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Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
AllisonM
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 6:40 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by AllisonM » Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:42 pm

So yeah, and I'm pretty upset. It's his first baby, and they haven't even been together that long. I haven't even been able to face him at work. I've actually been acting pretty bitchy to him. I wish I could go NC, but like I said, we work together. Any suggestions for how to deal with this?I want to apologize for being a bitch, but I don't want to disclose. I'm just not sure what to do. Help!
Last edited by AllisonM on Mon Apr 16, 2018 9:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 2820
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by JupiterTaco » Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:47 pm

Is there any way you can try to focus on other things? I had a monotonous job with my former LO that made it impossible to stop thinking during the day which is one of many reasons I ended up leaving. It was good for me in the long run.
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions, yeah,"-Madonna, 4 Minutes

Oh and...it's also a proverb... :-\

marko
Posts: 1273
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by marko » Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:52 pm

Mourn a bit and keep thinking he's not yours. Do it as often as you are able and don't be hard on yourself when you fail. If it goes on, just keep asking why. What is it you need that you think you can get from him.

AllisonM
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 6:40 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by AllisonM » Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:54 pm

Should I even bother apologizing for my bitchiness?

marko
Posts: 1273
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by marko » Mon Apr 16, 2018 7:12 pm

Up to you, but we also tend to think that how we are actually registers with this person. So he may not notice. I tortured myself overthinking my every action will make or break our friendship.

AllisonM
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 6:40 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by AllisonM » Mon Apr 16, 2018 7:20 pm

Thank you.

L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by L-F » Mon Apr 16, 2018 7:38 pm

Its difficult when we find out things about LOs life that doesn't leave room for us. Almost as if we are being abandoned. Look into the feelings you are experiencing and ask yourself 'where does the pain come from?' We see LO and use them as the scapegoat for our pain when in actual fact, it goes deeper than that.

If you rationalize it, you can see that one ought to be happy for LO if you really loved him, because loving someone authentically, means seeing them happy makes our heart sing. Seeing them happy while under the limerence spell is pure hell and conjures up all kinds of feeling like abandonment, jealousy, contempt, self-loathing, shame, etc.

Perhaps view this as a step in the right direction. You'll get thru this.
Just breathe...

townshend
Posts: 807
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am
United States of America

Re: Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by townshend » Mon Apr 16, 2018 11:23 pm

AllisonM wrote:
Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:54 pm
Should I even bother apologizing for my bitchiness?
I’d say no. Just focus on you. He might not even notice or if he does might not think it’s as bad as you feel about it. But you don’t owe LO anything and it’ll just break your LC which I’ve found to be the one thing that works, in conjunction with doing the inside work.
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

Pudding
Posts: 608
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am
Canada

Re: Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by Pudding » Tue Apr 17, 2018 1:45 am

Big big hugs Allison. I've been there. Almost a year ago (has it really been a year already?!?!) I found out the same about my LO. I had been limerent for him for a year and a half at that point, so I was in deep. Worst thing was, I found out by seeing a baby seat in his car, but not many other people knew and I couldn't even ask him because it wouldn't have been appropriate. So I sat with the knowledge until it was confirmed and it was really painful. I knew he had a girlfriend but I didn't think it was that serious and for some reason, I felt very hurt and abandoned somehow. The baby was born shortly after I found out, he was off for a few weeks, and I felt insanely jealous. Who gets jealous of a baby? But then I slowly started feeling like, "He's just a regular guy now, changing diapers. Nothing exciting!" It help me start to see him as something other than wonderful and amazing and tempting.

I do know how you feel and it seems like a betrayal even though it has nothing to do with you. I hope you can try to use it as something to spur you forward :ymhug:
F 37
LO is M 34, my son’s teacher

AllisonM
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 6:40 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Just found out my LO's SO is pregnant.

Post by AllisonM » Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:44 am

Thanks guys.
Pudding- same thing. He hasn't really told anyone. He's been flirting with me and then I find out his girl is 7 months pregnant.
Now I'm afraid they're going to get married. This is stupid, because I have an SO of my own. I wish it would go away.

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