So thankful I'm not alone

Tell us your story. What has been your experience?
JellyBean
Posts: 1687
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:12 am

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by JellyBean » Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:22 pm

Idiotic wrote:
Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:11 pm
Okay , I have to confess to one more stalker thing i did. When i was helping her move (she was my friends neighbor, then she moved away) , she left some books and stuff to be given away. I stole two books , one in German, i don't even read german! I just took it. And i also stole a rough page i saw sticking out from a notebook, it was a draft of a chapter of her theses. Yup kept that too, not very proud of it. Its kinda pathetic. But i don't feel like throwing it now.
Sadly, I'm not shocked. We limerents do some bizarre things. We might be a bit nutty in the head, but our intentions are good - mostly. With the amount I post on here, I've never disclosed my disclosure - way too embarrassing to disclose.

Remember, this is all about you buddy. When you are ready to do the heavy lifting, things will start to make sense.

JohnDeux
Posts: 1480
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by JohnDeux » Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:51 pm

J.A.Prufrock wrote:
Wed Sep 13, 2017 3:06 am
Well it fucking wasn't and it crippled my life.
Agree and welcome.

SuckerForDopamine
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:32 pm

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by SuckerForDopamine » Thu Sep 14, 2017 5:25 am

J.A.Prufrock wrote:
Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:17 am
SuckerForDopamine wrote:
Wed Sep 13, 2017 6:33 am
Welcome to the forum JA...or another way would be to say at least you have found us...others who share the incredible agony of this condition. There are so many people here, all in different stages of LE or recovery from it. I really know how alone you feel even though we are all here for you. NC is one of the hardest things to decide to do but it is truly the only option. Believe me, the pain of constantly getting those dopamine kicks and needing more and bigger kicks over time is actually harder than going NC. My answer so far has been to get a huge amount of excercise when the anxiety of NC flares up. The excercise high seems to help. Good luck in your journey and please know we are ALWAYS here for you.
Well, thanks for the hospitality :)

I do need to start excercising again, it's been a while. I stopped because I realized that my only goal in gettingi in shape was to look good so that maybe she'd feel attracted to me. How do you find the drive to just "do it for yourself?" That's what I'm missing in my life I think, I don't do anything without something to egg me on
To be perfectly honest, my anxiety drives me to excercise. I get so worked up about not being able to contact her in any way and my anxiety becomes unbearable. I find even going for a 30 minute "power walk" does help a lot. Lately I have been going for bike rides of at least 9 miles (40 minutes) and the high after doing that cancels out a lot of the anxiety. I also have type 2 diabetes and I'm hoping to lose enough weight to get off my diabetic meds. Hope this helps. Good luck!!
"I loved you from the beginning..."

marko
Posts: 1027
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by marko » Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:08 pm

Pretty sure my early life LO's shaped most of my life. My motivations to impress certainly have that impress them written all over it. Hollywood images of the tough guy getting the girl :D . Developing a warped view of how things work and an ingrained warped reaction is a tough thing to unravel. Cutting her off is the best thing you can do. For a time, it will be very hard as even the thought of turning away is still and LO thought. Is there anything in yourself that you find your LO making you feel good about. An escape to this person who you see as a healer makes them a healing agent in yourself that they shouldn't be. For now, stay tough and don't let it beat you up too much, that can cause you to run back.

Windy1
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by Windy1 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 4:08 pm

I first came across the term "limerence" while reading a psychology journal in the waiting room of my therapist for our first session. The article was about romantic relationships and the description of LE was spot on as to what I was feeling. I mentioned this to the therapist who had a puzzled look on her face and admitted that she never heard of it.

I have a lot of psych issues and the latest LE was the straw that broke the camels back and led me to seek some help. It's not that i dislike my wife or life. I was getting along pretty well until LE really threw me into a tailspin.

The best part of finally giving a name to this crazy thinking helps put things in perspective, Unfortunately it hasn't made it disappear (LOL).

