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Help! How did you survive NC?
Help! How did you survive NC?
I've told some of my story before. I have a professional relationship with my LO. He is actually really nice and a good person, but I am under no illusion that he is attracted to me. I can tell when a man is attracted to me, and he isn't. He seems to like me but he doesn't flirt, check me out, nothing like that. I am very cautious to not show my attraction. I do not interact with him that often, but the indifference I perceive from him is causing me pain and I cannot disclose because I do not think it would be fair to dump that on him and make him feel bad or awkward. I have finally found a legitimate way to go NC without anyone asking a lot of questions, or inconveniencing myself or others.
But this fills me with anxiety. It is so final. I would never see or speak with him again. I will need to leave some contact info in case it is needed but he won't contact me, and I only have his work phone and email, which I would never use.
For those who went NC, how did you get through it and move on? I cry every time I think about it. Please share your NC moving on experience. I will need a lot of support on this one. Thank you.
But this fills me with anxiety. It is so final. I would never see or speak with him again. I will need to leave some contact info in case it is needed but he won't contact me, and I only have his work phone and email, which I would never use.
For those who went NC, how did you get through it and move on? I cry every time I think about it. Please share your NC moving on experience. I will need a lot of support on this one. Thank you.
Re: Help! How did you survive NC?
Hey Selene! First, a question: are you married or in a committed relationship?
Yes, for some reason, thinking "forever" is very painful. I don't think of it as forever. I think of it as one day at a time. Also, I know it's painful...the overwhelming sadness and anxiety. But what is probably more painful is the repercussions of acting out on limerent feelings (where I'm at now). In other words feel your feelings instead of trying to run from them. Running from them never helps. I know, easier said than done!! Do you have a hobby or interest other than the LO? Maybe you could get lost in a hobby or something to take your mind off of this man. Exercise always boosts endorphins...and lastly, prayer/meditation is powerful and seek therapy if you can...
and you may want to figure out what you would do IF he contacts you. I didnt think my LO would reach out to me, but he did. It was an ecstatic moment-- back then-- the proper thing was to ignore that message. and you made a wonderful statement-- that you have a chance for NC.
welcome back!! keep posting. feels good not to be alone in this.
Yes, for some reason, thinking "forever" is very painful. I don't think of it as forever. I think of it as one day at a time. Also, I know it's painful...the overwhelming sadness and anxiety. But what is probably more painful is the repercussions of acting out on limerent feelings (where I'm at now). In other words feel your feelings instead of trying to run from them. Running from them never helps. I know, easier said than done!! Do you have a hobby or interest other than the LO? Maybe you could get lost in a hobby or something to take your mind off of this man. Exercise always boosts endorphins...and lastly, prayer/meditation is powerful and seek therapy if you can...
and you may want to figure out what you would do IF he contacts you. I didnt think my LO would reach out to me, but he did. It was an ecstatic moment-- back then-- the proper thing was to ignore that message. and you made a wonderful statement-- that you have a chance for NC.
welcome back!! keep posting. feels good not to be alone in this.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: Help! How did you survive NC?
Hi Maddie. Thank you for your kind words! No, I am single. I do have some hobbies and they offer me some distraction, but I am worried about what will happen when the weather gets colder and I cannot do the things I enjoy doing outdoors. I have not even told my therapist about this because I am too embarrassed to even tell a therapist!!
Question - what do you mean by acting out on limerent feelings?
Question - what do you mean by acting out on limerent feelings?
Re: Help! How did you survive NC?
Mostly I'm referring to physical intimacy (i know i'm being vague) or disclosure of feelings/desires while married. it's pretty painful on the other side of that, with deep regret and all. What are some of the reasons that you do not want to pursue a relationship with LO?
and also, yes, talk to a therapist! don't be ashamed. my T did not know what limerence was, lol, but now he is so supportive. I am so grateful for him.
and also, yes, talk to a therapist! don't be ashamed. my T did not know what limerence was, lol, but now he is so supportive. I am so grateful for him.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: Help! How did you survive NC?
Rember, you are doing this to try and feel better. It is very hard to cut this loose as its what you are holding onto to get through the day. What are you really letting go of? What of yourself is wrapped in holding on? Going NC can become the catalyst that gets you to where you need to go. I don't know if it's the same for all, but it isn't pleasant--you probably know that as it's the anxiety of doing so. As you survive NC can replace the LO with why you go there to begin with. You need to do this and you will survive.
Re: Help! How did you survive NC?
Hi marko, thank you for the support. Just hearing that it will get better is helpful. I think it is so strange that I can become so torn up by someone I do not even have a relationship with. I suppose through NC I can better understand the driving forces behind these feelings.
Re: Help! How did you survive NC?
Maddie, the most important reason is that there are unwritten professional boundaries that I do not believe LO would risk crossing (sorry, now I am being vague LOL), even after I transfer. But I do not think it matters anyway, since I feel certain that he isn't attracted to me. Sometimes I am tempted to take subtle things he does and interpret them as signals, but I do not allow myself to do that.
Im glad you found a therapist you are comfortable with. I am going to keep searching for someone. I never realized how difficult it would be to discuss this with other people. Even on here.
Im glad you found a therapist you are comfortable with. I am going to keep searching for someone. I never realized how difficult it would be to discuss this with other people. Even on here.
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Re: Help! How did you survive NC?
In my case, I got a new job I liked better and eventually moved to a place where I wanted to live, so that's what helped me. It also helps to try to find something that interests you as much if not more than LO does.
"Tell me...how many times did you have sex with him?" Griselda, Cocaine Godmother
"Six, why?" Affair partner
"Because that's how many times I'm going to shoot you," Griselda
"Six, why?" Affair partner
"Because that's how many times I'm going to shoot you," Griselda
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