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Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Discussion about the way back.
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WishMagick
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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by WishMagick »

Oh and I don't know how I felt about him before I became limerent for him - I took one glance at him and I was INSTANTLY limerent. There was no time at all to have any "normal" reaction or feelings about him.

I saw him, I began obsessing about him instantly.

I don't know what my default is for this guy. I don't know what I would have ever thought of him without limerence there.
It's really messed up.
I'm Married - with two children
LO is married - with two children
(He lives next door) Partially disclosed - NC is in full force

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

Idiotic
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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by Idiotic »

Woah. I hope you DID NOT send him any letters. It'll just make things awkward and you say your kids are friends and stuff.
Better to just fight the feeling until you don't give a shit about him.. better even try transference for a while. Cos sorting out LE core stuff take a hell lot of time. So you can try these small measures in the meantime. But DONT disclose.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

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WishMagick
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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by WishMagick »

Idiotic wrote:
Tue Mar 03, 2020 4:34 pm
I hope you DID NOT send him any letters.
I don't communicate with him. So, no. Nothing sent.
I'm Married - with two children
LO is married - with two children
(He lives next door) Partially disclosed - NC is in full force

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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WishMagick
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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by WishMagick »

I'm finding it's easier for me to feel mild contempt for LO.

Maybe it's not fair to him, but, I wouldn't say anything directly mean or disrespectful to him because of it.

Feeling mildly negative feelings towards him makes me feel like I am not limerent and I like that feeling!

I would rather feel this way than feel like I love him.

Right now I see him as a socially inept child, and I don't want to talk to him or see him. I am ok with thinking this. It keeps me focused on myself and my family and not him and his.
I'm Married - with two children
LO is married - with two children
(He lives next door) Partially disclosed - NC is in full force

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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David
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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by David »

I came to feel compassion for LO, after she was a mirror for me
Do you want help with limerence from the founder of this site?
I'm a qualified counsellor, psychotherapist, medical practitioner and leadership coach.
To book a session see http://loverelations.co.uk/on-line-support-for-limerence-from-dr-david-perl/

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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by peter.rabbit »

WishMagick wrote:
Fri Mar 13, 2020 6:59 pm
I'm finding it's easier for me to feel mild contempt for LO.

Maybe it's not fair to him, but, I wouldn't say anything directly mean or disrespectful to him because of it.

Feeling mildly negative feelings towards him makes me feel like I am not limerent and I like that feeling!

I would rather feel this way than feel like I love him.

Right now I see him as a socially inept child, and I don't want to talk to him or see him. I am ok with thinking this. It keeps me focused on myself and my family and not him and his.
I went through a phase where I was looking for reasons to have some critical views of my LO; taking her down off that pedestal. Thing is: it is NOT her fault that I put her up on that pedestal. Correct me if I'm wrong(David) but the way I see it, we as Limerents are that socially inept child, forever running after our parent that didn't show us unconditional love and comfort.
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\

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WishMagick
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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by WishMagick »

peter.rabbit wrote:
Sat Mar 14, 2020 2:16 pm
Thing is: it is NOT her fault that I put her up on that pedestal.
Right. And I'm NOT going to punish him for it.
He won't know that I feel this way towards him. It's for ME. Feeling this way is much better than letting myself think that I love him.

I'm just going to stay away from him. Like I should have been doing this whole time!!
I'm Married - with two children
LO is married - with two children
(He lives next door) Partially disclosed - NC is in full force

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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WishMagick
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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by WishMagick »

David wrote:
Sat Mar 14, 2020 11:03 am
I came to feel compassion for LO, after she was a mirror for me
No. He is not everything that I am. Some things, yes. But not everything.
I'm Married - with two children
LO is married - with two children
(He lives next door) Partially disclosed - NC is in full force

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by MrSpock »

WishMagick wrote:
Sat Mar 14, 2020 2:45 pm
Feeling this way is much better than letting myself think that I love him.
It wouldn't be anything wrong with you loving him, and it wouldn't be anything for you to avoid.

What IS a problem is letting yourself WANT him. That's the feeling to fight.

We limerents want LO, even if we think is love. It isn't.
WishMagick wrote:
Sat Mar 14, 2020 2:45 pm
I'm just going to stay away from him. Like I should have been doing this whole time!!
Sometimes we might also--and in spite of limerence and us wanting the LO--love them at the same time. And when we do, that love becomes the compass to guide us on what to do... exactly as your are doing here, trying to stay away from him.

In a way, the strategy to break free from limerence is to make what we want for them win over what we want from them.

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WishMagick
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Re: Is it normal to despise or dislike ex-LO after LE is over?

Post by WishMagick »

MrSpock wrote:
Sun Mar 15, 2020 8:24 pm


In a way, the strategy to break free from limerence is to make what we want for them win over what we want from them.
Beautifully said.

I really do feel like I love him. But, I simply don't want to.
I want him and love him, and the love part is keeping me away, but the want part is making me hurt / ache for him. I don't know how to not want him. But, I'm working on it. Time is my friend, I suppose.
I'm Married - with two children
LO is married - with two children
(He lives next door) Partially disclosed - NC is in full force

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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