Steps I am taking.

[PhoenixJB]

Thank you Acrobatica <3

It dawned on me he must have gone and manually deleted all his likes and comments on all my posts, too! That doesn't just happen automatically when you unfollow someone or remove them from your followers, or even when you block them. What the heck??!!

What a baby!!

Im still getting up my courage to unfriend him....

[PhoenixJB]

Fuuuuuuuuuck. I messaged him. To which he responded, fairly politely, while still blaming me (I was only shitty when you were shitty first).... and I responded again, and he hasnt' read it.

fuuuuuuuck.

*(&(^*^&&%^%%%^&*(*(())()&&*%&^$&^$^&$

[Maddie]

it'll always be the same with these dudes, Phoenix! we always seem to care so much more, make so much more meaning, and want for more. they don't fit the bill (or the projection). I should probably count my lucky stars that the LO did not push for more. it would be a very sad and uncertain future filled with insecurities (waaaaay more than what is present now).

[PhoenixJB]

Messaging him ruined the few moments of peace I had been starting to feel.

I think I'll regain the peace more quickly this time, but... I set myself back. And I wish I hadn't. His response was only the same old, same old. Lies, blame, and narcissistic manipulations. Nothing will ever change with him.

Well. I guess something has to change with me then. I have to let him go and move forward. He brings out a toxicity in me that other partners and people do not... he truly is like a drug, and I know well that I'm an addict. It is up to ME to STOP.

Please gods give me the strength....

[Maddie]

I guess something has to change with me then.

you can do it. the slip-ups just remind us that the stove is still hot and I think they help us have moments of clarity where we say...this is not how I want to spend my precious life.

[Cookie]

Please gods give me the strength....

Yep! I've reached for a higher power many, many, many times in this last bout...and I'm not even sure what religion/faith/belief system I have!

But yeah...it feels good to take the pressure off yourself and do a "hand to god(s)" with this.

Sending you strength today, Phoenix. And myself too.

[WishMagick]

Sometimes the universe presents you with the same thing in a different package, to see if you've learned your lesson.

Sometimes I think this too. This current LO#5 reminds me so much of the dynamic that I had with LO#1. He was the strongest case of limerence I've had, as it was super intense and lasted basically a decade. If I keep making the wrong decisions, I will end up carrying on with this that long with this one too. I obviously haven't learned my lesson and I am starting to see so many things repeat.

I keep hoping that I will see a drastic change in my thought process once current LO moves, which I really hope is sooner rather than later.

This relapse of mine has me back in the crazy stages I was in late last year. But this time it's WAY crazier because I am not even interacting with him much anymore!

[PhoenixJB]

Well.. I unfollowed him and removed him from my followers. That's the only social media we are connected on, is Instagram.

I was down at the park today, bbq'ing with friends, and met this woman... she started for some reason telling me about her past. She said "omg I never do this.... I'm not sure why I'm telling you" As she told me, how she was suckered in by this guy and abused, I started crying. She scooted closer. We started talking more and I told her all about LO2. She said "girl, run" and she told me more about her past. She explained to me the psychology and what he is doing... all of which I know, of course. All of which multiple friends have explained to me, people on this forum have repeated the same, etc. But never was I willing to let go of him until this lady told me her story. She said if he acted this way the very first weekend we met, and all the other stuff he was doing, pointed to some very disturbing psychological issues and she was worried for me. I was crying. Because i know she and everyone else are telling the truth, and I know it's the truth too. I know in my head, but my heart is a different story and because of my feelings I have been unwilling to let him go. But I right there in the park, in front of her, removed him from my followers and unfollowed him. She and everyone else seem to think I will hear from him again at some point, although I personally highly doubt it. So... it's done.

I'm devastated, heart broken, but... I finally see the light and won't, can't allow him to treat me this way. So. Happy freedom day.... go me.. yay...

[Acrobatica]

I am so happy to read this post from you Phoenix.

I believe that there are people in the world who sometimes serve as angels- under whatever belief system you want.

I am glad you had this conversation in a human way that resonated with you. I know I had to have multiple people point out how badly LO treated me multiple times to truly see it.

Sending you good healing thoughts.

[Cookie]

I agree with Acro that people appear in our lives for a reason. I’m so glad this person came into yours right now, Phoenix! Let it sink in.