Still Processing...Years Later

[Moira]

Hi everyone,
I just wrote out my whole (long) story and accidentally lost it. Wow. I'll try again another time soon, but in the meantime, I was glad to come across this site and hope to use it as an AA meeting of sorts, in case I'm ever tempted to look my LO up. I've been doing really well, but it's been a rough few days for some reason, and I'm having that itch. I haven't seen his online presence in a year, haven't seen him in five. The whole thing went down eight years ago, but I guess I'll have to tell my story another time.
I'd never wish the hell of limerence on anyone, but I'm comforted to know there are others who've been through similar experiences.
Quick about me...this experience has completely changed my life. Totally transformed me personally, and my marriage. Most days I'm actually happy now, and there was a time I couldn't imagine the day I'd be out of the dark.
That being said, what my experience also gave me is self-awareness. I know I'm capable of getting completely lost in this person. I like to think I've grown beyond that now, but I like the idea of having an outlet in case we ever crossed paths again. I just don't really know for sure how I would react to that.
For those of you in the thick of it, my heart genuinely goes out to you in compassion. I want you to know that there is hope and life beyond limerence.
Best wishes to you all.

[TheMoon]

Hi Moira,
I'm sorry you lost your post. I've done that a couple of times on this forum with careless use of the 'back' button. It's very frustrating .

You sound like you have worked your way through long and difficult times to achieve understanding and some peace? By yourself? If so, I am full of admiration for you. And even if not, I am full of admiration for you, because there's no easy way to do it. I would still be in the wilderness and in pain without the support I've found here.

In another thread somewhere here (which I will never be able to find again) some wise person likened this site to methadone. I liked that, but this site as AA meeting ... ? I like that too

[L-F]

My story echoes yours in many many ways, even from the little you shared.

Welcome to your new AA meeting! ... where we keep you on the straight and narrow with tough love, shared experiences, and humour (sometimes dark), but always with your recovery in mind.

[Moira]

Hi Moira,
I'm sorry you lost your post. I've done that a couple of times on this forum with careless use of the 'back' button. It's very frustrating .

You sound like you have worked your way through long and difficult times to achieve understanding and some peace? By yourself? If so, I am full of admiration for you. And even if not, I am full of admiration for you, because there's no easy way to do it. I would still be in the wilderness and in pain without the support I've found here.

In another thread somewhere here (which I will never be able to find again) some wise person likened this site to methadone. I liked that, but this site as AA meeting ... ? I like that too

Thank you for the tip!

It has been a long and extremely grueling journey. I definitely have gained some understanding and peace, and yes, it's been by myself, with the help of lots of books and googling, a little therapy (some helpful, some not,) one or two helpful friends, around three tons of tears, and a side of some screaming in my car. You're right, there's absolutely no easy way to do it. I wish I had found something like this in my first year; it would have been such a comfort. But it took me a very long time to even admit my feelings to myself, let alone address them. I was completely bowled over by this thing, and had absolutely no idea what was happening to me at the time. A lot of people on these forums are a lot farther along than I was at that stage in self-awareness. Although I've made so much progress from rock bottom, I can certainly use some support. I started drinking more than is good for me after this whole thing began, and I'm trying to get my body in gear now. I think doing without numbing the pain will be the true test of how much healing I've actually done. Fingers crossed. A year ago I had a terrible set back, emotionally. That's why it's so important for me to stay completely away from this person. No checking up on him. At all. Nothing.

Methadone, that's perfect! Thank you for making me feel welcome and for your kind words.

[Moira]

My story echoes yours in many many ways, even from the little you shared.

Welcome to your new AA meeting! ... where we keep you on the straight and narrow with tough love, shared experiences, and humour (sometimes dark), but always with your recovery in mind.

That's terrible that you've suffered something so difficult. Peace to you. And thank you for your welcoming words! Ooh, I love dark humor, it's my favorite.