Post-Disclosure

Tell us your story. What has been your experience?

Was it all in my head?

Poll ended at Mon Aug 07, 2017 10:15 pm

YES it was and he's letting you down easy
6
50%
NO He gave an unclear answer because he is unsure of his own feelings
6
50%
 
Total votes: 12

Kiwi - Strawberry
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 8:39 pm

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by Kiwi - Strawberry » Fri Jun 02, 2017 6:30 pm

Already day 25 of NC, will I miss LO after my target day of 89 NC?

Argh well for the time being I thought of another way to artificially inseminate romance into my life with the SO, by watching romance movies.

I've found "The Choice" (from the guy who wrote The Notebook) to be helpful. They are these ridiculous THERE's THE ONE movies that fulfills the lemerent experience of being with our "true love",

Kiwi - Strawberry
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 8:39 pm

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by Kiwi - Strawberry » Mon Jun 05, 2017 8:36 pm

These days I'm having regrets of disclosing my feelings to the LO. I feel foolish for doing so and re-think about how and if LO perceives me as childish for my crush-like feelings. Does he think I'm immature? Gosh I don't want to ruin my professional demeanor.

I probably should have just kept my feelings to myself. argh...

I do still have some urges to want to contact LO lately. This is not good. I'll have to make it through the first month mark, then second month and hopefully from there it should get much easier. Stay strong All.

Kiwi - Strawberry
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 8:39 pm

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by Kiwi - Strawberry » Mon Jun 12, 2017 5:28 pm

>>Marker: NC Day #35<<
The summer time is a good time for Lemerence-healing. I find there is so much to do outdoors and that helps to stop the boredom at home and therefore the overactive imagination. I've been out bbq'ing and weekend trips that I barely check the status of LO on the chat program. I haven't contacted just seeing the last time of log in is enough of a "hit" for me.

Now that I've disclosed, I don't think i have the guts to see him in a group reunion at the end of the year. Oh what have I done? Maybe I should have never disclosed because clearly his response was lukewarm at best and he never felt any strong emotions as I had.

Maybe it is worth the pain and embarrassment to disclose, so that this way I stop "wondering" if it was only one-sided or was it felt on both ends.

Kiwi - Strawberry
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 8:39 pm

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by Kiwi - Strawberry » Fri Jun 16, 2017 5:11 pm

Day 39 already of no contact. I'm tempted to just tell LO to please be more specific and tell me in softer words to the effect of "There is no feelings i have for you and never have." Or "i did have feelings so you may not be wrong about the past but those feelings are no more".

A clear answer of rejection would really help. But I must stick to my no contact goal. 50 more days to go in reaching 89 days of NC.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 1935
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat Jun 17, 2017 5:50 am

Kiwi - Strawberry wrote:
Fri Jun 16, 2017 5:11 pm
Day 39 already of no contact. I'm tempted to just tell LO to please be more specific and tell me in softer words to the effect of "There is no feelings i have for you and never have." Or "i did have feelings so you may not be wrong about the past but those feelings are no more".

A clear answer of rejection would really help. But I must stick to my no contact goal. 50 more days to go in reaching 89 days of NC.
It'll get better/easier, I promise! :)
"Be careful with your heart and what you love, make sure that it was sent from above"-John Mellencamp/India.Arie Peaceful World

Kiwi - Strawberry
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 8:39 pm

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by Kiwi - Strawberry » Wed Jun 21, 2017 9:02 pm

Thanks JupiterTaco...

On Day 44, it really has gotten a lot easier. Gone are the feelings of low self-esteem after the non-response I got from the disclosure. I felt so ugly, so not up-to-par with LO and his beautiful SO, that was a tier below in his typical standards of beautiful women.

I will never let anyone make me feel inferior again. X(

mrsjones
Posts: 93
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2017 1:44 am

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by mrsjones » Thu Jun 22, 2017 2:52 am

In my last meeting, I was reminded of the feelings I had at the HEIGHT of my LE. Argh what the heck it was weird to experience opening up of neuro-paths that have not been opened since a few years ago. WHY!!!! Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and after years of repressing it I just emailed the poor guy to give him a very short cryptic message like "I was yours. All along." ~Quote from book, and let him know I've always wanted to let him know. A day later... he responds with How are you and "this is a very sad quote" with NOTHING more. =/ I honestly were looking for an outright rejection of my feelings like "I cannot reciprocate but I am glad you are telling me this". Something gentle to let a girl down or something, ya know?

