Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

that post-LO glow. sigh.

Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe life is never the same after limerence. Read how others have coped with limerence in the longer term. Please feel free to post your own accounts of journeying through limerence.
User avatar
LisaTranscending
Posts: 862
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:48 pm

that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by LisaTranscending » Thu Jan 11, 2018 10:01 pm

time is so weird. how everything turns for the worse...and then just as unexpectedly turns to the nice.

so today.....on my way to work (running late) who do I pass on the highway (of all human beings in the world)....(again! because this happened to me before....)well of course... LO.

in all my life I never pass anyone...not anyone on the highway that I know. and already two times in my life....LO has ridden right past me on the highway. I think that is so funny.

well...it was a jolt. haven't seen him since...IDK last April. but there he was...I had to actually pass another truck, and there he was. not like I was looking for his car like I used to every single car every single second when I was limerent waiting to see him expecting to see him however absurd that was...(and even actually seeing him once).

I literally was JOLTED into OMG there he is! :-h

but I didn't wave. I just was passing. I was just so shocked to see him on the road. so then...that adorable LO passes me! :ymdaydream:

it was wonderful! it was so great. my heart soared, raced...and it was just a split second of me and some kind of unbelievable LO happenstance.

well...it put such a smile on my face. and it must have been there all day because the halo effect of just passing him followed me the entire day.
my boss was like, "You look so good today, that vegan stuff is really working for you." anyone who came in contact with me today was SUPER friendly and responding to my halo effect.

I had to drop something important off to ex-SO....and for the first time since everything....he smiled the whole time looking at me.

so ....what is it? what happens to us when we just bump into an LO that makes us glow like that?


and top it off...that it really was a good day....turns out my son has been paying someone else's heating bill in the building...and now is going to be reimbursed.

I was thinking how I had this lingering mild cold....ho hum boring going through the days kinna stuff....worried about my kid's heating bill....worried that my ex-SO holds a life long grudge towards me, and then like poof! just like that. poof...things seem nice again.

my throat isn't sore anymore...the kid is off the hook....ex-SO was super nice to me (and boss) and everyone in the office...and....well..it was just weird is all. I even asked my boss, "I saw LO (no I didn't call him LO) on the road coming in. he's running late to work." (since I was). and then I said, "Why am I not covering his territory any longer, haven't seen him in forever." WHICH...just proves I'm not limerent because when limerent I wouldn't so much as even mention his name.

lol. no not limerent...but got a wicked cool limerent high today and it was FANTASTIC! i cannot lie. it did make me feel alive. it does make me feel happy inside and alive. I have no explanation for it. (other than twitterpated).....

sigh...but no crash for me. no obsessing.....just a nice..strange....lovely day. boss said LO has been covering a territory outside of his usual since there was an office shuffle but should get back the territory that I cover with him. who knows. made me wonder if LO said anything. I highly doubt it...he's keeps things pretty close to the vest kinna guy.

JohnDeux
Posts: 1836
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm

Re: that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by JohnDeux » Thu Jan 11, 2018 11:44 pm

LisaTranscending wrote:
Thu Jan 11, 2018 10:01 pm

so ....what is it? what happens to us when we just bump into an LO that makes us glow like that?
It's the acute suppression of your immune system that results in a spectral shift of the ambient atmospheric light reflecting off of your chromophores brought on by a subterranean flush of vulnerability.....often mimicked as well by the defense-destabilizing antics of H3N2 influenza..... B-)

:-j ..... just kidding!..... :-j

Don't know what causes it even though we can all relate to what it feels like...... Winter is such a dark time here and I can see why this post-holiday period was LE hell in years passed. Hope it's just a bump....but the vegan transition may be helping as well. I'm hoping to get to that stage where those interactions can be enjoyed for what they are, but not overwhelming. Sometimes, days are just good to you!......
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

mamasita
Posts: 726
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by mamasita » Fri Jan 12, 2018 3:11 pm

Lisa,
The other night you were watching your breath. It made me think of sad silence in the way that you described it.
Quite the opposite from the LO glow that you just experienced. :D
It feels hopeful, all in all. You are alive. It's not too late to do or be anyone you want.
LO high feels wonderful. Glad you could experience a touch of it without staying in it.

marko
Posts: 1333
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by marko » Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:02 pm

Friday's bring me down Hwy 24, her car is there at a bowling alley. I assume the bf bowls fridays instead of Thursday's. I could go a block over, but I don't. I'm going to write a song. "She's not mine, but no other bowlers women moves me like that bowlers woman does".
Sometime she I pull my hoodie up, I don't want her to see me, weird.

Spinnaker
Posts: 1904
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
Contact:
United States of America

Re: that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by Spinnaker » Fri Jan 12, 2018 6:05 pm

Marco~

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time of it. Sounds like an upheaval going on in your soul which, I hope, brings you clarity and a true sense of direction. I hope that comes across the right way. What I hear is a quiet sense of progress within the sadness of the reality you are discovering. Don't give up hope, though. Plant seeds of hope... In healing beautiful things can grow with patience and self love.

Your reference to highway 24 reminded me of the song Highway 61. Your story could be the 6th in that song.

Remain strong... Sounds like you are dressed and ready for the "heavy lifting".

L-F
Posts: 1916
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by L-F » Fri Jan 12, 2018 7:54 pm

Interesting Lisa.

"twitterpated"... waaaa isn't it funny the little triggers we come across. I was introduced to that word by you guessed it. Had it not been for the lecture we had which included some vid about cartoon birds and bambi and being twitterpated I wouldn't have understood.

Stupid little things we learn.