The stories related by all of you have really helped me to realize that I don't need to torture myself in loneliness.
Posting on this board is cathartic and therapeutic, and I hope that some of you find my stories useful. Thanks to all of you!
M-46-married
LO- married late 30’s-early 40’s -work colleagues

LostAgain
Posts: 197
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:17 am

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by LostAgain » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:36 pm

Mr Prufrock,you have my sympathy.
Going no comment is harsh when you have been limerent.
You will be familiar with TSE's immortal lines....
'As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised..'
That is what it can feel like going NC.Like a part of you is being ripped out.
=((

Cookie
Posts: 243
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by Cookie » Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:35 pm

Hello, yes I am new. My name is Cookie, at least on here it is. ;)

Well I'm not new to the limerence world, that I can tell you. But I've only known the term for a few weeks. And why did I stumble upon it? Well, that would be because my latest limerent object (LO) started to fade away, and I started thinking I was going crazy. He would be the 5th LO in my adult life with a few additional "cyber LOs" just to really make things feel nuts.

Thing is, I actually felt like this guy was THE ONE. Surprise, surprise, right? He love-bombed me like crazy in the beginning, telling me how beautiful I was, how interesting I was, how intrigued he was by me, how much we had in common. Very similar to my last LO's introduction, and also very similar to how narcissists operate. I mean...pretty much identical. (Hold that thought.)

My "real life" is wonderful, and I break down when I think about how selfish I must be to keep risking all the great things that I have for some fantasy world. I have a husband whom I've been with more than half my life, who's been faithful and adoring and caring. We have 3 children, all wonderful. So WHY? Why do I repeat the LO pattern. I had been married less than a year when I found my first LO, it lasted two years, long distance with occasional visits. Went back to college for classes, found my second LO, 15 years my junior. Lasted two years. Enter the internet era (gah!) and I found my third and most serious and destructive LO. He was/is a narcissist. That also lasted two years, until I cut it off cold turkey. I should point out that these guys all pursued me in some fashion and I gave in each time. To be fair, I flirted right back. And enjoyed what I thought were the most powerful, bonded connections possible. I used the fuel and passion they provided to be intimate with my husband (thinking about the LOs all the while).

The latest one has almost destroyed me. He hit on me right at the time my dad was chronically ill, and I was so incredibly fragile that the LO's flattery and words felt like loving arms wrapped around me. They were not. He distanced himself during dad's passing and almost slipped away. He did the bare minimum to stay in touch. My initial thought was that he was a narcissist, but he may just have women/dating issues and he could sense my vulnerability. Just this morning I sent him a message that said the equivalent of "Why bother?" Then I cut him off and blocked every avenue of contact. During my time with him, I had great sex with my husband, and I am terrified that I will just turn cold again.

Yes, I feel sick. Withdrawn. Haven't slept. Made appointment with psych for tomorrow, just trying to hang on today. But I know that talking to other people who have been through it will be a huge help. Thanks for listening to my story, and I look forward to reading yours.

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FreeBird
Posts: 343
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by FreeBird » Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:55 pm

Welcome, Cookie! You've found the right place for support and encouragement. :)

Hope all goes well with your appointment with the therapist.
"The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."-Blaise Pascal
Me/LS: middle-aged, married woman
LO: middle-aged, married man with children
LE: L developed around age 12. LO was good friend of my FOO, now deceased.

Cookie
Posts: 243
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by Cookie » Wed Sep 27, 2017 5:04 pm

Thank you so much, FreeBird.

I am alternating between feeling empowered and total nervous breakdown. I guess that's typical when you cut it off with the LO.

Looking forward to therapy tomorrow and plan to bring a box or two of tissues.

@};-

SuckerForDopamine
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:32 pm

Re: So thankful I'm not alone

Post by SuckerForDopamine » Wed Sep 27, 2017 8:45 pm

Good luck Cookie! We are all with you. I hope therapy helps for you. It is incredible the power and intensity that we feel about our LOs...it's like no other emotion that I have ever felt and I have gone through the birth of my two daughters, my marriage, and the death of both of my parents. This intensity is right off the scale. Good luck in your journey here.
"I loved you from the beginning..."

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