3 days no contact & ...

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howdidthishappen
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon May 15, 2017 12:35 pm

3 days no contact & ...

Post by howdidthishappen » Fri May 19, 2017 5:45 pm

3 days NC & last night I decided to give my DW an explanation of what's being going on with my emotional roller coaster

She was aware that I'd been back in contact with my LO but not to the extent that I had (I didn't disclose just how much I'd seen her)
She said she knew something was up & assumed it had to be to do with LO but she listened & was incredibly supportive & understanding
Even today at work I received messages of support from DW telling me everything will be ok & not to worry (I'm not sure how can I possibly deserve someone like this when my mind works the way it does ...)

So today has felt quite emotional having DW aware of the situation & feeling like I can move on from all this

That was until just now ... when I received a text from LO asking how I am & wishing me a lovely weekend ...
I was never not going to answer so I waited 30 mins before texting back, thanking her & wishing her a good weekend too

How on earth does a simple text message result in so much chaos & confusion in my little brain ?!

AMA210
Posts: 1325
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: 3 days no contact & ...

Post by AMA210 » Fri May 19, 2017 7:14 pm

@howdidthishapoen: "How on earth does a simple text message result in so much chaos & confusion in my little brain ?!"

Today is 6 weeks NC (no interaction with him, but still seeing him around). In the midst of LE, anything to do with LO will trigger us. A picture, a FB post, a text. Our limer-brain still interprets it as a hit, no matter how small or how big. My interpretation of that text is this: "she is thinking about me enough to want to send me a text and wish me a good weekend, which means that she does care for me, because otherwise why bother. If I don't text her back, she might get mad and I don't want that, so I am just being polite by returning the thought."

Does she know that you are trying NC with her?
Have you told her not to contact you?
If you have told her and she is ignoring that, then all that means is that she is ignoring your needs by being selfish about hers.

I would advise refraining from telling DW about every detail and every text or email. The more you say the more irritated they become.

JellyBean
Posts: 1678
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am

Re: 3 days no contact & ...

Post by JellyBean » Fri May 19, 2017 8:56 pm

What's more important?

Your wife? Or your LO?

Once you have an answer, place your energy there.
Just call me LF, short for Limerent Friend.

howdidthishappen
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon May 15, 2017 12:35 pm

Re: 3 days no contact & ...

Post by howdidthishappen » Fri May 19, 2017 10:12 pm

Omg Aquamarine, what are you doing in my head ?!? Lol

It was actually her that suggested backing off as she feared she was sending mixed messages & thought a break would help us clear our heads (no chance !)

We'd spoken via an email earlier in the week (via text) following an automated email that I had to forward over to her, but otherwise NC since

I genuinely think she's just checking I was ok as I looked after her when she split from her fella a couple of months ago so feels she should (knowing that I'm having a hard time not seeing her) but no, I've not told her to cease contact as, if I'm honest, I probably didn't want her too ....


And Limerentfriend, when you put it like that, it should be simple.

AMA210
Posts: 1325
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm

Re: 3 days no contact & ...

Post by AMA210 » Sat May 20, 2017 1:21 am

howdidthishappen wrote:
Fri May 19, 2017 10:12 pm
Omg Aquamarine, what are you doing in my head ?!? Lol
LOL....I have done this "deep analysis" of exactly what LO meant for the past year, not to mention having memorized every conversation and interaction that has occurred.

It was actually her that suggested backing off as she feared she was sending mixed messages & thought a break would help us clear our heads (no chance !)
We'd spoken via an email earlier in the week (via text) following an automated email that I had to forward over to her, but otherwise NC since
If you need to send email that is work-related, than that is ok. But, continuing with texts just adds matches to the flame. I would like to know her definition of "mixed messages". My LO (a male) was the master of mixed signals.

I genuinely think she's just checking I was ok as I looked after her when she split from her fella a couple of months ago so feels she should (knowing that I'm having a hard time not seeing her) but no, I've not told her to cease contact as, if I'm honest, I probably didn't want her too ....
Yes, given the choice between contact and none, the winner every time is contact. I completely understand. I have been where you are. Even though I am NC, my brain continues to want the most insignificant of hits, a passing glance.....it totally sucks....but even that will fade away and then it will be complete NC. It's a process just like everything else. It takes time.

And Limerentfriend, when you put it like that, it should be simple.
It should be this simple, but it isn't. You may say it's DW, but you know it's LO. It's a lie we tell ourselves over and over until we believe it as the truth. I don't know if you have read any of my posts, but all of my journey is here on this forum. I was in LE deeply. If I can help you, please send me a PM.

:) Aqua

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