Lastly, I had said seeing you must have triggered these feelings I had a few years back and that when I hit the send button on the email I knew that was it that I had to remove the triggers. I apologized for wasting his time with this matter and that I give my best regards. He replies back "Be well and don't be sorry just look towards the future." (I hope you are all proud I kept it professional till the end because this is a former coworker after all. =D )

Thus this is my cautionary tale, Disclose is no good don't do it. You get these weird unclear answers. BUT HOWEVER I do feel relief from all those years of repressed feelings.
[/quote]

Kiwi Strawberry, your post got me to thinking what kind of a response to disclosure would be a satisfactory one? And I was reminded of a time when I was 21 and I used to visit a guy who worked in a CD store (CDs sound so old fashioned now!) who shared my taste in music and we used to flirt a lot. I developed a big crush and one day got brave and left a message asking him out to see a band at the pub. He didn't respond and next time I came to see him he fessed up and said that he was in a relationship but that he was REALLY attracted to me and very nearly came to meet me anyway but felt too guilty, even though any of his friends would have anyway. I told him if his situation changed, let me know. And he responded "I hope it does! NO! I mean I hope that if it were going to it would be soon!" This for me was the best rejection ever and left me feeling pretty darn good about myself! I continued to visit and daydream for awhile then let it go (mind you this was pretty early stages, more like a bit of an obsessive crush than limerence). And it dawned on me that one of my predominate fantasies is to elicit this kind of reaction from LO. I'm often so tempted to disclose but not to attain consummation - I'm married and I absolutely can not can not can not go down that path - but I dream about being rewarded with the knowledge that I am desirable to him. Limerence-brain tells me that this would be quite satisfactory and then I could let it go, but given the strength of the attraction and the amount of contact I have with him, I suspect that it may be tricking me. :-?

It must have been torturous for you to get that vague reply - so much uncertainty for limerence to feed on!

Kiwi - Strawberry
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 8:39 pm

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by Kiwi - Strawberry » Thu Jun 29, 2017 5:04 pm

Thanks for understanding the depth of my feelings MrsJones. I hope my story has helped you to avoid disclosure given your situation is very similar to mine in that we're unavailable anyway. We tell ourselves if we just knew LO felt the same way, that would be enough but... would it really be enough? Then once you know there is interest on the LO end, for sure there will be lines to be tested. In a way, it is best to just never disclose and wait for the feelings to past.

Speaking of which, Day 52 of NC, I think my lemerence is dying. I don't even think of LO much in the last few days and I don't even have a desire to check to see if he's online anymore.

Kiwi - Strawberry
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 8:39 pm

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by Kiwi - Strawberry » Thu Jul 06, 2017 8:37 pm

Wow here I am at Day 59 of NC and I'm not even struggling to maintain it. Gone are my feelings to want to text LO to find out IF... Gone are my urges to want to find out more about him. I used to have constant thoughts about LO's likes and dislikes, constant thoughts about getting to know his life story, whether Lo's happy or not in his relationship.

I know if I can maintain NC and not stir up any of these crazy intensive feelings again I have a chance of staying true to my own relationship and growing what I have with my family instead of dreaming up this fantasy life which probably will take loads of energy to maintain anyway, pretending to be this fantastical self that I'm not.

In the end, we must focus on who in our lives allows us to be ourselves... is it our LO or our SO? Make a wise choice my friends.

Kiwi - Strawberry
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 8:39 pm

Re: Post-Disclosure

Post by Kiwi - Strawberry » Mon Jul 17, 2017 9:59 pm

Day 66 - I can't lie. Sometimes in my hearts of hearts I wish for the LO to confess his love for me and we run away to a tropical island and live there happily ever after, disappearing from the world, where no one would know us. A new beginning of true love or something.

=D It's a process, I'll have to get over this shit. Good luck my fellow lemerents.

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