear boundaries.
Last edited by Spinnaker on Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"I'll become what I deserve".

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Re: Has Anyone Successfully Transitioned from Limerence to Affectionate Bonding?

Post by L-F » Thu Apr 19, 2018 7:43 pm

Spinnaker wrote:
Thu Apr 19, 2018 7:19 pm
@Chuck So are you saying David couldn't be friends with his LO? I think he's done enough heavy lifting that he could if he wanted.

Think of how many drug counselors are former addicts.... there is a level of playing with fire by counseling addicts. In time, with dedicated resolve, a person can have the self control and self knowledge to navigate our own lives awake, alive and able to appreciate the gifts offered within the confines of an appropriate friendship with clear boundaries.
My hero! :x
Its not a projection, its a 'perjection' since all perceptions are projections which are neither valid nor invalid, and once shared, are open to being explored by others.
Enright (1980).

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Chuck
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Re: Has Anyone Successfully Transitioned from Limerence to Affectionate Bonding?

Post by Chuck » Thu Apr 19, 2018 9:05 pm

Spinnaker wrote:
Thu Apr 19, 2018 7:19 pm
@Chuck So are you saying David couldn't be friends with his LO? I think he's done enough heavy lifting that he could if he wanted.
I was actually addressing MajorProblemo and the initial question, and from there, agreeing with MrSpock. When you are limerent, saying that you want to be friends with LO is a red herring. You don't want want to be friends. Not really.

Only if/when you are truly and completely "cured" could you make that assessment.
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying

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Spinnaker
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Re: Has Anyone Successfully Transitioned from Limerence to Affectionate Bonding?

Post by Spinnaker » Sat Apr 21, 2018 12:05 am

:ymcowboy:
"I'll become what I deserve".

Ben Howard

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