Hello, yes I am new. My name is Cookie, at least on here it is. ;)
Well I'm not new to the limerence world, that I can tell you. But I've only known the term for a few weeks. And why did I stumble upon it? Well, that would be because my latest limerent object (LO) started to fade away, and I started thinking I was going crazy. He would be the 5th LO in my adult life with a few additional "cyber LOs" just to really make things feel nuts.
Thing is, I actually felt like this guy was THE ONE. Surprise, surprise, right? He love-bombed me like crazy in the beginning, telling me how beautiful I was, how interesting I was, how intrigued he was by me, how much we had in common. Very similar to my last LO's introduction, and also very similar to how narcissists operate. I mean...pretty much identical. (Hold that thought.)
My "real life" is wonderful, and I break down when I think about how selfish I must be to keep risking all the great things that I have for some fantasy world. I have a husband whom I've been with more than half my life, who's been faithful and adoring and caring. We have 3 children, all wonderful. So WHY? Why do I repeat the LO pattern. I had been married less than a year when I found my first LO, it lasted two years, long distance with occasional visits. Went back to college for classes, found my second LO, 15 years my junior. Lasted two years. Enter the internet era (gah!) and I found my third and most serious and destructive LO. He was/is a narcissist. That also lasted two years, until I cut it off cold turkey. I should point out that these guys all pursued me in some fashion and I gave in each time. To be fair, I flirted right back. And enjoyed what I thought were the most powerful, bonded connections possible. I used the fuel and passion they provided to be intimate with my husband (thinking about the LOs all the while).
The latest one has almost destroyed me. He hit on me right at the time my dad was chronically ill, and I was so incredibly fragile that the LO's flattery and words felt like loving arms wrapped around me. They were not. He distanced himself during dad's passing and almost slipped away. He did the bare minimum to stay in touch. My initial thought was that he was a narcissist, but he may just have women/dating issues and he could sense my vulnerability. Just this morning I sent him a message that said the equivalent of "Why bother?" Then I cut him off and blocked every avenue of contact. During my time with him, I had great sex with my husband, and I am terrified that I will just turn cold again.
Yes, I feel sick. Withdrawn. Haven't slept. Made appointment with psych for tomorrow, just trying to hang on today. But I know that talking to other people who have been through it will be a huge help. Thanks for listening to my story, and I look forward to reading yours.