Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

What a Fool Believes

Tell us your story. What has been your experience?
Post Reply
WantU2WantMe
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:26 am
Gender:
United States of America

What a Fool Believes

Post by WantU2WantMe » Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:09 am

I owe a debt of gratitude to Dorothy Tennov.

Reading about Limerence ten years ago and actually having a term to refer to has helped me to unravel the many times I have been in this angsty state. I have never known such highs and such utter depression/hurt/sorrow and frustration than being in Limerence. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. It's being setup to fail.

The LO in my case is my neighbor 12 years my junior. One drunken night she kissed me and ever since I haven't been able to rid her from my mind. We did end up having sex that night and it was awkward, exciting and I was gobsmacked that she even liked women.

This is a red-flag-a-palooza. I am now obsessed with her, not ever wanting to lose my cool. I pretend to not care when she doesn't return a text or stop by when she said she was going to. Going with the flow when she bails on plans. Wondering why she never downloaded that playlist i sent her. Every time I think about sending her a text I am coming to this website and reading myself to death everybody's stories...I find this helps. The thing is, I couldn't have cared less about this person until they kissed me. I thought I had better self esteem than this to just glom on to any girl that shows interest. She has blown me off on/off the last month. I need to be a grown up and not want to be with her physically and just be her friend. She is currently unemployed, estranged from her family and drinks too much. I am the complete opposite of this. The chemical explosion that goes off in my brain when I'm around this girl is way too much to take and at times I've thought I was going to throw up. I long for the dopamine hit of kissing her. I have to play this very carefully and extract myself from the limerence. She has some mental/emotional issues and doesn't need my stupid attention preventing her from healing. I'm going to try N/C. I'm 46 FFS, why should I give a crap what some 34 year old thinks?

I feel like such a fool. Wish there was a pill you could take for this to quit these people who live rent free in our heads night and day. Thank you anybody who reads this.

Galena

User avatar
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3011
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Contact:
Great Britain

Re: What a Fool Believes

Post by David » Thu Apr 19, 2018 6:24 am

Hi Galena and welcome. i hope you get some further and deeper insights into your own psyche and what drives your limerence.

As for a pill, im glad i didn't have one to take, although in the early stages would have felt different. I would have missed so many lessons along my own journey.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

Male 58

WantU2WantMe
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:26 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: What a Fool Believes

Post by WantU2WantMe » Thu Apr 19, 2018 8:46 pm

Thank you David for providing this forum to those of us who are about to lose our minds.

I truly wish this was a recognized disorder.

Getting stronger everyday!

WantU2WantMe
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:26 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: What a Fool Believes

Post by WantU2WantMe » Fri Apr 20, 2018 3:16 am

Just ranting here: I actually do want her to want me, hence the name. I want a re-enactment of that first night when she made the first move. I replay it again and again in my head. I want her to fall in love with me, although if it ever manifested itself as a relationship it would be a disaster. I could be very easily and controlled by this person. I think about the most far out fantastical scenarios involving her. I also notice I am grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw more. OCD and anxiety are def back this week.

I took half a Xanax (prescribed) and that has helped.

Exercising vigorously lately with great upbeat songs on has been helpful this weeks well.

I will get through this dammit!

Acrobatica
Posts: 462
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: What a Fool Believes

Post by Acrobatica » Fri Apr 20, 2018 3:24 am

You will get through this! :ymhug:

Keep exercising! It works wonders.

WantU2WantMe
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:26 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: What a Fool Believes

Post by WantU2WantMe » Fri Apr 20, 2018 9:01 am

Thank you Acrobatica

Acrobatica
Posts: 462
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: What a Fool Believes

Post by Acrobatica » Fri Apr 20, 2018 12:35 pm

[quote=WantU2WantMe post_id=42661 time=1524190569 user_, although if it ever manifested itself as a relationship it would be a disaster. I could be very easily and controlled by this person.
[/quote]

Think about why you wrote this. It may lead you to better understand why this turned into limerence rather than something else.

WantU2WantMe
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:26 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: What a Fool Believes

Post by WantU2WantMe » Fri Apr 20, 2018 7:12 pm

Acrobatica,

A very good point. This is my fifth or sixth instance of limerence. I think what I want most (with this one) is the physical relationship (with an emphasis on kissing) and to be held in high esteem by this person. The rush I get when I kiss her is just like all the other rushes I've had when things were either reciprocated or misconstrued on my part as a "maybe" - that push/pull. But now that I'm older and more comfortable with myself sexually the control thing (I think) is based on the allure of her making the first move initially and of being sexually desired.

That being said, why the heck would I ever expect/desire/crave somebody who is in a state of flux, who has said she IS NOT looking for anything serious, and who isn't really my type at all to come around to adoring me? It's an unfair burden to put on her and I'm embarrassed and even a little ashamed that I should crave this with every fiber of my being. I want it. want. want. want.

I have had long term instances (2-3 years) of limerence in the past that I have definitely learned from. I know disclosure will either get you the ultimate rejection or a shoddy 2 year "relationship" that has been consummated but is still grossly imbalanced with me acting needy and ending up in a deep, blackhole depression.

It is just very embarrassing to feel this way since I have seen people behave this way and never held back my opinion on how stupid they appeared (because I can be sort of a bitch like that). Also, this is a close neighbor, somebody with whom we share a circle of friends and I don't want to create awkward social situations.

I don't want to seem like some sort of desperate, lecherous psycho. (Maybe this whole thing is about appearances??)

2 days NC last saw her sunday night.
I have sent her no texts since wednesday. I received one that evening...very boring bland response..to a jokey 4-word text i sent earlier. I like knowing I didn't respond to it. She sent the last text. Good. Going to see how long it takes for her to contact me, if she wants to see me. Going to try. I don't know why I like this one so much. The other ones I had always envisioned a future. This one is such a wild card. Stubborn and self-destructive, in need of meds/talk therapy. Perhaps I want to save her? Perhaps I see my younger self in her?

Booooooo... Limerence...

Bad news. This is all BAD NEWS! How I wish this was "Fake News" instead. lol.

agh
thanks for letting me go on.

this forum rules!

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 14 guests