Yes I had one of those moments too. Had to pull over and catch my breath. Of course I wasn't on the motorway. LO looked directly at me since I had been doing the same to her. You know that stare - 'is it or isn't it' this or that person??? That was... idk... 1 - 2 years after not seeing her.

Then it dawned on me. I felt on the same happiness level that I have in those 'gward I fucking love myself' days where I shine and the world shines back at me. Those days where you stand tall, you smile more, and life is just fucking perfect. Yep. Those are the days when my confidence goes thru the roof and I love being in my skin. Those are the days when I'm more generous, loving, kind and I just want to go around hugging people.

Those are my 'fuck it's great to be me' days :)
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

User avatar
LisaTranscending
Posts: 862
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:48 pm

Re: that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by LisaTranscending » Sat Jan 13, 2018 5:04 pm

mamasita wrote:
Fri Jan 12, 2018 3:11 pm
Lisa,
The other night you were watching your breath. It made me think of sad silence in the way that you described it.
Quite the opposite from the LO glow that you just experienced.
I have been thinking about this. it's funny because last night there was a thunderstorm and the dog who usually sleeps on the couch, well, my big baby :o3 ... got scared and came in and jumped on my bed. now my old black lab has something of a snoring problem...and there he was...snoring all night at my feet....sort of filling in the silence of what used to be my husband's snoring. (which at times would keep me awake for hours)

oddly enough...it was comforting. mind you...my dog snores like a gentleman...my ex something like a Hun would I imagine. ~x(

I suppose when I worte that...at that particular time I did describe it, I felt that sad silence. but then you know how things turn....I'm totally fine with the silence of being alone now.

in fact, the breath work is very healing over all. I'm not saying there will be moments of emptiness...but I had those even when married. and I imagine those old wounds (the emptiness are the old wounds I think) have nothing to do with my marriage but are more about my childhood wounds that bubble up sometimes that need my love and attention.

there was a post in here where LF was asking about why we need that external validation. when I was looking at that picture of all those happily marrieds we used to socialize with celebrating the new year...it felt like a slap in the face of another empty space or sad silence that I don't have in my life any longer. but the truth about my marriage was...I always felt that emptiness sitting next to him. he and I never connected in a way that felt like a lover's connection. the friendship was there....but the lover's passion of looking into each other's eyes....that was lost a very long time ago.

and ....I blame him.

but... this is a mistake. LF writes about blame in a very powerful way as well. but I can't deny that I blame him and wish he could have been more affectionate.

the truth is...I have to face it as my truth...I married someone who is not affectionate or a cheerleader to me (or my kids). he has other solid parts and is a good soul and I still love those parts of him....but I was not able just on my own to keep the romance in the marriage...and he simply was not capable. he has his own way of communicating with his children that work for them. but his means of communication did not work with me.

for me...a marriage without romance seemed like a kind of lie. the limerence was such a big part of wanting that romance. hours upon hours of scene after scene with my LO over wine, cuddling, walking hand in hand....you name it...I dreamed it. I wanted that connection. you see I planned every vacation with SO...all the surprises...birthdays..all the celebrations...were organized by me. he never did any of that. every year he forgot our anniversary....forgot my birthday....never really was into the romance thing in the slightest....and I felt...slighted.

I realize he has some kind of chip on his shoulder about me. but...that is his karma. I can't blame him anymore about his karma. he has to live it and learn by it.

I just have my own karma to work on now. that breath work...makes me feel more whole than any night on the town with champagne or dancing or celebrating. what was there to celebrate if deep down I felt jilted?

L-F
Posts: 1916
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by L-F » Sat Jan 13, 2018 8:55 pm

Also just want to add... to give yourself permission to be happy despite all that is going on. Sometimes we forget to celebrate the uniqueness in all of us. Having gratitude in any given moment helps orientate our frame of reference towards happiness.

I discovered the same sense of 'aliveness' was always within and at my disposal. I always thought it was because of LO.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

Spinnaker
Posts: 1904
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
Contact:
United States of America

Re: that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by Spinnaker » Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:49 pm

"I discovered the same sense of 'aliveness' was always within and at my disposal. I always thought it was because of LO."

I agree with this wholeheartedly, Limerentfriend. The 'aliveness,' for me isn't as strong as limerence, but it's real.

There are days in which I feel as if I'm tapping into a sense of joy I haven't felt before. I've definitely noticed in carrying that joy in my heart throughout the day, people respond positively and the reciprocal effect feels nice. Not saying I'm smiling ear to ear saying, "Have a blessed day" or feeding off any form of attention. It's different. Not intentional....more authentic and natural.

I have my down days too, don't get me wrong. I'm simply saying that the process of uncovering pain, learning to accept myself and appreciatewhat I do have in this life brings forth this richness I didn't experience to this extent prior to limerence and finding this forum.

Every small gift from the ripeness of a perfect pear.... the snow resting on my blue spruce out my window.... to my daughter's laughter or son's hugs is the *fuel which lights the candles along my path.

A new day is dawning. I choose to not wallow in my misery day in and day out. Stop blaming and look toward the mirror for answers to my dilemmas. I've learned from you and others to simply move forward with patience and self love...dusting myself off when I screw up.... finding happiness in the beauty in these moments of being 'alive'.

It's wonderful, also, to know we can come here when we are down and find supportive words of encouragement. We don't have to be alone.... I like that!

User avatar
LisaTranscending
Posts: 862
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:48 pm

Re: that post-LO glow. sigh.

Post by LisaTranscending » Sun Jan 14, 2018 4:23 am

Spin...that touched my happy place. :) Seriously...that was nice to read. And I feel like that too just the way you described.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest